April 2008

My husband pointed out a few fascinating posts for me to read this morning before he left for work.  They dealt with blog themes, search engine optimization, and blog categories.  I’ve been thinking about using new themes on Self Help Daily, Get Cooking, and Out of Bounds.   They don’t seem appropriate for the Revolution Theme I talked about a few posts back, but I want desperately to give them a facelift!

 So my coffee and I sat down and started to read - well, I read, the coffee simply healed the morning.

Just as I was soaking up all the knowledge, my eyes began to wander around the sidebars….hmmm, lots of interesting stuff - blogrolls, links, pretty colors, ads… it wasn’t long before I found myself skipping over rock islands in the stream rather than sitting on the banks with my homework. 

It’s all good, though.  I’m on my way back across the stream now, heading back to the banks where the homework’s waiting patiently.  Along the way, I wanted to drop off a few interesting posts I found.  I know you’ll get a great deal out of each one.  Enjoy!

Why Envy is Your Biggest Motivator - This brilliant post is written from an entrepreneural standpoint, but you can get just as much out of it from a Self Improvement standpoint.  Great stuff, so read it carefully and soak up the wisdom.

How to Find Your Creative Zen - Another great read filled with tons of information.  If it doesn’t light a fire under you, you might want to check your pants…..they might be wet.

Stop Talking, from The Happiness Project - “Silence isn’t golden in every situation, because sometimes conversation is what a person needs…“  Read to find out when silence is EXACTLY what’s needed.

You’ll want to make each of the blogs part of your regular routine.  I spent quite a bit of time on each one’s rock island and found them to be of the highest quality.  The writing, the wisdom, the wit - each would be a perfect addition to your feed reader.

 ” I’m not sure what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate. As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’ “  - Nicole Kidman, after her split with Tom Cruise

I love that quote.  I loved it the first time I read it, years ago when Nicole Kidman was putting her life back together after a devastating break up with Tom Cruise;  and I love it just as much today when life finds the gorgous actress blissfully in love and starting a family with country music star Keith Urban.

I guess there’s a lot to be said for keeping your head up and your eyes on the road ahead.  You never know what (or who) is headed your way.

When bad things… things that are out of our control… happen to us we have choices to make.  The choices we make will determine just how “bad” the “bad” will be AND just how much of our future it will touch.

These choices are pretty clear.  We can either…

….get bitter or get better. 

…..move forward or fall back.

…..learn from it or lean on it.

If you think of life as a long and winding road, disappointments and disasters can be thought of as anything that interferes with the ebb and flow of your trip.  Just as a road trip can be affected by rain, road work, vehicular malfunctions, other drivers, and detors - life has plenty of bumps as well.  Things that make you say, “This isn’t how I planned it!!”  

Of course, in both instances, sometimes you simply lose your way.  Times when you have to regroup, remind yourself where you want to go and then drive off into the sunset again - vowing to hit your mark this time!

The point is, there will be problems ahead and they’re not all bad.  If nothing else, they keep things interesting and keep us on our toes.  They can even, if we handle them properly,  make us better - but if we allow ourselves to be overcome by them, they’ll make us bitter and angry, neither of which is very attractive.  Sometimes, in the words of Nicold Kidman’s dad, we have to realize, “It is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.”

Stewing over situations doesn’t change them…it only changes us, and never for the better.  Let it go and move on.  Go forward, don’t stand still, and never, ever try to go back.

Not only should we choose better over bitter and forward over backward, we should pay extra attention to how we “play” the last choice as well.  We have to make certain that we LEARN from disappointments rather than LEAN on them.  They aren’t crutches or excuses - they’re lessons.  They aren’t tickets excusing us from doing our best, they’re trumpets encouraging us to stand up and give our absolute best. 

* A couple of new articles have been added to the  Aticles Section.

