July 2007

My youngest daughter, Stephany, and I were having a deep conversation over burgers the other day.  Given enough time in McDonald’s, I’m certain we could solve every problem our world faces - or at least put a dent in them.

I was commending her on the way she treats her friends.  She’s always doing really sweet things for them and never expecting anything in return.  Eventually, most of them will (of course) return the favors.  Not always.  And the beauty of it is, she doesn’t keep score.

Lovin’ that.

Somewhere between the last bite of the burger and the second to the last fry, she said, “If more people would do more things for others…and not worry about themselves so much….they’d see that it feels so good, they’d get addicted to it.”

I raise my glass of iced tea to the notion and, for the first time ever, hope to see some serious addictions taking shape.

“Loosen up.  Relax.  Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.”  - Life’s Little Instruction Book # 205

 Relationships. Seems like a pretty loaded word, doesn’t it?  I mean, who’d want their significant other to say, “Let’s sit down, I want to discuss our relationship.”  Come to think of it, who’d want anyone - significant or otherwise - to take a magnifying glass to the R-word?

Yet it’s something that we all think about from time to time - how our relationships are going, how they could be better, what we’re doing right, what we’re doing wrong, etc. Maybe I should say we should think about what we’re doing right or wrong. But, hey, we’re human, we’d much rather think about what we’re doing right and the other guy or gal is doing wrong.  It’s a lot easier to sleep at night when you know you’re perfect.  But enough about me.

I’ll just go ahead and preface the next paragraph by saying that I’ll be oversimplifying.  Big.  But, sometimes the best way to look at things is through the long lens….gives you a great, overall picture.

Having said that, my philosophy on Relationships is completely simple and absolutely Golden.  There are as many different types of relationships as there are people:

• Romantic
• Parent
• Child
• Sibling
• Grandchild
• Grandparent
• Boss
• Employee
• Daughter in Law
• Son in Law
• Friend
• Daughter’s Boyfriend
• Son’s Girlfriend
• God!
• Etc….

They all come down to one basic truth though:  The best way to make a relationship work is to treat the other person the way you want to be treated.  Yes, there are other layers to realtionships - thousands upon thousands of them.  But these layers will be so much sweeter if you follow the Golden Rule.  They’ll be nothing but one sour experience after the other if you don’t.

Sometimes I measure the amount of time my husband and I have been married through experiences rather than years. We married early and had three children when we weren’t much more than children, ourselves. We’ve lived in a total of 6 states, countless cities and too many apartments/houses to even count. We’ve encountered, within our families, just about every illness and tragedy known to man. We bought our dream house, we lost our dream house. He had numerous layoffs before landing in the career he’s flourishing in now. Financially - I remember a time when we had to look up to see the bottom.

But when I look back on all the hills and valleys, one thing was amazingly constant. Even in the middle of life’s hurricanes, our relationship was always strong. It’s always been filled with much more laughing than crying, and given some of the things we’ve seen - that’s a biggie. Sure, we argue, and of course there are times when we’ll face off - daring the other one to look away. Generally at times like that, I’ll crack up. I just can’t take him seriously when he acts like he knows more than I do. Honey, please.

I think the way we treat each other can be summed up with the Golden Rule - we treat one another the way we’d like to be treated.

The next time your wife gets a speeding ticket (Breath, Michael…I didn’t get another one…), think how you’d want her to react if you’d done the nasty to her herb bed with your weedeater.

When your daughter’s date shows up, smile and treat them the way you’d want to have been treated when you were the date.  When you meet your son’s bride-to-be - look as closely for the good in her as you wanted his parents to look for yours.  I know it won’t be as easy…but look anyway.  Not for her, necessarily…but for him.  And for your relationship.  I remember when I first met Michael’s family, they honestly made me feel like I was the prettiest, smartest, coolest girl they’d ever met. 

It simply doesn’t matter what relationship you have…or with whom…. you’ll only get out of it what you’re willing to put into it.  Treat them like they’re nothing but a walking mat and they’ll treat you like you’re nothing more than a pair of smelly shoes. 

