“Eventually, there comes a point in every life where you can no longer ignore the enormous and expanding gap between the life you could be living and the life you’ve settled for…. Every day of your life that you’re not actively engaged in staying fit, eating well, and strengthening your body the gap grows.” - Stregnth for Life, by Shawn Phillips, page 10

To read my review of the next book you should read (Strength for Life, by Shawn Phillips), see Why You Should Read Strength for Life by Shawn Phillips This Week.

This isn’t a book you’ll read, shelf, and then forget - it’s a proven system that’ll help you bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

From My Husband, I’ve Learned That You Have to Fight For What You Want, No One’s Going to Do It For You

My husband, Michael, had more hardships before he even knew what the word meant than some people have in their whole lifetime. Without going into specifics, he was a very premature baby at a time when their survival wasn’t likely, his father died in a car wreck when he was a baby, and he was raised by a single, unemployed grandmother. This grandmother, who he knew as “Mama” got by on sheer grit - and we all miss her to this day.

He has told me several stories about fights he had in school and I suppose it makes perfect sense. He was born into a fight (for survival), so fighting has been a way of life for him.

Fortunately for the other males in his small town of Kentucky, it didn’t take long before he channeled this fighting spirit in a direction that led to more than fat lips on smart mouths.

He “fought” for his education. He was one of those real life cases of someone having to walk to school both ways. He could have skipped more than he went, but he respected his “mama” and education too much to cheat them, or himself.

He “fought” for his country - serving proudly in the Army as well as the Air Force.

Most of all, he has “fought” for his family. After September 11, the business Michael was in (like a lot of businesses) went to hell in a sack. We lost our dream home (it was so beautiful!) but we didn’t lose our, even more beautiful, dreams.

During a span of about 3 years - losing our home was actually the kindest favor life threw our way. Michael’s mom died, his sister was killed in a sudden accident, and my mom suffered a heart attack and began, health-wise, to go down rapidly. She was just 60 years of age, at the time, so that was all a great shock.

We all felt like the wind had been knocked out of us, and, frankly, I wanted to stay down on the mat for a while. But “Rocky” jumped back up and pulled me up along with him. My mindset was, “Are you crazy - if we get up, we might get hit again!” But his mindset was, “Are you crazy, you can’t hit back if you’re on the mat!”

We got up. Correction - I got up. He never succumbed to the mat. Sure, he may have taken a knee, but he stayed up.

We’re very different - Michael and I. You see, I am the stereotypical only child - I was spoiled rotten by the time I met Michael. To me, a fight was something Sugar Ray Leonard did in the ring. I never really had to fight for anything - thanks to my mom, dad, aunts, and uncles everything was always given to me.

When I got into the real world (you know the one…where mom doesn’t do your laundry and dad doesn’t have sausage and biscuits made for you first thing in the morning) - it could have eaten me alive. It tried a few times, but Michael taught me - with his words, but mostly from watching him - that you have to fight for what you want from life. No one else is going to do it for you.

Not only that, but he has also taught me that you should never settle for anything. I learned, long ago, never to tell him that something was “good enough” or that it was “okay.” Those aren’t just words to him, they’re challenges.

Career-wise, Michael went on to become the absolute best in his field.  He, literally, has had people try to hire him all over the country.  That would have been “good enough” for most people.  But he has always wanted to make sure that, in the unlikely event that anything happened to him (I say unlikely because I don’t think the grim reaper would stand a shot) - the girls and I would have something of our own.  So we launched a web publishing business that is, in my estimation, quite successful.  In his?  It needs more work, of course!

He hasn’t given a fat lip to a wise guy (to my knowledge!) in over 20 years. But he has jack slapped every obstacle that was foolish enough to get in his way. He has never settled and he has tried his level best to make sure no one he loves ever settles, either.

I know, for a fact, that I’ve accomplished more and have gotten more out of myself because of the things I’ve learned from him.

Fighters never quit and quitters never win.

From My Middle Daughter, Brittany, I’ve Learned That You Have to Be True to Yourself……

My daughter Brittany has more artistic talent in her eyebrow than most people have in their whole body. She’s very bright, imaginative, and creative. This creative streak has always caused her to march to a different drummer - one often unheard by the rest of the world! Since I’ve always had my own personal band, I understand, perfectly, where she’s coming from. I may not always applaud her decisions, but I always applaud the bravado with which she makes them.

When she was 12, she up and decided that she’d no longer eat anything that “once had a face on it.” She made this declaration one night as I was fixing supper. As we talked about protein and its other sources, I made two pans of spaghetti sauce that - one with meat and one without. Deep down, I knew her mind was made up and that she would probably stick with this forever. She has.

