March 2006

“Brains first and then Hard Work.”~A.A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh author)

There’s a blog post that I’d love for you to check out.  It contains so much great advice that it actually feels more like an article or a mini-book.

It’s titled  How to Have a 36 Hour Day and is sets out to show you exactly how to do just that.

I’ve read a lot of different time management books and artilces, and ironically the majority of them (in the end) feel like a big, fat waste of the very thing I was looking to accumulate more of!  This particular author is different - everything he has to say is worth listening to.

Then again, what’d you expect from someone who’s a fan of both the Stones and Prince?!?!

Thanks be to a personal hero of mine for pointing me in the direction of the article - Michael.

Joi

P.S. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the sweet e-mails concerning the loss of my mother.

It was a terrible loss that just fell from the sky - she was far too young to die and it was a terrible shock.  But I’d compound the tragedy, and make her as mad as a hornet on a July morning if I didn’t try to get on with my life.  And this would be me trying to do just that.

“Sorrows come to stretch out spaces in the heart - for joy.” ~Edwin Markham

The past week was the worst one I’ve ever lived through, and it will forever be a prayer of mine to never encounter a worst one.

One week ago today I found out that my mom had died.  You always look for “blessings” in these things.  It’s as though the mind says, “Hey, you can handle this.  After all, she isn’t sick anymore….She died in her sleep…..She’s with her own mom and with Daddy now…”  All of the thoughts are comforting to an extent.  The same way Neosporin and a Band-Aid are comforting to a cut.  It covers it up a bit, making it more tolerable - but it doesn’t heal the wound and it most definitely doesn’t make the pain go away.

This post will have no rhythm or rhyme to it because I have no rhythm or rhyme to me!  I remember when I lost my dad, 11 years ago, it took a while for the darkness to let up - the light was finally switched back on in my life, but certainly not right away.  I realize more and more each day how incredibly young my father was when he died - only 54.  My mom wasn’t much older than that.  When they say, “You never know…,” they‘re painfully right.

In the coming week I’ll post about different things I learned from my mother, as well as different things I heard about her this week.

I believe each family has its own language of love.  Some family - like me and my girls and husband say “I love you” everyday - when hanging up on the phone, when those who leave for work leave for work, and at bedtime.  We’re mushy, I guess.  When my girls were little, they were like little dolls to me and I just said the words automatically each time I looked at them!  Some things never change.

My mom and dad’s families were different, so are/were my husband’s.  The love was still there, make no mistake about it - it was just said and shown in different ways.  Rather than a big hug topped off with a peck to the cheek and an “I love you”, a pat on the back was often the message in full.  When my dad would bring home the newest Shaun Cassidy poster and come into my room with “something” behind his back, that was his “I love you!”  I knew it then and I know it now.  And when I’d watch a western with him (some for, like the 500th time!), and act like it was the most interesting and fascinating entertainment in the world, that was my, “I love you, dad and you’re a lot of fun to hang with.”

My mom and I weren’t as touchy, feely as my daughters and I are - because that was how she was raised.  If great big hugs were given out in her family people would wonder if there’d been a terrible diagnosis or something!  Love and affection were simply shown in different ways.  One of the main ways was always being there when they were needed….always lending an ear and a shoulder.  When my daughters came along, everyone got a lot more touchy feely - something about adorable, soft little babies that turns everyone into hugging and cooing machines.

There is no one language of love.  I guess that’s what I’m attempting to say.  So, whatever your family’s language of love is, I’m just encouraging you to speak it and speak it often.  If it’s taking a deli-bought or homemade cake by to a loved one, or sitting and listening (really listening) to their stories, even when they’ve hit syndication - just do it.  Make it a point to touch each person as often as you can, and never wait for “tomorrow” to say or do anything.  We aren’t guaranteed any tomorrows.

My mom sounded and felt wonderful on Saturday afternoon, but when she went to bed Saturday night, with her much beloved dog by her side, she never opened her eyes again.  Ironically, she was even fussing a little about her house - not enough closet space, counter space, or cabinets.  She said that this year she WOULD be moving into a larger house.  I told her, “Okay, if that’s what you want…”  Little did we know then the larger house she’d be moving into.

MAKE.  EACH.  MOMENT.  COUNT.
~Joi

My mother, at 64, died much too early.  She passed away late Saturday evening/Sunday morning.  It struck me last night that this is the first heartbreak I’ve ever had without her to talk to.

I won’t have posts for a few days, obviously.  My brain isn’t really functioning - my heart’s on overdrive and the brain is numb.

