May 2007

“Admit your errors before someone else exaggerates them.”  ~ Andrew V. Mason, M.D.

Okay, okay!  I’m a Starbuck’s addicted, procrastinating shopahaulic.  I’m terrible with money, but even worse without it.  I drive so badly I make myself nervous.  I never grew up and don’t believe I ever want to. 

I know Big Mac’s are hateful to my health and hips, but savor every sinful bite.  I play my car radio louder than a 16 year old with a new license.  But things even out, he’d drive better than me.

I always bite off more than I can chew.  I can’t watch a sporting event without getting all into it, body and soul.  I can’t listen to songs without singing along - I even know the words to songs I’ve never heard before.  I scream out loud during scary movies - and grab whatever’s within reach.  Then I’m up all night staring at the ceiling and around the corners.  My mind is always a billion and one places at once, which is dizzying.  But it keeps things interesting.

I think vampires just might exist, and they’re after me.  Every snake is looking for me, too.  Did I mention that I spend too much money.  Oh, man, it’s gone before I get it.  Budget a checkbook?  What’s that, it sounds painful.

With all due respect to Dr. Mason and his wonderful quote, my errors can’t be exaggerated - they’re already exaggerated.

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“When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them.” - Confucius 

I read a lot about the ancient Chinese culture, including a great deal about Confucius. It never ceases to amaze me how much wisdom and artistic beauty existed in this culture.  The quote above is one of my favorite quotes from Confucius. When we read it today, it seems deliciously biting - with sarcasm so perfect that we forgive it for its attitude.

It might help them to realize that what’s being left behind is actually just baggage - it isn’t THEM at all, it’s what’s holding THEM back. To get rid of a fault or bad habit is to free yourself from the baggage and strain - meaning that in the days ahead you’ll be lighter, brighter, and more yourself than you’ve been in a very long time!

Do you have any faults or habits you’d like to throw off today? By doing so, you’re investing in a better tomorrow. For me, personally, I’ve made up my mind to start eating better.  Diabetes runs in my family, and to not take that bit of information seriously today could mean seriously regretting it tomorrow.

I’m not into serious regrets, so today is the day I start saying NO! to burgers, fries, and their type, and YES! (or at least yes) to salads, fruits, veggies, and their type.

Happy now, Confucius?

Have you ever stopped to think about the role your emotional state plays in your life?  It affects everything from your moods to how you relate to and get along with others.  Your emotional state affects how you deal with stress, so it directly affects your health, as well.  I think we all pretty much realize the above effects, but one that’s just as obvious, but less realized, is the role our emotional state plays in getting what we want from life.  If we’re emotionally together, we have a much better chance of calling the shots and making things happen.  However, if we have emotional weaknesses, life is likely to just give it what it wants us to have.  That’s not always a picnic in the park.

You can have all the brain power, the ambition, the motives, and the means, but if you’re carrying around emotional baggage - you aren’t going to get far.  You’ll be like one of those little hamsters running in a wheel.  Spending a great deal of energy to get somewhere, but only going in circles and, literally, getting nowhere fast.

Julie Roberts, Ph.D has written a fascinating book, Change Works with CLEAR:  Clearing Limits Energetically with Acupressure Release.  In it, she beautifully details (among other things) how we can unpack this baggage and get off the wheel.

Energy psychology evolved from the observations that specific acupuncture points are related to particular emotions.  Practitioners noted that stimulating a point releases chemicals in the brain, which relieves negative feelings.  Thus CLEAR evolved from a number of the acupressure methods and a few other energy therapies.  (Page 3) 

Acupressure points, when stimulated by touch, send signals directly to the areas of the brain that control these emotions.  Change Works with CLEAR gives crystal clear illustrations, exercises, and charts detailing these areas and emotions.  There are 4 chapters in the How To Section, spanning over 30 pages, that include a flow chart, diagrams, a sample session, the Steps of the CLEAR process, Learning the Acupressure Points, and using and utilizing muscle testing.

Research has found that the stimulation of the point inhibits the “alarm response” by sending appropriate signals directly to the amygdala (Feinstein, Eden, & Craig, 2005).  Ronald Ruden, M.D., Ph.D., states that stimulation of acupressure points increases serotonin in the cortex and the amygdala, thus removing fear and shifting negative responses to positive ones (Ruden, 2005).  Studies using brain scans also indicate a significant decrease in intensity and frequency of Generalized Anxiety Disorder after acupressure treatment (Anrade, & Feinstein 2003).  (Page 13) 

Chapter 3 “Understanding Trauma” had a huge impact on me.  It taught lessons and gave illustrations that’ll stay with me all of my life.  As a matter of fact, it was so great that I read it twice.  For one thing, I wanted to make sure I didn’t miss anything.  For another, I wanted to let what I knew I caught sink in a little deeper.  Nothing quite like a double dip in the deep end.