This was right before Hollywood made vegetarianism a “cool” thing to do, long before it was so PC. She got a lot of ribbing from family members, and more than a few arguments. When we’d go out to eat and would have to take into consideration her eating restrictions, she’d feel uneasy (especially if it went against what one of her sisters wanted - she’d feel the glares along with the uneasiness), but she never caved in.

It wasn’t the popular thing to do, but it was her call to make. Well-meaning family members and acquaintances told us that, if they were me, they’d make her eat meat. Britt’s response, “I’m glad you’re not her!”

She also went through an unusual phase when she was around 15. She fell in love with wearing black and it became practically the only color she’d wear. It wasn’t any sort of a statement - the kid just preferred the way she looked in black. Drove her dad nuts! Here was this beautiful girl and all she’d wear were loose black t-shirts and black shorts or pants. During this time she also decided that THE way…the only way… to wear one’s hair was peeled back in a ponytail, without so much as a hair free. So her long, gorgeus, thick, naturally wavy dark hair was gelled and pulled daily.

Her grandmother would buy her colorful clothes, but they’d just hang in the closet, watching the black clothes have all the fun.

Thankfully, this passed about as quickly as it came. Since then, she has worn every color of the rainbow - often at the same time! Thankfully the hair is allowed more freedom as well.

From watching a very young girl have a strong enough willpower and a sense of herself to stand up and make what were unpopular choices, I learned that you don’t have to fit in or follow the crowd. Everyone doesn’t HAVE to like everything that you do. It takes courage to be true to be yourself and “find your own way.” It’d be much easier to just follow along the way someone else chooses for you - but, isn’t that “their way?” Finding “your own way” means finding it yourself.

Sure, you’ll make wrong turns along the way, but you’ll navigate through the detours and grow stronger as a result.

I’m what my mom always called a “people pleaser.” I honestly get ill if I think I’ve done something that someone else doesn’t like or approve of. I’ve been that way since I can remember. Brittany has taught me that you absolutely, positively cannot please everyone - not even those closest to you. You’re going to do things that make them think you’ve gone around the bend and you’re going to do things that cause others to whisper about you behind your back.

I’ve learned, from watching Brittany, that you can treat these whispers as your own personal background music - it harmonizes sweetly with the drum you’re marching to.

Originality is something to be worn with an exclamation, not an explanation.

This post is the second in a series of “What I’ve Learned…” posts.

Buy at AllPosters.com

I‘m nothing if not a learner. For all of my faults, and they’re a varied and entertaining lot, I can honestly say that, at least, I am always open to change and embrace learning like a 3 year old embraces a stuffed animal.   Something I’ve discovered is that the best lessons don’t come from books.  That statement probably seems astounding coming from someone who practically worships the shelf a book lies on.  Nonetheless, the best lessons come from life, itself. 

Lessons spring from the most unexpected places - I’ll give them that.  While they’re often found hovering around their favorite hangout: our mistakes,  they’ve also been known to show up in movies, television programs, the lives of other people, quiet moments on the beach, in songs, and in life-changing events.

I’m getting together a series of posts titled “What I’ve Learned…”  Thankfully, the learning process continues daily, but I wanted to spotlight some of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life, to date. It’s my hope that if the lessons touched me, you’ll feel something from them as well. What can I say, I’m touchy-feely.

Each person and (often) event has provided, of course, multiple lessons, but to keep from being at my keyboard all summer, I’m only highlighting one lesson for each.

The order they’ll appear in is the result of a very scientific and complicated process. That or, I just wrote them down on little pieces of paper, turned them on their faces, and chose their order at random.

My middle daughter, Brittany, was the first name I drew - so she’ll be the first post. I can’t wait for you to meet her, she’s not just a character, she’s a character’s character.

********************
If you’re a blogger, this would actually serve as a great idea for future blog posts. You know those times when you just can’t think of anything to say? Let your life lessons do the talking for you. They always have something to say, anyway, don’t they?!

Never take a person’s dignity: it is worth everything to them, and nothing to you. - Frank Barron

People don’t always hear what you say but they always see what you do.

The statement above once danced deliriously around my head while chanting “Na na na boo boo..”  I had been teaching one of my daughters to drive.  From the very first time she got behind the wheel, I noticed the odd way that she held it.  Her hands would always default into a really peculiar position.  Each time, I’d say something like, “Here. Why don’t you put one hand here, the other hand here…and if you have a third one, put it here.”

Finally, she got to where she’d arrnage them in a more reasonable position - but I noticed that the reasonable position was always Plan B.  Plan A was to instinctively go with a haphazard, funky positioning.

