May 2008

If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase. - Epictetus

When angry, the wisest thing to do is to go off by yourself until the storm passes. It’s NEVER the easiest thing to do, but it’s ALWAYS the smartest.

Think of Anger as a trunk full of regret and remorse waiting to be opened. If you open it in front of others, they’ll see you at your worst and the trunk’s ugly contents will spew out so fast and so furiously that you won’t be able to corral them. The damage will be done and, once done, it can never be undone.

On the other hand (you know, the more mature and sensible hand), if you go off, cool off, and open the trunk when you’re the only one around, you’ll be able to sort through its contents and see what needs to be said and what needs to be left unsaid.

By doing so, you can find a way to handle what made you angry in the first place. Another benefit from opening the trunk in private is that others will see you at your best rather than your worst. We all want other people to take us seriously and we want their respect whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Hot heads, sarcastic Sams, and screamers don’t get other people’s respect. They get their ridicule, their wrath, and their avoidance. Need yet another benefit? How about this: You won’t create an ugly pile of regrets in the corner of your psyche. Clean corners in one’s psyche are all kinds of cool.

One more thing - when you get your trunk off in private and you’re pilfering through its contents, very often you’ll find that nothing is there of any substance. One of two things will occur to you:

1. There really isn’t even a good reason to be angry!  Whew, what a relief, you can go back to being happy again.  Take your good mood back around humanity and let them enjoy it.
2. What you THOUGHT was making you angry isn’t even at the source of your bad mood.  Your son’s messy room isn’t even in the trunk - instead you find an unresolved problem from work.  Cause for another sigh of relief… you didn’t take it out on junior.

***The approach above works just as well for a Sack of Sadness as it does a Trunk of Temper.  The key is to get to the root of the emotion, yourself.  We should confront and deal with our emotions in as much privacy as possible.  I’m all for asking for help from loved ones when it’s called for, and sometimes a good old-fashioned confrontation is is order.  But we’ll have a much better chance of holding our ground if that ground isn’t shaking.

Ray Charles Art Print
Gorsky, Vladimir
Buy at AllPosters.com

(About his addiction to heroin) I did it to myself. It wasn’t society…it wasn’t a pusher, it wasn’t being blind or being black or being poor. It was all my doing. - Ray Charles

I have a love/hate relationship with the quote above.  I hate it with a distinct passion because it reminds me that one of the greatest talents our world has ever known struggled with a drug addiction.  That makes me overwhelmingly sad because I know it must have caused him and those around him so much pain and heartache.  When we’re a fan of someone, we want to think that their life was one long picnic - sadly for Ray Charles, it rained.

What I love about this quote - and, again with a distinct passion - is the fact that he doesn’t point fingers outwardly, whatsoever.  He points all ten of the talented wonders toward himself.   Would it have been a very, very, very difficult time to have lived as a black man when Ray did?  We know the answer to that, don’t we?  Can you even imagine the things he must have experienced?  Now, add to this the fact that he had a great deal of trauma as a child.  Things that happen to us in our childhood stay with us forever.  If we’re lucky, we find a way to make the memories aggreeable houseguests.   If we’re unlucky, they become ghosts that haunt our lives.  From everything I’ve read, I believe that Ray Charles’ house was haunted.

So, we have a man who has had unspeakable trauma, great losses, and has to live and work amongst a society that is still, for the most part, unbelievably intolerant and unkind to those who wear a different skin color.  Oh. Right.  He had to face all of this without his eyesight - in complete and utter darkness.

Did he have a hard life?  Without a doubt.  Did people take advantage of him?  Absolutely.  Was it fair that he had to lose his sight.  Not even close.  Yet, he didn’t place the blame for his addiction anywhere but on himself. 

The scapegoats were all lined up, but he sent them home.

 What if everyone took responsiblity for their actions - the bad ones as well as the good?  What if everyone stopped corralling scapegoats and began setting them free instead? I honestly believe if we all took more responsibility for what we do and for what we fail to do, we’d find ourselves in a better position to grow and improve.   I also honestly believe that that’s probably not going to happen.  Blaming circumstances and other people is just too easy.

Just something to think about.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, Memorial Day weekend is one of the most dangerous times on our roads. One of the reasons is “drowsy” drivers. Some people are more susceptible than others to nodding off behind the wheel. Personally, my own driving concerns me too much to drift off. By “concerns,” of course, I mean my driving scares the spit out of my mouth.

