March 2008

Okay, it’s been a while since I’ve ranted, right? Maybe, kind of sort of a while? At any rate, I’ve felt one coming on all week and I should warn you, it’s about to go down. 

My youngest daughter and I get out and about everyday.  For one thing, we walk at the mall, at least until the weather gets nice enough to return to one of our beloved trails or parks.  We also grocery shop each day, because my little mind thinks I have to have the freshest produce and meats when cooking supper.  Then there are the trips to Starbucks, bookstores, back to Starbucks, etc.

Suffice to say, we see a lot of what goes on out in public and it’s not always pretty.  Frankly, unlike my daughter, I don’t care about the fashion mistakes - but, be warned, if you’re out and about in head to toe denim, she’s looking for you.  What people do with their hair or don’t do with their hair is their business.  Blue hair? Tattoos?  Piercings?  Whatever. The way I see it, some people simply express themselves differently than others - I’d never try to clamp down on their expression any more than I’d want anyone telling me that I wear too many bracelets.  My arms are my own business and their heads are theirs.

What irks me, angers me, saddens me, and makes me wish there was a Justice League comprised of super heroes who looked after little people is parents/grandparents/guardians/whatever who act like jerks to their children.  Steph and I saw two little boys with their dad in Kroger a few nights ago. The little boys (who both looked kind of like Beaver Cleaver in the early days) were laughing and talking, like any normal kids do.  The dad turns to the taller little boy….grabs him by the hair and says, “Shut up!”  The kid yelps in pain and surprise, I’d imagine.  This, of course, just gets him in more trouble.   The words, “My God!” came spilling out of my mouth and I gave the man such a glare, he cowered toward his cart.

Our entire night was ruined after that.  Just the thought of what some kids have to live with breaks my heart.  It is never, never, never okay to lay your hands on a child (or anyone for that matter!) like that.  People wonder why so many kids are violent and angry - they learn it from their parents.  Why humiliate a child in public like that?  Why pull hair like a 7 year old?!  Why can adults not act like adults?

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better? - Jane Nelson

The very same day, we’re in the mall’s public restroom and there’s a lady with a 3 or 4 month old baby at the fold down changing table.  The baby’s crying, so the mother reaches into her purse for something - she pulls out her key chain that’s full of keys, but it falls on the floor.  She bends over, picks them up and hands them to the baby. He, of course, puts them in his mouth.  Clean keys would have been gross enough, but HELLO, they had just fallen on a public restroom’s floor!  Do some people have bat#&$! for brains?

Yesterday, again in Kroger, we see a well-dressed lady with an adorable little boy about 3 and a little girl around 7 who looks like a baby Queen Latifah (adorable!).  The little girl is telling the mother about her school day.  The mom doesn’t even listen to a thing the little girl says….she just rolls her eyes and says, “I’m trying to shop.”  The little boy tells her he has to use the restroom and the mom responds with, “If you say that again, I’m going to smack your face.”

What’s up with people any more?!  Fortunately these incidents are few and far between, but in the name of all that’s right, they shouldn’t happen at all.

Children are a blessing - a beautiful, beautiful blessing.  Sometimes, like all blessings, they may not seem that way at the time - but they’re always a blessing!  I just don’t get how anyone could ever mistreat or disrespect a child.  I don’t know what kind of a man can live with himself after he has grabbed a little boy by the hair.  I don’t know how a mom can expect her child to ever listen to her when she never listens to the child.  I don’t know how a parent can threaten to smack someone who barely comes up above her knees!

I’m posting this rant in the hopes that if any parents read this they’ll think a little bit about how they treat their children.  The instances we witnessed this week were extreme - I honestly don’t know what’s happened to everyone this week! But parents not taking the time to listen to their children is something that happens everywhere, everyday.  If it’s important enough for the child to talk about it, it should be important enough for a parent to listen to.

And hitting, threatening to hit, pulling hair?!  Pretty classy.

Maybe we should all treat our children the way we want them to one day treat us.  Whether we realize it or not, I think we pretty much do.

Quotes About Self Respect

Not respecting yourself is the same as committing suicide at a slow rate. - Unknown

I think somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision. - Eleanor Roosevelt

No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence. - Frederick Douglass

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves–there lies the great, singular power of self-respect. - Joan Didion

The capacity for getting along with our neighbor depends to a large extent on the capacity for getting along with ourselves. The self-respecting individual will try to be as tolerant of his neighbor’s shortcomings as he is of his own. - Eric Hoffer

In my day, we didn’t have self-esteem, we had self-respect, and no more of it than we had earned. - Jane Haddam

They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.  - Mahatma Gandhi

“He who is silent is forgotten; he who does not advance falls back; he who stops is overwhelmed, out distanced, crushed; he who ceases to grow becomes smaller; he who leaves off, gives up; the condition of standing still is the beginning of the end.” - Henri Frederic Amiel

More Motivational Quotes

In 1998, on a deserted road, 21 year old Matthew Shepard was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die.  Tragically, 3 days later, that’s exactly what happened.