Not long ago I wrote about how I was dragging and pulling myself away from the high-calorie but addictively delicious drinks at Starbucks.  You know the ones:  Mocha Latte, Green Tea Frappuccino, Caramel Frappuccino, White Chocolate Latte….

…..Must ignore intense cravings, must ignore intense cravings…

Well, my beloved Starbucks has helped me out.  They now serve a delicious alternative to these high-calorie delights - Iced Coffee.  My new addiction is saving me a ridiculous number of calories.

I can, when the thrifty mood hits me (hey, it happened once), also save a little money by making iced coffee at home.  No, I don’t have the rush of the green straw or the delightful banter with the baristas (who know me as well as they know their own family), but it’s fun to try out different coffee flavors. 

I know I’ve written about The Toddy Coffee Cold Brewing System on my food blog, but I don’t think I have on Self Help Daily before.  Proposterous!  Self Help and coffee go hand in hand.  
Tree Huggers love this system because it uses less energy than the traditional method of brewing coffee.  Coffee Cup Holders (especially those who, like me, hold a cup in each hand) love the Toddy Coffee Cold Brewing System because the coffee is out of this world.

The only way I can describe a cup of coffee that’s been cold brewed with Toddy is this:

You know when you step into a Starbucks, or any coffee house, your senses are hit with that amazingly aromatic, full bodied scent that only freshly brewed coffee can produce?  Now Imagine if that heady aroma were to concentrate itself entirely into a coffee cup.  It’s all right there in the cup, in your hands, without having lost any of its essence in the pot or in the air.  That’s the Toddy experience.

In addition to their Cold Brewing System, Toddy has branched out a little bit now to include an amazing line of coffee beans, teas, Frozen Drink Powder, Cold Brew Concentrates, flavored Tea Concentrates like Apricot Tea, gift sets, mugs, candles, kitchen items, coffee and tea accessories, and a lot more.

The Frozen Drink Powder is just in time for summer.  I have a feeling we’re going to have a summer to remember.  Peaceful walks around the yard, sitting on the patio reading Dean Koontz, watching dvds at night.  Oh, yeah, we have a sweet summer planned out.

Click any of the links - or the image below to learn more about the ONLY way to brew coffee at home…oh, unless you want it to taste like you brewed it at home.

I actually have three things I want to share with you today, things that I think will help you help yourself (Self Help Daily’s favorite scenario).  I’m going to put them all in one post rather than three separate ones… So here we go!

GREATER GOOGLING

My daughters kid me about being the Queen of Google.  Whenever we need to find anything out, my first response is, “I’ll Google it.”  And then I do…  I find what we need, too - as in every time.  I kick some serious search engine butt when it comes to knowing when to add a + sign along with quotation marks and knowing what search terms to use.  Spending your working hours in front of the computer screen has its benefits.

However, and this pains me somewhat to say it, I recently read a post by Jim Edwards that pointed out a few things I didn’t know.  Imagine!  The link is below and it’s a wealth of information for anyone who…. well, for anyone!  We all need information, and usually on a daily basis.  Jim’s post will show you how to make sure you get all of the information you need.

Improve Search Engine Results - 5 Easy Tips

YouTube and YOU!

Another amazing source of information is YouTube. It’s not just music videos and Dane Cook (though I highly recommend each! ).  Wordpress recently came out with a slick new  version - 2.5.  I have 13 of my own blogs and maintain 5 more, so I had a lot of updating to do (which explains why there haven’t been as many posts lately).  Problem was, I had no idea how to go about it or, really, if I even should try. 

Option #1 - I GOOGLED, of course.  There were countless forum and blog postings by experts and geniuses.  But all of the blah blah blahs were flying over my head and the yadda yadda yaddas were giving my headache a headache.  So I thought, “Hmmmm… I wonder if anyone has put up a YouTube tutorial…”  Eu-freakin-reka!  I searched “Wordpress 2.5″ and it produces over 40 results.  There are probably even more now.