“Too many Americans are too tired to drive. In fact, according to NSF’s recently released 2008 Sleep in America poll, an alarming 36 percent of respondents admit to actually nodding off or falling asleep while driving,” David M. Cloud, NSF’s chief executive officer, said in a prepared statement.

“Hectic weekend getaways may add to the problem as many get on the road at ungodly hours to beat traffic. Not getting enough sleep puts everyone at increased risk for fall-asleep crashes. Understanding crucial warning signs and countermeasures is key to preventing sleep-related crashes,” he added.

If you ever experience any of the following, be sure to pull off of the road asap:

• Heavy eyelids
• You find yourself swerving out of your lane
• You lose touch with your surroundings
• You’re frequently yawning
• Your head keeps nodding forward or falling backward

Never take any risks.  Ever!  If you won’t be extra cautious for yourself, think of your passengers or other drivers’ safety.  

The following are some suggestions that’ll help keep you safe:

• Always get a really good night’s sleep the night before a trip.  Don’t stay up late, packing, or finishing up preparations.  Do that earlier in the day and aim for at least 7 hours of quality sleep - more if you can get it.
• Give yourself plenty of time.  This way, you can stop frequently during the trip to stretch your legs and get your blood circulating. 
• Make frequent stops.  Stop at least every two hours - the movement will do you a world of good.
• Don’t take any medications that’ll cause drowsiness.  Benadryl and other allergy medications knock most people flat on their backs.  If you aren’t sure how a medication will affect you, try not to take it until after the trip.
• C-O-F-F-E-E!  Caffeine makes a perfect  co-pilot for all of us, but for those who fall asleep easily at the wheel, it might just be the perk they need.  A word of caution, however, if you aren’t used to high levels of caffeine (the mind boggles), drinking a great deal might give you the jitters.  A jittery driver’s just a little bit better than a woozy one!  Bottom line:  Don’t go ape.  Two cups of coffee should keep you alert for about two hours.
• If you can avoid it, don’t travel alone.
• Turn the radio on, turn the radio up, and sing out loud.  Louder!

If you’ve taken the precautions but STILL start to feel sloppy-eyed and drowsy, don’t be a hero.  Pull off the road and, if you have to, take a nap.  Even 15 to 30 minutes can help you feel better and fresher.  Just be sure you’re in a safe place.  And lock the doors!  Great, now I’m mothering you.  Next thing you know I’ll be asking if you’re eating enough vegetables lately.

Well, are you?

My aunt sent me this in an e-mail and, of course, I had to pass it along. There’s some great advice here, guys. The cool thing is, the title could just as easily read, “How to Have Less Stress in Your Life,” “How to Enjoy Life More,” “How to Make People Want to Be Around You,” etc.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Try everything twice. On Madams tombstone (of Whelan’s and Madam) she
said she wanted this epitaph: Tried everything twice… loved it both times!

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those
grouches)

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him/her.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love. Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

11. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.

These 11 admonishings should be written down and lived out!

I was working on a post for my Recipe and Food Blog when I ran head first into a very inspirational fish.  Not the kind you cook or the kind you eat (although Cracker Barrel’s fried catfish sounds pretty amazing right about now).  This fish was on a page of Country Bob’s Website - the Meet our CEO page.

Actually, it isn’t the fish, itself, that’s inspirational.  It’s the story behind the fish.  I’ll quote the beautiful words on the site because I certainly couldn’t do any better:

Icthus - pronounced ‘ik-thuse’ - is from the Greek for fish. During the Roman Empire, it was prohibited to talk about Jesus without being put to death. The Christians began the practice of drawing the fish symbol in the sand as a way of safely identifying one to another. The word ‘icthus’ is an anagram, with each letter denoting ‘Jesus Christ, God”s Son, Savior.’

The beautiful story, as well as the rest of the words on this special “About” page really touched my heart.  We completely take our freedom of speech for granted.  We’re totally free to say what’s on our minds and in our hearts, yet we hesitate and often hold back.  What will he think….what will she think?  Most people - at leat the ones worth caring about - respect people who give their opinions openly. 

The ones who’d get mad and write you off for feeling a certain way aren’t worth worrying about.  Who would want such a closeminded person around anyway?!  The closeminded crowd are a lot of things but fun, uplifting, encouraging, inspiring are nowhere to be found in their bio.

I guess this post is simply to encourage everyone to be themselves.  Be who you are, not an imitation of somebody else.  If you believe, with all your heart, in something or someone, don’t whisper about it - shout it out loud.