Was he guilty of a crime that vigilante justice insisted he atone for?  Had he cheated on or wronged someone for the last time?  Was someone settling a score?   What had this beloved son done to “deserve” to be tortured and murdered?

In a sentence?  Matthew Shepard was gay.   His young life was brutally ended for that reason alone.

I cannot even begin to imagine a more horrific or terrifying death.  The pain, the fear, the helplessness, and the suffering.   I also cannot even begin to imagine something else:  The HATE.  How can any human have so much hate inside of them that they would do this to another person?  How could anyone be so demonic and so unspeakably evil?

Unfortunately, Matthew Shepard wasn’t the first victim of a hate crime or the last.  No race, sex, denomination, or individual is safe from hate crimes.  Anyone could be targeted, actually, because we’re all different.  Christians, blacks, gays, latinos, Jews, native Americans… the list goes on and on.  History has proven that hate, when fed a continual diet of rage and intolerance will lead to unspeakable crimes.

Some people think nothing can be done about it, so why even try.   Fortunately, at least as many people know that love is greater than hate and that to not try is somewhat like contributing to the hate.

Just a few thoughts:

1. Examine your own heart.  Do you harbor hatred toward any group of people?  If so, ask yourself how comfortable you are being filled with something as ugly and poisonous as hatred.
2. Listen to your children.  Do they continually make fun of or condemn a certain type of person?  Ask yourself how comfortable you are with your children being full of such hatred.  One of the saddest things in the world is when parents raise their children to hate just as they hate.  WHY WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO HATE INSTEAD OF LOVE?
3. Realize that we are all different.  It may be a shock to one’s system, but we are all hated by someone.  Whether it’s for our race, our religion, or our sex - we are all the object of someone else’s hatred and intolerance. 

After you take a good look inward, make the necessary changes outward.  Hate destroys all of those it touches - those who harbor it every bit as much as those they harbor it towards.

Granted, we all have different views and different beliefs.  There’s nothing wrong with that. If one person is a Democrat and the other’s a Republican - neither has done anything wrong.  But when one develops hatred for the other and becomes so intolerant that they treat the other as though they’re diseased, they fail to realize that the one who is diseased is actually themself. 

Hatred is a disease.  Love is the cure.  Even if someone does something you don’t agree with or understand, you should love them.  Hating will destroy you long before it does them.

Matthew Shepard’s family has set up a remarkable foundation in their beloved son’s name.  It’s too late to save Matthew, of course, but the hope is that it isn’t too late to save other sons and daughters, mothers and fathers…..  Their message is a simple yet powerful one:  Erase Hate.  There are pendants and tees that shout the message out loud and proud.

The more of us who wear and live this message, the better.  When the haters of the world see how completely outnumbered they are, perhaps they’ll retreat to a corner and figure out how to get a life.  Maybe then, when they step back out of the corner, they can actually enjoy life, contribute to society, live a life worth living, and allow everyone else to do the same.

Visit the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s Web Site today. 100% of the net proceeds go to the Matthew Shepard Foundation. 

The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend on himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. - Plato

If you’re a writer or would-be writer, I want to tell you about a web site you’ll be interested in.  How We Became Writers is a stroke of creative genius.  HWBW is exactly what it sounds like, a collection of writings by writers, telling how they became writers.  I’ve read and have been motivated by each entry.  There’s simply no better way to be inspired or motivated than by reading the accounts of others who share your interests.  Inevitably, you come away with ideas, renewed passion, and a feeling of, “I can do this!”  Love that last one.

Check out the writings, they’re very interesting and motivating!

A man that studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. - Francis Bacon

Fingers, toes, eyes, legs, arms, and lips crossed that this link works.  This is amazing! 

You may wonder, at first, what this video would have to do with Self Help - but somewhere between, “How could anyone have this much imagination?” and  “What kind of brain is able to produce something like this?,” it’ll hit you.  The human mind is a complex and amazing thing.  We’re filled with so many possibilties and so much potential.  (How could we not be, God made us?!?!) 

Today think about your own possibilities and potential.  What might be lying dormant inside of you?  There are unrealized dreams and untapped acts of brilliance just lying there waiting for us to get our gumption up, stroke our confidence like we stroke our cat, and make our move.  This video has inspired me to step all of my games up and try to play at another level.

The ingenuity and imagination that went into making this “Animator vs Animation” video has inspired me and I hope it’ll have the same effect on you.

Animator vs. Animation

Here’s some fascinating information about Green Tea:

A study from Japan has shown that people who drink two cups of green tea a day had a 50% lower risk of dementia compared to those who drank less than 3 cups a week.  Black tea and coffee failed to show this benefit.

For more on keeping your brain in tip top shape and fighting off the effects of aging, see Keeping Your Brain Healthy at Any Age.