If you haven’t upgraded, you should look into it - either by using the Automatic Upgrade Plugin or manually, the old school way.  Some of the blogs I upgraded worked with the Plugin, others had to be led through it step by step.  Neither process killed me, thanks to a great little plugin and to the professors of YouTube.

It made me wonder how many other “classes” were available at the University of YouTube.  I searched for random “How To’s” - some of which I already knew full well how to do (anything related to baking or gardening), others I had no clue about (how to save money on anything), and some I have no intention of ever doing (manual, sweaty stuff… Oh, and saving money on anything.  Sorry, honey.)  Below are just some of the tutorials available - and each has more than one.

• How to Knead Bread
• How to Change a Tire
• How to Save Money at the Grocery Store
• How to Grow Tomatoes
• Organic Gardening
• How to Prune Rose Bushes
• How to Plant Tulips
• How to Clean Your Gutters
• How to Change Your Oil
• How to Make a Million Dollars
• How to Make Fudge
• How to Build a Computer
• How to Build Golf Clubs
• How to Play Golf (over 3,700 results)
• How to Be a Better Husband (about 750 results)
• How to Play the Piano
• How to Play the Guitar
• How to Get into College
• How to Decorate a Cake 

Great stuff!

A REVOLUTIONARY IDEA

Last, but certainly not least:  This is for those of you who blog. My husband recently found (and purchased) some amazing blog themes - The Revolution WordPress Themes Package. He bought the package because we have so many blogs and wanted to use the theme on more than one.  However, the gorgeous themes are also available individually, since most people have only one blog.   

These themes are positively stunning.  You can customize them to the ends of the earth and back.  I’ve already redone three of my own blogs using various Revolution themes, and plan to do at least one more.  I’ve linked to mine below - I redid the colors on a few (simply to “match” the attitude of the blog) and created banners for the top.  Thankfully, the themes are so easy to customize you could change the looks as often as you want.  They’re also beautiful, as they are,  so you don’t actually have to do anything AT ALL in the way of changing the colors, etc.

I’ve used the following themes on the following blogs:

I have the Revolution Magazine Theme on my Kentucky Blog, and Music Blog.  I might use this theme on my Hollywood Yesterday blog as well.  I think the featured video will be perfect, and come on, the thumbnails are crazy cool!

I put the Tech Theme on our Gadget site, All Handhelds.  I wanted it to look like a cross between a website and a blog - kind of a website that happens to function like a blog.  A revolutionary idea that the Revolution Theme plays along with brilliantly.

I know I’ve given you a lot to chew on in this post - hindsight says screams, “You should have made this three posts, not one!”  The links open in new windows, though, so at least you can go check things out and then come back.  You know my door’s always open and the coffee’s always on.

With all due respect to my boy Kermit, it is, in fact, very easy to be green.  “Living Green” is simply a matter of choice.  If we CHOOSE to do our part to save the planet, we will CHOOSE to make positive decisions.  Every decision we make, after all, affects the world we live in for the better or for the worse.

Living green is what responsible, caring, and giving people do.  Fortunately, it doesn’t hurt and can, actually be pretty fun.  Below are some ways to add more green to your life and, in turn, add more green to our beautiful earth.