A relationship where both aren’t giving as good as they get is like getting a kiss with one lip. Pfffft.  So, while it might not be entirely pleasant, the next time you aren’t 100 percent happy with one of your relationships, ask if you’re treating them like you’d want to be treated.  Is the way you talk about them when they aren’t around the way you’d want to be talked about?  Is the tone you take with them the tone you’d want taken with you?  Do you make them feel special or like they could never live up to your expectations if they had 3 lifetimes? 

Now go out there and make your relationships golden!

When’s the last time you took up a new hobby?  If you’re like most people, it’s been too long and it’s way past time for a new one!

Give it some thought tonight and come up with a hobby that you’d like to introduce yourself to - one that you’ll be as new to as it will be to you.  Not only will it be great for your brain (brain cells love to learn new things and have fresh experiences), you’ll have a lot of fun, too. 

Some ideas to get your thought processes going:

• Photography - There are lots of photography magazines and books to guide you in this artsy hobby, and even more people, places, and things to inspire you.  You could also start with the very thorough and well-done website, “TakeGreatPictures.com” - they cover all the bases, and the outfield, too.
• Yoga - This falls under one of those “I did it before and want to pick it back up” categories for me.  Injuries from a fight with a lawn chair (it won) and a wrestling match with a pit bull who wanted to eat my cats (I won) knocked me off my game, so I pretty much have to start all over again.  But I know it’s worth it.  Yoga’s as good for you as it is enjoyable. If you’re a newbie, you should grab a great dvd like Yoga For Beginners.  If you aren’t completely new to yoga, I’d recommend Sara Ivanhoe’s 20 Min Yoga Makeover - 5 Volume Gift Set (Power Beauty Sweat, Total Body Tone with Weights, Flat Abs, Weight Loss, Sculpted Buns & Thighs).
• Running -  I’ll leave this to those of you who could last longer than my all-time record of 5 feet  (slight exaggeration) - I’ll be striking a yoga pose if you need me…just please don’t need me if you’re too far out.
• Sewing - I remember when I had a sewing machine and was teaching myself to sew…it was so much fun and so rewarding.  I actually made myself a skirt, a cool pillow, and quite a few things for my daughters.  Then my machine broke, and since I was even more broke than it was, that was that.  Sewing’s something else I’d very much like to take back up!
• Golf - Grab yourself some killer wedges, some killer information, and go get ‘em!  I, personally, will stick with the miniature courses - out of consideration for the safety of others.
• Tennis - About as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.  It’s a total body workout and, let’s face it, everyone wants to be able to say they have a killer serve.
• Learn to Play the Piano - Supposedly, The Only Basic Piano Instruction Book You’ll Ever Need is, indeed, the only piano instruction book you’ll ever need.  Playing the piano is one of those things that most of wish we knew how to do but don’t want to put the time and effort into making it happen.
• Become a Collector - Antiques, coins, stamps, books, Pez dispensers… Not only is it incredibly enjoyable, it can be profitable. You’d be amazed what collectors are willing to pay for missing pieces.

The trick is to pick an area that interests you, then learn all you can about it and go as far as you can with it.  A year from now (with a year’s worth of skill under your belt) you’ll be so glad you did that you’ll want to hug yourself.

That’s when the yoga would really come in handy.

When I was deciding upon special quotes to use for the 4th of July’s post, I kept coming back to one of my favorite presidents:  Ronald Reagan.  The man had a way with words and I’ll always feel that our country, and possibly the world, were slighted by his illness and subsequent death. 

There’s never been a politician that I agreed with 100 percent on everything, and sometimes I find myself agreeing with politicians who happen to be Republicans and sometimes agreeing with politicians who happen to be Democrats.  I’m not loyal to any particular party - only my country and the world that it’s a part of.  I stand behind any man or woman who will do their best to fight for what’s right for everyone in every corner of the world….as well as the corners here at home.