If you’re like me, when you see the word Trauma, you think “Oh, that word’s reserved for other people - those who have been held at gunpoint, who lived through a 4 day hostage situation while tied to a grenade…” Those sort of lovely things.  But we miss it by a mile when we think trauma has never introduced itself to us. 

Any of us who have….

• Tried and failed
• Lost a loved one
• Argued with someone close to us
• Lived through a break-up
• Faced an illness
• Been involved in a career change
• Had a wreck
• Moved away from family or a favorite “home”
• Been homesick
• Lost a dream house
• Lost a dream
• Had a child go away to college
• Had a child move out

……have faced trauma.  That’s pretty much all of us, right?  We’ve all met trauma, often more than once.  Chapter 3 lets you know what effects this meeting or meetings have had on you, and the book shows you how to reverse the affect - to make it stop working against you and start working for you.

The process I describe in this book leads you through healing that frees you of old patterns, allowing you to be present in your current thoughts and feelings, and thus more creative in your responses.  (Page 13)

To go into the Process any further, here, would be like trying to make a Red Velvet Cake in a toaster.  You need to read the book (Chapter 3, twice!).  You need to “meet” the interesting people in the case studies.  You need to study the diagrams and follow the charts.  And you need to learn the various Blocking Beliefs and find which ones you are affected by.  There’ll be some you’ll identify with so strongly, you’ll think you wrote them yourself.

Whether you feel stuck in your life or just know there is more that you can accomplish, this book will assist you.  CLEAR helps you move toward your goals by removing triggers that keep you stuck in old patterns.   It helps relieve general and specific anxiety as well as specific issues such as phobias, performance anxiety, and test anxiety.  It helps remove stress that leads to illness.  It also assists you in clearing the blocks that lead to procrastination, lack of motivation, and fears related to success and failure.  CLEAR alleviated depression and moodiness, and helps you understand the issues underlying these emotions.  (Page 9)

For more information, please visit http://www.changeworksinc.com/index.html.  Click on the Publications button to purchase what could be the most rewarding book you ever hold in your hands.  After you’ve bought your copy, visit with Julie by looking around the website and seeing what she has to say.

You know that I don’t recommend many books (aside from The Bible, Dean Koontz and Agatha Christie!) on Self Help Daily.  I read so much that if I were to recommended every single thing I read, you’d never know which books were the “Stand Outs.”  So when I tell you that you should read a certain book, you know I mean it.  It’s a Stand Out.  I could, literally, pitch a new book to you every day of the week - complete with a self-serving Amazon affiliate link - but I don’t.  In fact, I’ve never used an Amazon link on this blog.  Nothing against them, of course - we use Amazon for most of our online book buying.  I just want you to know that when I put a book on your desk, I’m doing it for one reason and one reason only.  I have read it, and I want you to read it as well.

Get your copy of Change Works with CLEAR as soon as possible!  http://www.changeworksinc.com/index.html

 ”If there’s something in your life that you want to change, change it. Quit complaining. It makes your life miserable; it makes everyone else’s life miserable around you. That’s the way I live. It makes me a happy person.” - Ashley Scott (actress) 

Today is Armed Forces Day - so, what better time to thank all of our men and women who serve our country, and us. Your bravery, your sacrifices, your passion, and your patriotism can’t possibly be described.  Not by a mere mortal, and since I’m the merest of mortals, I’m failing before I even begin.

My husband served in the Army as well as in the Air Force.  I know what his country meant to him then and I know what it means to him now.  I see it in his eyes every time he sees the flag blowing in the free wind, every time our beautiful national anthem is sung, and every time he sees a man or woman in uniform  They’re all symbols for what makes our nation so strong and so incredibly special.

I can only partly understand what a man, woman, boy or girl gives up when they join the armed forces.  I remember moving away from my own family and home with my husband when he enlisted.  The holidays and birthdays away from family is agonizing.  But we had one another, followed by three beautiful little girls. 

I can’t even begin to imagine what a young person goes through when they enter the armed forces.  Alone and miles upon miles away from home?  I couldn’t have done it when I was 19, or 20, or 25, or - oh, heck, I could have never done it.  I’m not strong or courageous enough - nowhere near it.  Thanks be to God that there are a select few who excel where I fail.