1. Reduce the number of “Packages” you buy.  When possible, buy bulk (think Sam’s Club).  This also is a sound decision financially - it’ll save you some green while you live green. 
2. Be informed.  Frequently check out websites such as Conservation International.  CI will keep you informed on the effects your lifestyle has on our environment. 
3. When we were first married, my husband was in the Air Force and money was about as tight as it could get.  I bought a book (yard sale!) about saving money/spending less.  It had a quote that jumped off the page at me and has stayed with me since.  While I’ve always used it in regards to spending/not spending, it also carries a lot of weight when it comes to living green.  Use it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do.  Or do without. I can’t for the life of me remember the name of the book (we’re talking YEARS ago!), let alone the name of the author, but the little verse is a great one.  One of the most important things we can do is to consume less. 
4. Choose products (printer paper, canvas totes for groceries, clothes) that are made of recycled material or can be reused or recycled.   Little changes add up.
5. Give your business to companies that have proven to be eco-conscious.  A few that I know of, off hand are Office Depot, McDonald’s, and Starbucks.  (I’ll add to this list as I find more.)
6. Another change I’ve personally implemented - Use glass plates, glasses and cloth napkins, even when the temptation for paper or plastic is at an all-time high.  We have a large family, so I know how tempting it is to grab plastic cups, paper towels and plates, but it’s another of those small changes that pile up, and I’d rather pile up small changes than trash our planet has to find something to do with.
7. Reduce toxicity by reusing your batteries and use batteries with reduced mercury.
8. Find fun, creative uses for old products before throwing them out.  Be sure to get every possible use from everything you have!  Old table? Dress it with a table cloth and a gorgeous plant and give it a new lease on life. 
9. Buy furniture, toys, clothes, etc that’ll hold up and stand the test of time.
10. When planting trees, flowers, herbs, and shrubs in your yard - keep in mind that all living things (from  bees and butterflies to frogs and birds) contribute to a healthy environment.  Each has a role they play and a purpose they serve.
11. Buy food that in no way harms threatened species or habitats.  Remember: Clearing forest for agriculture is one of the leading causes of global deforestation and habitat destruction. (Conservation International.org) 
12. Buy your produce as locally as possible.  Not only is it just a great idea to support your own community, when you buy locally, less fuel is used to deliver the produce.
13. Make living green a topic of conversation.  Discuss it with everyone you know.  After all, the more people who are doing their part, the more of an impact we’ll all have.
14. Find out if there are any threatened species in your community and see what you can do to help.
15. Whenever you travel - whether it’s walking at a local park or vacationing someplace a little more exotic, be sure you only TAKE photographs, only MAKE memories, and only LEAVE footprints.  Don’t even take one acorn - that’s something’s lunch!  Make sure children don’t make a mess by leaving wrappers, napkins or other culprits lying around. Things they think nothing of can be disasterous.

* The list above will grow as more information becomes available.

 Click HERE to see how Starbucks is doing their part on Earth Day!  As if I didn’t already love them enough.  Sigh.

Photo Credits:

The top picture is from Land Between the Lakes (Kentucky) and is courtesy of a guy I know, Mike.

The bottom picture is used, with permission, from a collection photographed by Petr Kratochvil.

Continuing from Part 2 of Nine Secrets Happy People Know….

#6.  Happy people know they weren’t born that way!

Happy people have something in common besides smiling faces.  They face each moment knowing they have a choice - to look at the world through a smile or through a scowl.

It wasn’t, necessarily, one magical moment in their life where they heard music and saw the happy light.  It was a long series of experiences and lessons.  The teacher of (EVERY) year, Mrs. Life, taught them a very important lesson:  Her tests are much easier to pass if you have the right attitude.  A negative, defeatist attitude, not surprisingly, leads to Failure with a capital F.

“So,” you may ask, “what do these happy people do?  Just stop themselves periodically and pull up their attitude the way a rail thin basketball player stops periodically to pull up his shorts?”

Yes.  Exactly like that.

Granted sometimes our esteemed teacher is tough.  (No one ever said she was fair.)  But she doesn’t show favoritism.  We all pretty much get our fair share of lessons and tests.  Those who handle what’s thrown on their desk with a good attitude will find the day much shorter and their nights much sweeter.

#7.  Happy people know that slinging mud only gets you dirty . Think about the happiest people you know.  They don’t waste their precious time or energy gossiping about, belittling, or running down other people.  Happy people try to find the good in other people, not the bad.   Why anyone would want find or dwell on other people’s faults is beyond me - maybe to make themselves feel better or look superior?