One day - about one week and 200 Tylenols into the lessons - I got into my rightful “Starbucks, Here I Come” position in the driver’s seat.  Turned the key, popped in a little vintage Janet Jackson and grabbed the wheel.  As Janet was demanding to know what someone had done for her late-ly, I happened to catch a glimpse of my hands. 

Oh, yeah, my hands were getting three kinds of freaky.  My way of holding the wheel was kind of cock-eyed, too.  She had obviously picked up the technique from watching me… probably the last person one should pick up driving techniques from.  Unless, of course they have Nascar or demolition derby aspirations.

On the way to Starbucks, it occurred to me that some of the other things that bothered me about her driving could also be traced back to me.  While cruising down the road, wind-surfing out the window with one hand and controlling the wheel with the other, I remembered the times I’d ask her, “Why do you keep taking one of your hands off of the wheel - that’s dangerous.  There.  Good girl, both hands.”  Once she even told me that she just wanted to hang it out the window.  I told her there was nothing out there for it, so put it back on the wheel.

Funny how, when it’s our beloved children that’ll be driving, we do everything short of putting a helmet on them.

Anyway, the whole thing made me think.  People, watch us daily - whether we know it or not.  And it’s, of course, not just our children who are keeping an eye on us. It’s something to kind of tuck away and keep in mind. 

They watch our driving (horrors), our temperment, our manners, our character, the way we relate to people, etc.  Our actions either betray our words or back them up.

For example:

• If we tell people that we’re laid back and cool, then we flirt with road rage if one car pulls out in front of us - we’re lying to ourselves as well as everyone else.
• If we tell people that we’re kind and helpful, yet we never do so much as one thing to help another person - we might have a skewered definition of the words kind and helpful.
• If we tell people they should respect us, we might need to think again.  I saw a t-shirt last week that read, “If you have to DEMAND respect, you haven’t EARNED it.“  Incredibly, profoundly true.
• If we tell someone else that they have a problem with their temper, yet we’re the ones who are always into it with someone - we’re making a fool out of ourselves.

The point is, people are watching you and they’re watching me.  We can say and write whatever we want to. We all possess vocabularies consisted of countless words.  Anyone can arrange them to create any thought or statement they want to.  I could say that I weigh the same amount as Keira Knightley and that I’m completely fed up with not being able to put on weight, no matter how many trips I make to Dairy Queen. I can say that the dipped cones never show up anywhere on my body, unless, of course some drips onto my little Keira-sized hands  - but it doesn’t make it any of it anywhere near the truth.  Oh, that it were.  DQ wouldn’t have enough chocolate to sustain me. 

Every now and then, take a good look in the mirror as the soundtrack of your words plays in the background.  Are they in agreement or so out of tune that it makes you laugh?  If the words are setting the bar beautifully high, hold your actions accountable.  Your words are creating the YOU that YOU desire to be.

Now start living up to them.

Ever feel draggy and out of sorts? Like your normal, upbeat mood has BEEN beaten with a crowbar?

It happens to all of us every now and again - and usually we can’t put our droopy finger on the why’s or the what’s.  All we know is that if our mood had a color, it’d be gray.

One of my daughters put her own spin on it once as she came through the kitchen.  I asked her how she was doing and she said, “I think my face has forgotten how to smile today.”  Draggy.

Whenever your face has forgotten how to smile, try one of the Ten Mood LIfters below.  You’ll get an instant lift and your face might just forget how to frown.