I just want to take this opportunity to tell all of our men and women in the armed forces and its reserves that you are very, very, very, very special people and we ALL owe a debt to you that we could never repay.

To those of you with servicemen and women in your own life, I hope you don’t let a day go by without telling them how proud you are of them.  I also want you to know that I respect you and the sacrifices you make.  There is no “Family of the Armed Forces” day, so I’ll just tell you now - you’re special, too!

For the rest of us?  We should keep all of the men and women of the military, and their families (who know a thing or two about sacrifice, themselves) in our prayers, in our minds, and in our hearts. 

After September 11th, we all flew our American flags in unity, pride, and support.  We were right to do so!  Our only mistake was taking them down.  They should have stayed out for the world to see that, not only are we Americans….we’re proud to wear the title. 

With love, gratitude and support from my family to yours!

Joi

If you’re a parent, you know exactly what I mean when I say that there is no more difficult (but, at the same time, rewarding) job in the world.  As adults, we’ve sat through life’s toughest “classes,” taken it’s hardest “courses,” and endured it’s nastiest “professors.”  We’ve seen the materials and want nothing more than to rush in front of our kids and catch them before they enter the class room.  We want to take them aside and show them exactly what to expect, where they’re most likely to trip up, and how they can get an A when life wants to get a D at best.

The height….the absolute height…of frustration is when they nod to a parent and say, “Nah, I got this one.”  Or, give you a look that says, “You have no idea what it’s like out there.”  Out there being the real world, because parents surely don’t live there, do they?

I’ve been very, very blessed with my own daughters.  I can count on one hand the number of times they’ve side-stepped me and my proverbial cheat sheet - and I don’t even need the thumb.  Very blessed.

However, even if it happened only once - it’d be one more time than I’d have wanted.  Don’t get me wrong, I want each of my girls to have their own mind - I want them to think for themselves and make decisions based upon what’s right and what makes them happy.  Not what’s right according to mom and not what makes mom happy.

It’s just tough as a parent to know when to pull back, you know?  On the one hand, we realize that they have to take the toughest courses, face the toughest teachers, and sometimes even fail.  That’s life.  And unless we somehow place them inside of a 1950s sitcom, we can’t make everything around them perfect.

This is an area I admit struggling with.  And I think that it’s because my daughters and I are so incredibly close.  We’ve been through a lot in life - our family (on both sides) has had more than it’s share of illnesses and losses.  We’ve also moved a lot more than most families ever even dream of.  The upside of it all has been a very closely knit family.  Because of that closeness, I find myself wanting desperately to guard them against every single discomfort life has in store for them.

Fortunately I’m usually a reasonable person - so I can see the absurdity of that. (”Usually” is laughing, that’s why it appears to be falling down.)

Anyway, one of the main lessons I’ve always tried to drill into my daughter’s heads is the one who’s course is taught by Professor Tomorrow.  It’s easy to get caught up in today, in the here and now, and not realize the plain truth:  Tomorrow not only always comes, it’s wearing the clothes we dress it in today.

Unfortunately, that’s a truth that’s hard enough for us to keep our minds wrapped around, let alone young people who haven’t seen as many “tomorrows” as we have!  It’s, in fact, probably a truth that we all need to cozy up to more often.  I know I do - it’s an area I admit to struggling mightily with.  I generally don’t see past my own nose, but I’m trying to get better.  Just about every problem we run into in our lives is because of a failure to do something differently the day before, the week before, the month before, etc. 

• The kitchen’s a mess - we didn’t do the dishes the night before.
• The Levi’s are too tight - we didn’t exercise often enough.
• We’re behind at work - we weren’t as diligent with our work as we were our play.
• We run out of money - I….(er, I mean we)…spent more than we should have at the mall…or, um, wherever.

When we touch today, tomorrow feels it. 

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“If you treat people badly today, you get to reap the benefits tomorrow.”  ~ Sandi Bachom

Is your walking routine walking all over your weight loss goals?  Unless you’re going about it at a mad crazy pace and/or doing it in the form of hiking, the answer’s probably a depressing yes. 

In fact, if you’re walking to lose weight, you’d be just about as well off shopping, cleaning, gardening or cooking.

Say what?

Here are the sobering facts:

[The information is based on a 150 person, so if you weigh more than 150, you'll burn a little more.  If you weigh less than 150, you'll burn a little less.] 

1. 30 minutes walking at a moderate pace will burn 112 calories.
2. 30 minutes cleaning house will burn 119 calories.
3. 30 minutes cooking will burn 85 calories.
4. 30 minutes grocery shopping, with a cart, will burn 119 calories.