Too much negativity is poisonous.  Happy people know this and avoid it like a rabid rat.  I’m not saying that happy people are walking/talking human versions of Snuggle Bear.  They SEE the bad in the world, they see other people’s shortcomings and faults - and they will most definitely do what they can to help where help is needed - but they don’t dwell on the ugliness of life or people when there’s so many better things to dwell on!

Also, if we’re being perfectly honest - A LOT of people who shine spotlights on other people’s mistakes or shortcomings aren’t doing so in an effort to help them.  They want to look good by comparison.  That’s all.  The truth of the matter is, the person who seems like the most arrogant, cocky, self-assured person in the world often has the most insecurities.  The “act” is their sheild.  I always wonder why they keep spending so much energy on holding the shield in place.  The time and energy would be much better spent addressing the insecurites.

I think that brings us to another secret that happy people know…

#8.  Happy people work on improving themselves.  They find joy and happiness in challenging themselves to improve, to grow, and to grab everything they can from life.  They realize that there’s nothing quite as satisfying as setting a marker (a.k.a. goal), reaching the marker, then setting another marker…even further in the distance.  It’s called growth and happy people eat it up!

#9.  Happy people expect “down time(s) but know to ride them out, waiting for the upswing.”  When you have  a website, you realize that there will be occasional unexpected, and unpreventable down times.  Sometimes your server will be “overloaded” or there might be an “error” or some other kicky little problem.  Happens. 

Same thing with life, right?  Things will come at you from out of nowhere and leave you dazed - wondering, “Where’d that come from and how’d it get my number?!”   Happy people don’t exactly smile as they take their vehicle to the mechanic for the third time in two months….they’d look irritatingly like the dude in those erectile dysfuntion commercials.  Wasn’t his name Bob?  Nah, they don’t go for that look.  Truth be known, they’ve been known to have their own moments - but that’s all they are moments.  They move on.  Yes, happily.

Unhappy people dwell on past “you done me wrong’s” and miseries.  It’s almost as though they like the feeling!

One of my daughters was listening to a song recently (by Ashlee Simpson).  I loved a part of they lyrics that said, “Get up.  Shake it off.”   Anyone who wants to be truly happy MUST realize that this is exactly what you have to do. 

If…

• Someone has hurt your feelings….
• Someone didn’t take your advice…
• Life dealt you a hateful blow…
• You messed up big time…
• You’re dealing with bitterness, anger, or pain..

….or anything that has left you feeling out of sorts, there’s only one way to chase the blues away and remember what happiness feels like:  Get up.  Shake it off.  Move on. 

Happy people know that life has the power to get you down - but it doesn’t have the power to keep you there. 

As I often say, one of the perkiest perks of being a web publisher is the luxury of having wonderful books sent to you.  For a book maniac like me, it’s nearly as good as cash (although I have to confess, the ones who’ve sent a Starbucks gift card along with the book have earned a friend for life).

A book I finished reading last night was Unlocking the Healing Code: Discover the 7 Keys to Unlimited Healing Power by Dr. Bruce Forciea.  Beyond fascinating!

The headline on the back cover gives the best, although briefest, synopsis possible:  A Revolutionary New Approach to Healing.  The author, Dr. Bruce Forciea, holds a doctorate in Chiropractic and is a college professor or anatomy and physiology. He also has an appropriately titled web site, Informational Healing.  He’s sitting on a wealth of information!

One of my favorite subjects of Unlocking the Healing Code: Discover the 7 Keys to Unlimited Healing Power involves the FASCINATING technique known as imagery.  Imagery is one of the most amazing relaxation techniques I’ve ever known.  It allows your body and mind to work together to overcome any tension that’s trying to get the upper hand.  IMAGINE that!

Imagery, as well as other relaxation techniques found throughout the book could go a very long way in reducing stress.  I love the thought of what the author refers to as taking periodical body scans throughout the day.  When you find where tension is holding court, the book’s techniques can help your body say, “Court dismissed!”