1. Go outside.  A little fresh air, combined with natural sunlight is a sure-fire Pick-Me-Up.  Even if it’s smack in the middle of winter, bundle up and walk around your yard for about 10 minutes.  There’s something invigorating about the outdoors and it’s a quick cure for the droops.
2. Take a stretching break. Stand up and stretch your hands toward the ceiling, then bend over and touch the floor.  Next, stretch slowly from side to side.  Repeat the entire cycle several times - breathing deeply the entire time.  It’ll refresh your mind and mood.
3. Take deep breaths.  If you’re unable to stretch OR move outdoors, just concentrate on your breathing.  Take exaggerated breaths in - then take exaggerated breaths out.
4. If possible, elevate your heart with a little exercise.  Aerobic activity is one of the best ways to slap a good mood on your psyche.  Take a walk, pick up sticks in your yard, or clean your house with gusto.  Get mooving and grooving!  If you do it with some really upbeat music, the effects will be even better.
5. Recall a time when you couldn’t stop laughing.  It was probably a time when laughter was unacceptable, right?!  That usually seems to be the case.  In high school, my best friend, Randy, and I would break out into fits of laughter all the time.  Sometimes we’d be on the phone and there’d be no sound at all except laughter for 5 minutes.  When we thought we had it under control, one of us would fall victim to the giggles again, then the other would crack up.  I can still hear the sound of his laugh in my head and it still makes me smile. He’d love to make me laugh at the most ridiculous times - in the middle of class was his favorite opportunity.  He got me so bad once during a college lecture that I thought I’d pass out.  Actually, passing out would have been less embarassing!
6.  Watch a favorite sitcom, stand-up routine or movie.  Laughter really is the best medicine, especially when it’s your mood that needs a remedy.  If you can’t get to a television, don’t underestimate YouTube.  If you enter “Dane Cook,” you’ll be mere minutes away from having a party in your seat.
7. Change things up!  If you’re able to, change what you’re wearing.  Brush your hair, brush your teeth, and even wash your face.  Your mind “gets” that you’re trying to start fresh and it welcomes the idea.  If you’re at work, straighten up your desk, readjust your clothes - maybe even untie and tie (or unbuckle and buckle) your shoes.  You know how you “refresh” a webpage if it hasn’t “loaded” properly?  Same premise.  Refresh and try again!
8. Talk to someone who lifts your spirits.  All of us have at least one person who seems to make our life a better place just by being around. They always seem to know what to say and what not to say. Their attitude and humor act as a tonic.  If you’re feeling low, search them out - take them to lunch or out for coffee. Let them work their magic on you.
9. Do something special for yourself. Whether it’s a trip to Starbucks or a bouquet of flowers (some days call for both), do something that’ll bring a smile to your face.
10. Do something special for someone else.  I saved the best for last. When you bring a smile to someone else’s face, it’s impossible to feel anything but joy and happiness.  By the same token, making your cat purr or your dog wag its tail will also bring about great contentment.  When you create happiness for others, you create it for yourself as well.

If you’ve been a Self Help Daily regular for very long, you may be aware that, with the exception of the very first one (which was before I even knew this designer existed) I’ve always used themes designed by one young man - Chris Pearson. There’s a reason for this. I put a lot of work, energy, and passion into Self Help Daily. I want a theme that will compliment and enhance my efforts. The last thing I want is one that will detract from what I’m trying to do.

Unfortunately there are a lot of themes that do just that. They’re so convoluted or amateurish that the content gets lost in the mix. I have to admit that I’ve actually gone to blogs and left before even finishing a post. Offline I’m a ridiculously patient person. I can stand in line for an hour and amuse myself by either talking to or watching everyone around me.  I’ve never even mouthed off at a stop light. But online? Different story. When I’m online, I have zero patience. If a site’s design, font, or navigation annoy me - I peel out of there before they even knew I was lurking.

The theme you see in front of you is Chris Pearson’s latest, and I think greatest, theme - the Thesis Theme. 

The last time I even thought of the word Thesis was probably in college.  When I heard the word, then, it meant I had a great deal of library time ahead of me.  If an instructor wanted a thesis, he/she wanted an original,  well thought-out, thorough, and carefully researched presentation.  Neatness and attention to detail mattered greatly and they would not settle for less than our best effort.  If they detected so much as a hint of sloppiness or plagiarism, the student knew they would be headed back to the library.

A “Thesis” meant we had to create something that would have to live up to a very high standard.

Chris Pearson named his new theme beautifully.

Thesis, how do I love thee?  Let me bullet point the ways:

•  Just about everyone has a blog or a presence of some kind on the web these days, right?  The Thesis theme is so deliciously customizable that you can stand out from a crowd like never before.  Take, for example, the rotating images to the right.  Animal lover that I am, it didn’t take me long to choose the pictures I’d be rotating.  I’m also incredibly obsessed with quotes, so I combined the two loves (hover over each image and you’ll see what I mean).   On my Cat Blog, I personalized it even further by using pictures of my own babies.  No one, anywhere, at any time, will have the same blog as this one - because no one, anywhere, at any time, will have the same 4 adorable characters that star in the show.
• Another great thing about the rotating images is that you can use the pictures to “set the mood” for a particular season or “theme.”  For example, on Hollywood Yesterday, I featured pictures of sitcom and movie fathers for Father’s Day.  After that, I had a “Cowboy” theme with a variety of movie stars from Clint Eastwood to Matt Dillon.  Currently, in honor of Summer, I have a Beach of a theme going on (Sorry for the pun, it’s late.  You’re right, that’s no excuse.).
• You can use ads instead of the rotating images, if you chose to. (Out of Bounds, Simplenomics, Get Cooking, and Office Freaks.)  They can conveniently and wisely figure in above the fold.  Quite frankly, if you choose your ads wisely they can both look good and perform well.  I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m certain you could work a Google ad in the space as well.  The theme actually even includes an option for a video instead of the ads or images.
• See the “drop cap” action going on at the first of the post?  Yeah, I pretty much love that.  Chris has incorporated this into the theme - all you have to do is include a little code when writing your post.  Personally, I think it looks amazing.  I also love the “alerts” and “notes’ that you can add to your blog posts - they’re also extremely professional looking and allow you to draw attention those particularly important things.  If you look several posts down (look for the sleeping lion) you’ll find a post where I ran amok with this feature.  I threw out one alert (in yellow) and one note (in gray) in one post.  I must have been even more caffeinated than usual that day.
• The typography on Thesis is absolute perfection.  It is so much easier to read than most other blogs and websites.  The spacing, the font, the size - everything is exactly as it should be.
• The support provided is also more than you could ever hope for.  With most themes, you make your purchase and then, as far as the designer is concerned, you’re history.  With Thesis, you have every conceivable means of support imaginable.  Chris responds to comments, questions, and concerns on the Thesis blog, he has put together a great manual, and there’s a forum that’s overflowing with creativity and wisdom. 