We’d actually burn a few more calories cleaning house or grocery shopping than walking! And we’d have something to show for it - like a spiffy house or a pantry full of goodies….all healthy and lo-cal, of course.

Yet, we walkers will do our thing - all the while thinking that we’re on top of this fitness thing.  “Sure, I can have that burger. I earned it.”  Uh huh.  Granted, we’ll also find ourselves groaning, “With all that activity, how are the pounds not just melting off?”

Problem is “all that activity” really isn’t all that impressive to stubborn calories.  They’re like, “Pfffff…”  Since we’re outdoors and, if the weather’s warm, probably sweating, we’re fooled into thinking we’re doing more than we actually are.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not AT ALL saying we shouldn’t walk.  Walking is amazing, amazing exercise, and fresh air is always a good thing.  I’m just saying that if we rely on it as our sole means of losing weight, we’re in for a long, disappointing road.  I walk every day and wouldn’t even dream of stopping. It makes me feel great, and I can tell the difference on days I can’t walk. I love walking, it just isn’t the best weight loss game in town.

So, what’s a walker to do?  Below are a few ideas:

• Mix it up a little.  Walk for a minute, then speed walk for a minute, then jog for a minute.  Then, go back to walking normally and repeat the cycle over again.  For whatever reasons, your heart and body loves this little game and will insist on rewarding you.
• Keep your normal walking routine…after all, 112 calories burned are better than 0 calories burned.  Just add MORE activity to the rest of the day.  Plant a garden, then water and weed it several times a week.  This is incredible exercise and will give you all sorts of great, healthy food - and flowers, too.  Mustn’t forget the flowers.  Another cool way to sneak in some activity is to get up during all of the commercials while watching your favorite program(s).  If you do the twist for a combined total of 14 minutes, for example, you will have burned off 150 calories!
• I saved this one for last, because that’s what it deserves.  Cut back on the number of calories consumed during the day.  I think all of us could eat a lot less than we do - and feel better for our efforts.  I don’t know about where you live, but in the south, we’re raised thinking that a meal has to include meat, three vegetables, bread with real butter and honey or preserves, and then dessert.   Anything less?  Well that means the cook wasn’t raised right….or isn’t right with God…or both.

The best way to enjoy walking is to find a hiking trail.  Just be sure you play it safe and never go marching off alone.  (I know, I know - I’m mothering you, but I can’t help it.)  Most places have state parks nearby.  Look into it - it could be a lot of fun! Do a Google search for trails in your area, there are probably some you didn’t even know about.  Trails + “Your state” will give you a great place to start.

Happy trails!

“We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny.  But what we put into it is ours.”  - Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish statesman, secretary-general of the UN (1905-1961)

I caught myself the other day in the middle of one of those moments.  You know the kind - when the “will” in your will-power becomes a “won’t” and the “can” in your can do becomes a “can’t possibly.”

Those kind of thoughts have no future and if the thinker gives into them, they’re in the same doomed vehicle.  Since this kind of vehicle only has a neutral and reverse, I hopped out as fast as possible.  I held myself accountable before bailing, though.

My brain had just informed me that I couldn’t do a certain thing.  It’s exact words were, “You can’t get this done.”  Something about that didn’t set right, so I immediately edited the thought.  I took out “can’t” and replaced it with “won’t” and then through an open-ended ”because” on the end.  Then I stood accountable before the new challenge:  “You won’t get this done because__________.”

So I asked myself to fill in the blank with a list of the things that were standing in my way. Reasons that I could not get this particular thing done. Turns out there were only a couple of obstacles.  Calling them out gave me a sense of power, and put me back in control.  I was able to see them for what they were - road blocks.  If I were going to move forward, the road blocks had to be removed.

The next time the vehicle of doom shows up at your doorstep, be ready for it. Outsmarting yourself can be very liberating.  For example, if you were to think, “I can’t lose weight!!!” (Weight-y quotes always scream.) - Turn the tables around and say, “I won’t lose weight because _________….”  

• ….I eat too much ice cream.
• ….The only exercise I get is walking into and out of Wal-Mart.
• ….I sit too much.
• ….My three meals a day has turned into six.

When you realize that it isn’t a matter of “can’t” but a matter of “won’t,” a little alarm goes off inside your head.  The new perspective acts as a wake-up call:  Most of the things we “can’t” get done are simply things we “won’t” get done.  

Until, that is, we’re ready to put the pedal to the metal and plow through the road blocks.  I’m game, how about you?