Given the fact that stress can, and does, lead to endless diseases and ailments, reducing it in our lives could do more than jus make us feel better.

It could very well add years to our life and life to our years.

Yeah, I went there.

Another wonderful section of the book is the information the author shareds about a health scare he had with his heart.  He details his different healing methods and it’s fascinating every step of the way.  If the thought of discovering 7 keys to unlimited healing power sounds like something you would be interested in, click one of the links within this post (or the image at the top). 

Also, be sure to visit the author’s website:  Informational Healing.com

Continuing from Part 2 of Nine Secrets Happy People Know….

   #4.  Happy people know the difference between being a sponge and a dinner napkin.   When people close to us are having problems, it’s only natural for them to tell us about them.  Truth be told, we normally pull it out of them, hoping that we can, in some way, help.  It’s only natural, also, to feel what others are feeling and to care with every fiber in our being.  The closer we are to them, the more we’ll fell their pain.

However, a secret that “Happy People” have in their r’epertoire is the realization that you can’t “sponge up” other people’s pains, troubles, and disappointments without becoming ”misery logged” yourself.  

Don’t get me wrong, I have a lifetime membership, paid in full, with the Save The World club - and I would do anything in my power to help anyone, whether I know them or not.  I’m not saying AT ALL, “Look the other way…”  No no no - never look the other way.  All I’m saying is this, if we aren’t careful, we will sponge up the miseries of other people and make them our own miseries. 

Let me see if I can try to clear up what I’m saying. If we can help another person in any way, we should do so.  Whether they need physical help, emotional support, or even just lunch money (never underestimate lunch money!).  If they need a shoulder to lean on, we should offer two.  The secret is to not “sponge” up their problems.  Doing so doesn’t help them OR us.  In fact, it weakens us to the point where we’ll be the one looking for a sholder to cry on rather than having strong shoulders to catch the tears of others.

Parents run into this time and time again.  It doesn’t matter if you have one, three, or ten children and it doesn’t matter what age they are.  Again, it pays to keep in mind that we have to stay strong - for those we love as well as for ourselves.  And in order to stay mentally strong, we have to learn what things we have control over and what things we have NO control over whatsoever.

If you (like me) tend to emphasize with others as well as sympathize with them, try to catch yourself before you “sponge up” unhappiness that doesn’t have your name on it.

  #5.  Happy People Know that if Something Isn’t Working, You Have to Get to the Root of the Problem.  Sometimes we find ourselves kind of ”out of sorts” or we think, “I just don’t feel like myself…”  Maybe we feel sadder than normal or we find ourselves getting angrier more than usual - things that cause us to wonder who has taken over our personality!

Usually [ Read:  More times than not ] there’s a very good, very logical, and very easily solved reason for it.  When this sort of thing happens, “happy people” know to take a quick inventory:

• Am I getting enough sleep?  If we miss out on our required number of hours, we’ll feel edgier, more emotional, and we’ll be less likely to cope with anything life throws us.  A few good nights sleep will make a world of difference.
• Have I taken on too much?  When we bite off more than we can realistically chew, we get tense and irritable.  Letting a few things go and remembering to relax more and just enjoy life will put a smile back on your face in no time.
• Have I changed my diet in any way?  Cutting out too many calories can cause a person to become, understandably, irritable. 
• Have I started to eat (or drink) anything different?  Food allergies can greatly affect the way you feel - not just physically, but emotionally as well.
• Have I started taking any herbal supplements or new medications?  This one has tripped me up once in the form of an herb.  Granted, I’m the most susceptible person in the world to side effects (when I start a new medicine, I don’t ask, “What are the side effects?” - I say, “What do I have to look forward to?”).  About 8 years ago, I took an herb that had a reputation for helping people with thyroid problems - after a few months, I started wondering why I felt so peculiar about everything.  Nothing quite suited me - and my normal temperment is IT’S ALL GOOD.  I kept reading how there were no side effects for this particular herb, but I finally decided to stop taking it, anyway.  I was back to myself almost immediately.     