Ronald Reagan was one of the few politicians I actually believed in, and to be honest, I keep searching the fields of politicians (in every possible party) for one that’s cut from similar cloth. 

The search continues.

Below are some of my favorite quotes from President Ronald Reagan:

“Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. It is a weapon our adversaries in today’s world do not have.”

“All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”

“Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.“

“But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.“

“Democracy is worth dying for, because it’s the most deeply honorable form of government ever devised by man.“

“Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we’ve ever known.“

“Double, no triple, our troubles and we’d still be better off than any other people on earth.”

“Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn’t pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.“

“Freedom prospers when religion is vibrant and the rule of law under God is acknowledged.“

“Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.“

“Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.“

“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.“

“Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them.“

“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.“

“I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US Congress.“

“I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will always eventually triumph. And there’s purpose and worth to each and every life.“

“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.“

“I’ve never been able to understand why a Republican contributor is a ‘fat cat’ and a Democratic contributor of the same amount of money is a ‘public-spirited philanthropist’.“

“Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music.“

“Our forbearance should never be misunderstood. Our reluctance for conflict should not be misjudged as a failure of will. When action is required to preserve our national security, we will act.“

“Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.“

“Some people wonder all their lives if they’ve made a difference. The Marines don’t have that problem.“

“Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.’ And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.“

“Today we did what we had to do. They counted on America to be passive. They counted wrong.“

“To sit back hoping that someday, some way, someone will make things right is to go on feeding the crocodile, hoping he will eat you last - but eat you he will.“

“Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.“

And, possibly, the most thought-provoking of all: 

“I couldn’t help but say to Mr. Gorbachev just think how easy his task and mine might be in these meetings that we held if suddenly there was a threat to this world from another planet. We’d find out once and for all that we really are all human beings here on this earth together.“

I hope all of you, and your families, have an amazing Fourth of July - with great food, and lots of it. 

I subscribe to about 12 different CNN alerts, and I honestly wondered how I ever managed without them in my e-mail’s inbox.  If you’ve never hooked up with any of these alerts, I’d highly recommend it. You can get instant notification of news, as soon as it hits CNN…this, I love.  I’m one of those people who wants to know what’s happening the minute it happens, not hours later. 

You can also customize the fields of interest, so you’re notified of news that would be of interest to you.  I’ve nabbed fitness, entertainment, fashion, cooking, baseball, education, movies, books, and others.  

I’m really not sure which one’s coattail this one rode in on, but I’m glad it did.  It’s a report on Surprising Things You Can Get For Free, and it’s equal parts surprising and free.

Take a look, I’m betting you find something of interest!

Okay, this is cute.  No, I mean really cute!  Lipton Tea has a Fight Indooritis website up and it’s a total hoot.  It’s all in fun, of course, but there’s a great deal of truth lurking behind the smiles.

We do spend too much time indoors, don’t we?  Have you ever noticed how much complaining kids now days do about the weather?  The same weather that you and I used to spend all day in - playing hide and seek, softball, tennis, riding bikes, or just going from porch to porch and pooch to pooch…  If it was hot, we’d just turn the sprinkler on for a little bit, or spray one another off.  Then, off we’d go again.

Now, if kids get a little hot, they run for the house and their techlicious toys and tv. 

Adults are, of course, spending too much time indoors, too. We’re blogging, networking, and playing with our own techlicious toys.  Inactivity and a lack of fresh air isn’t exactly doing us a world of good, is it?  It’s a beautiful world out there and we need to enjoy it without a window between us.

Here’s the link to the cool little site: http://www.fightindooritis.com/

Enjoy - but not for too long.  The world’s waiting for you!

Joi

Thanks, Aditya, for bringing this one to my attention!

P.S.  By the way, if you’ve never tried the bottled teas Lipton makes - the Green Tea with citrus or the White Tea with Raspberry, you should check them out asap.  My family is addicted to them.  We’re all trying to kick the soda habit and Lipton’s making it a cinch.  I get the diet varieties and, I promise, they’re absolutely delicious.