 I’ve been blogging for two forevers and have seen a lot of themes come and go.  I’ve noticed something about theme coders and designers.  They fall into one of two categories:  They’re either the copied or the copier.  Like fashion designers, they either set the trend others want to follow or they try to follow the trend others set.

I honestly don’t know what’s worse, the copy cats or the ones so out of the loop that don’t realize they should at least be taking notes!

When I’ve been fortunate enough to come across something I love, whether it’s green tea, a great movie (Wanted) or a hot song (Fake It by Seether) - I want to tell other people about it.  What can I say, I play well with others.  Use the links in this post and check out the Thesis Theme.  It’ll could be the smartest purchase you’ll make this year. 

And go see Wanted…

“A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang. - Charly Reese

Said another way, nastiness always comes back and usually hits you in the face.  Sadly, we often stand there, dazed, wondering how such a thing could happen to US.  Oh the unfairness of it all!

Like a boomerang, though, the things that often come back to us originated in that very spot.

In Charley Reese’s quote, the words “malice and envy” could just as easily be replaced with other traits.

For example, the statements below are just as true as the one above:

If rudeness was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If anger was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If suspicion was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If laziness was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If selfishness were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If dishonesy was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

By the same token…

If generosity were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If honesty was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If kindness was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If thoughtfulness were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

It’s the same lesson we try to teach our children, and the same lesson God tries to teach His. You get back what you give out. Right in the middle of a Barbie marathon, I once overheard our oldest daughter, Emily, talking to her younger sisters. Emily was 5 which would have made Brittany and Stephany 4 and 2. I’m not sure what Britt and Steph had done to earn their lecture, but from the kitchen I heard Emily telling them, “If you do good stuff, you get good stuff. If you do bad stuff, you get bad stuff.”

A few minutes later, Brittany left the living room. The pressure must’ve been too much for her.

Emily’s phrasing became a catch phrase for me and my girls.

All of us KNOW, I suppose, the truth of this lesson when it comes to actions we take. But we often fail to realize just how true it is when it comes to the way we treat others. In a very real sense, we’re the author of our life’s script. We totally control (or fail to control) the things we say, the places we go, and the way we treat others. When we make these decisions, whether we realize it or not, we dictate what others will say to us and how they will treat us.

I just have to call someone out for something extra kind and thoughtful they did recently. Steph’s boyfriend (who I adore, btw!) was at our house this weekend. They had been watching a movie and he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Like all young boys, all it takes to sleep is the body being still for 5 minutes. My husband was outside mowing when he noticed that one of Sleeping Cutie’s tires was nearly flat. He took it off the car and took it to be patched up, then brought it back and put it back on the car.

The thoughtfulness meant a lot to Steph’s boyfriend, but I’m sure it meant even more to Steph. It’s always a great feeling when your parents are ridiculously cool. And what he did was a ridiculously cool thing and I’m all kinds of proud of him for it.

It makes you wonder what the world would be like if more people went out of their way to be kind and thoughtful for others. Not for recognition, not for glory, not for anything except the chance to be…well… cool.

It’s just something to think about this week. Treat everyone around you as nicely and kindly as humanly possible. Be thoughtful and go out of your way to make other people smile.

But whatever you do - you’d better watch out. What you throw out will come back to you. As someone once said, “If you do good stuff, you get good stuff. If you do bad stuff, you get bad stuff.” So if you make it your mission to send out a lot of good, you’re going to get a lot of good flying back at you!