Also, watch out for herbs in certain drinks - such as teas or energy drinks.  Things affect people differently, so always take a quick little inventory so you can rule out any potential culprits.

Some people also feel differently, emotionally, if they’re having more caffeine than usual.  Personally, I think I’d be a grouch if I didn’t get enough!  Fortunately, we’ll never know.

Continued from Nine Secrets Happy People Know - Part 1

It’s Wednesday, and everybody knows you can’t get too flashy on Wednesday - so let’s just pick up where we left off…

  4.  Happy People Know You Can’t Let Other People’s Lives Direct Your Own.  A director pretty much dictates how a play is going to happen.  He or she tells people where to stand, when to walk, how to feel, etc.  The director will tell the other people involved in the play when they’re “getting it right” as well as when they’re “getting it all wrong!“   They call the shots.

An actor or member of the crew expects it and doesn’t question the director’s right to pull power trips - after all, it’s what they’re there for.  It’s all part of the system.

However, this sort of thing most definitely isn’t part of the system when you aren’t on a stage or in front of a camera.  Each individual IS their own director in life.  No one else gets to tell us how we should feel or how we should react.  People are happiest when they are allowed to be their own person, not who someone else expects them to be. 

Happy people, at some point in their life came to terms with who they are.  What’s more, they made up their mind to be that person no matter who was around and irregardless of what others would think.

The individual who thinks they have to be a chameleon and change how they act, talk, or even think, depending upon who they’re around, is not a happy person.  If they were happy and content, they’d “wear” themself all the time and never “take” themself off.

If you ever find yourself altering who you are as a person around certain people, catch yourself, then ask the following question, “Why am I afraid to be me around_____?”   If it’s a fear of ridicule, the next question could very well be,  “Why AM I around this person in the first place?!“ 

When I was in high school, I recall that it was a very “in” think for girls to act ditzy and dumb.  I’d watch in amazement as some of my friends would go from talking over assignments (from Shakespeare to Spanish) with one another to blanking out when a boy joined the group.  Some boys would laugh and, I suppose, think the dumb act was cute.  Others would look almost frightened and take off in search of higher intelligence.

I’m not going to lie, I fell into the trap a few times while trying to find myself.  Sometimes it would depend on the boy, I guess. 

When I first started going out with my husband, I was pretty nervous at first.  I liked him more than anyone I’d ever met and hoped with every ounce of my being that we’d hit it off.  I could tell he was really smart right off the bat.  I remember my mind running around in circles thinking, “If he’s smart, would he prefer an airhead or would he like the fact that I have a brain?“  My mind was busy mulling over the ins and outs of that subject for the first 30 minutes of the first date!  Then, I noticed something kind of unique.  He kept asking questions - kind of like little “tests.”  Looking back, I realize that he was testing the depths of the water!

Since I actually liked who I was and felt proud of any knowledge that I had, I went with being myself.  So when this kid with the prettiest blue eyes I’d ever seen brought up the subject of mental telepathy, I jumped right in.  When he fired random questions about random subjects, I fired the answers back - whether it was about the lead singer of Van Halen or what I’d do with telepathic powers, if I knew it…..I said it. 

We’ve been happily married for well over 20 years now and one of the things that has kept the marriage the happiest is that we allow one another to be themself.  There’s a total and complete freedom and relaxation in knowing that you can just be you. 

People who have to try to “measure up,”  “fit in,”  or “tow the line” don’t have time to be happy - they’re too busy trying to measure, fit, and tow.  If you have anyone in your life who has this effect on you, do yourself a huge favor and set things right.  If you suspect that you AFFECT someone else in this way, do everyone a favor and set things right.