I did want to say one thing.  If  you have the incredible fortune of having a parent still living - rather than in Heaven waiting for you (where both of my parents are) - call them and call them often.  I was looking through my mom’s calendars and journal looking for medical information, and something stood out to me.  There were some days when the only thing written as an entry were,  “Talked to Joi, she’s….”,  “Talked to Brittany today, she said….”,  “Talked to Miss Emily…(Not sure why, but Em was always Miss Emily.)”, or “Talked to Stephany. She…..”   Em, Britt and Steph are my daughters and her much, much beloved granddaughters - and each time she heard from or talked to one of us, it was important enough to her to write it down.  It meant that much.  As God as my witness, if I’d  realized that then as I do now, I’d have called my mom every single day.
If you’ve gone through this unbelievable pain, yourself, I know that you’re familiar with this pain.  If you haven’t - give Mom a call.  And a hug.  Maybe send her flowers - It’d make her year.  She’d tell every friend, family member and even stranger that she got flowers from her son/daughter just because they love her.

One last thing, I’ve said it before:  You never know when the world as you know it will fail to exist.  The people around you are vulnerable and as fragile as baby’s breath.   Keep your relationships warm and loving.  Tell people you love that you love them.  You only think you’ll have forever to do so.

-Joi

“A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face.  It is one of the few havens remaining where a man’s mind can get both provocation and privacy.”  ~Edward P. Morgan

I’m sure you’ve heard about Noni products - from juice to lotion they’ve become pretty huge. 

I thought I’d tell you, up front, that I’m not associated with Noni distribution at all.  I’ve never sold it, and don’t currently do so. It’s just one of those things that I believe 100 percent in - like herbs, white tea, yoga, walking, coffee… - but don’t benefit from its sales (unfreakingfortunately!)  So you can rest assured that the following isn’t a sale’s pitch.  I would, if I possessed the soul of a salesperson, sell Noni - but, as my husband can atest, mine is the soul of a buyer.

What exactly is Noni anyway?   A green, knotty tropical fruit (about the size of a potato) that’s found only in the South Pacific.  Noni fruit has antioxidant, immune enhancement and anti-inflammatory properties, is a source of essential fatty acids, and contains wound-healing properties. 

As a juice, Noni helps rid the body of free radicals by delivering amazing antioxidants.  It also gives you more energy and helps the body to maintain a healthy immune system.  In addition to juice, the fruit is also used in the forms of vitamins and skin care products. Noni is now believed to lower cholesterol, in addition to its other claims to fame.

Noni lotion has rich emollients that protect, soothe, and repair skin tissue.  Uses may include any type of skin irritations such as sunburn, acne, rashes, dry scaly skin, cuts and scrapes, fever and cold blisters, insect bites etc.  Our youngest daughter once had a skin condition that resembled psoriasis.  We tried every ointment in the store, but the only thing that healed the scaly patches was a prescription we’d get from her doctor.  She ran out of the medicine one summer and I smoothed some of my Noni lotion (which my elbows, knees, and hands swear by!) on for her.  She said that it immediately felt better - so for about three days, we kept smearing it on.  The skin cleared all the way up.  Even her prescription never cleared it all the way!  What was going to be a temporary stand in for her prescription, until we could get back to the doctor, became a replacement for the prescription.

Can I explain the why’s and where’s of the lotion?  Heck to the no.  Not even close.  All I can say is this:  Noni is legit and I’d recommend looking further into it.  I’ve had the juice, and used the lotion and soap - it’s all good. The claims they make about energy are true - there’s just an overall feeling of feeling overall better!   I’m not pretending for a moment that my endorsement would, or even should, send you to the nearest Noni distributor - I’m just giving you something that I consider worthwhile information. Noni Juice and Noni products are pretty amazing, and you might want to read up on the information.

By the way, Steph’s skin condition (which had been part of her life for 2 years) never returned.

~ Joi

Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.  Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.  ~Paul Pearshall

I recently had a couple of great articles sent to me for The Mental Fitness Center. I think there’s pretty powerful stuff in the words, so I’m hereby dropping links like Randy Jackson drops names.

The Power of Affirmations

Why Sasha Cohen Fell

Have a great weekend, and avoid little restaurants that don’t have their name on the front.  There may be a reason for the obscurity.  The coleslaw may be yellow, the fries may be matchsticks, the hushpuppies coal nuggets, the tea may be dishwater, the tartar sauce mayonnaise, and the waitress from hell may throw it all at you with a scowl.

As my daughter, Emily, once told me, “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes for a great story.”  Within 12 hours I should know if I’m indeed going to live or not. I was really a sight last night, lying on the couch - not wanting to move, not even to blink.  But I had a game to play.  I was watching my UK Wildcats, and we Kentuckians don’t just watch basketball, we live it.  And so, even though I wasn’t at all in game form - I came through, played well and won.

Now I just have to live.

Joi

“There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet.”  ~ William Frederick Halsey, Jr.