We should always accept people as they are - whether it’s ourself or someone else. 

Be happy.  Be yourself.

You know the old joke about the weather, right?  Everyone talks about it but no one ever does anything about it.  In the area of Self Help, our “weather” is definitely happiness.  Everyone has it on their mind, and it comes up frequently in conversation.  People want to talk about it, and they most definitely want to possess it, but when it comes to doing anything about it….. they kind of fade into the background.  The reason might be that they don’t know HOW to just be happy.

I lean toward the belief that, as Abraham Lincoln said, “People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”  (That, of course, doesn’t include people who find themselves in the middle of grief, or a physical or mental illness.) 

For most of us, however, I think that if you’re a happy person today - you’ll be a happy person tomorrow.   If it takes a perfect balancing of planets, harmony in all relationships, and butterlies outside of your window to MAKE you happy, the happiness isn’t coming from within - it’s coming from without.  That’s not a good thing, of course, because that’s forever changing.

Think about the people in your world.  Some are happier than others, right? Some are so happy, being around them is about like watching an episode of Andy Griffith!  Even when circumstances are foul, they’re generally light-spirited and smiling - maybe even joking around.  The good news is that they weren’t born that way, so what happy people “have” is available for everyone.  Basically, there are nine secrets that happy people have sewn into the fabric of their lives, probably without even realizing that they’ve done so.  Three are below, the other six will be hot on their heels.

1. Happy people know, understand, and even embrace the fact that life isn’t perfect.  They stopped expecting their days to sail by without any turbulance long ago.  They’ve simply adapted their thinking and reactions to “ride” the waves rather than fighting against them.   By contrast, unhappy people think that every turbulance, every bump, every misstep is a catastrophic event.  It “wouldn’t” happen to other people - only to them.  They think God has allowed this injustice and they, quite frankly, resent it very much.  Even little events can snap the smile off of an unhappy person’s day - their balloon will burst just as easily over a slow internet connection as it would a flat tire.  When bad things happen (which they tend to do), someone who is generally happy simply deals with it.  No panic, no melt downs, no throwing blame around or raising their voice.  Oh the drama!  Granted, the smile will disappear as they get down to business, but it’ll return right after they’ve put everything back together again.  Happy people know they can’t control life, but they CAN control the way they respond to life.
2. Happy people don’t live in the past.  Some people feel unhappy simply because they won’t leave the past in the past.  Happy people know that, for better or worse, the past is gone - living there, or even visiting too frequently, is a waste of time and energy. Some things have to be LET GO.  You have to tell yourself - out loud even - “I’m letting this go before it proves to be my undoing.“  Happy people live in the present and realize that it can be a beautiful place if you accept it for what it is. 
3. Although it may seem unusual, happy people are the best fighters in the world.  If you think of the happiest person you know, the word “fighter” may not come to mind.  After all, don’t we picture fighters as angry, determined, even mean?  In the boxing ring, sure - but think about outside the ring.  If someone is hit hard by one of life’s punches, and they refuse to go (or stay) down, how’d they find their feet?  They fought for them, and they fought hard. The harder the punch, the harder to stand back up…but oh so worth the fight.  Unhappy people are very weak.  Usually they gave up long ago and got somewhat comfortable on the mat.  

What some people don’t realize is that happy people feel the same pains the rest of the world does.  If a happy person loses their dream home, for example, they most definitely register the pain.  They cry the tears.  They feel the loss.  But they don’t let the situation win.  They stand back up, dry their eyes, and look ahead to the great things that lie in the future.  An unhappy person would use an experience like this as a crutch - a crutch that will only lead them to one of two places:  Anger or Bitterness.  Neither place is worth visiting, let alone moving into!

If you’re a “happy person,” give a big sigh of relief because you’ve learned one of the most important lessons in life.  If you’re an “unhappy person,” give a big sigh of relief because you don’t have to stay that way. 

Unless you want to.