Never let anyone make you feel like you can’t be you.  Take your stand and don’t ever give an inch to or for anyone.  If you’re a proud tree hugger, hug away.  If you want to save every animal on the planet, build your proverbial ark (I’ll see you in the supplies aisle!).  If you’re a Christian, never be shy about saying so!  In that vein, I’ve placed an Icthus graphic in the sidebar.  I’d love to see fellow believers draw their fish in the sand  by downloading the image and placing it on their own blog and website.

Whether it’s your belief in God, your political beliefs, your thoughts about conservation, your views on the economy, your stance on parenting, or even your favorite American Idol ( ahem, mine won last night ), own who you are and what you believe in.

Always stand up for your beliefs and never be afraid to let anyone see you standing.  If you stand, but quickly sit down the minute someone looks your way, you’d have been better off staying in bed…. with the covers of cowardice over your head.

Whatever you vividly imagine, ardently desire, sincerely believe, and enthusiastically act upon… must inevitably come to pass! -Paul J. Meyer

Save Polar Bear Tote Bag

Warning: She’s stepping up on her soap box and she has painted it green.

Not surprisingly, the Bush administration recently added the polar bear to the “threatened” species list, agreeing with conservationalists that the bear’s Arctic habitat is melting because of global warming.

Global Warming, “living green,” Conservation, Animal Protection, Saving the Planet, and even the proverbial phrase tree hugging shouldn’t be thought of as just political issues. They’re far deeper than that - they’re human issues, they hit all of us where we live.

As with everything in life, when it comes to issues such as these, we are either part of the solution or we’re part of the problem. It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal issue such as weight, procrastination, temper, hypertension, etc. or a global issue such. We always have a choice: We can either stand up and do what we can to make the situation better or we can sit down and hope it takes care of itself.

When we stand up, we’ve chosen to become part of the solution. When we sit down, we’ve chosen to become part of the problem.

While it’s a sobering thought, one day, our children will have children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  I desperately want these children to grow up in the beautifully green and blue world that I’ve always loved so much. I want them to see, firsthand, how amazing all of God’s animals are. I don’t want them to have to just read about Polar Bears, Bison, Whales, Sea Turtles, Bats, Sea Otters, Dolphins, Elephants, Snowy Owls, Woodpeckers, etc. 

Sometimes we all tend to live in our own personal little space.  I think it’s time for us to throw open our doors and windows and see what we can do to make the world a better place for us as well as future generations. 

• We should make places on our blogs and/or websites for buttons and links to support the Red Cross, the WWF,  WorldVision - to name just a few. 
• We should donate money to these causes and encourage others to do the same.
• We should support agencies seeking cures and better lives for victims of cancer, autism, alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, diabetes, etc. 
• We should let our political leaders know how we feel.
• We should educate ourselves and always know what’s going on in the world around us.  Being an ostrich with its head in the sand doesn’t accomplish anything.

We know what we should do, now it’s time to see what we will do. 

If not us - who? 

Also Read:
U.S. adds polar bear to threatened list
Senate poised to take up sweeping global warming bill

Unlike my aunt (that’s not her to the left, btw), who doesn’t miss a single serve, I don’t really follow the sport of tennis much anymore.  The “characters” are pretty much gone, so I have to admit I lost interest.  Something caught my eye in a newspaper this week, though.   I saw a picture of a very young girl, a professional tennis player, and beneath the picture was the word Retired.  At 25.  According to the story, she’d lost her passion for the sport.

We’ve all been there, right?  Irregardless of our career path or walk in life - sometimes the next step seems more monumental than all the ones before.  Other times, the steps ahead seem blase’, unimportant, and fail to inspire us any more than Jack Black in a Speedo.

I’ve been there before.  Because, irregardless of what some people may think, just because you work from home doesn’t mean it isn’t work.  When web publishers, writers, graphic artists, web designers, etc. sit and work for hours each day - it’s not exactly free time!   Yes, working from home has huge, beautiful benefits - but the lack of respect and the jokes about “getting a job” are enough to make a person want to eat pencils.

That’s why I don’t keep pencils on my desk.

Oh, and my, my, my…  A word about full-time mothers.  You want to talk about WORK?!?!  If anyone assumes that a full time mother doesn’t work - I’d invite them to do what she does.  If they survived a full day, they’d give her flowers the next day and well-deserved respect every day thereafter. 

Irregardless of where you work or what you do, there will be times when your motivation and, even, inspiration, fail you.  Fortunately you don’t have to stay in the Lost Zone.  

There have been days when I’ll open a blog editor or pick up a pen and paper to write an article and…. and, nothing.  I’ll just stare at the white space until I get swimmy eyed, then I close whatever it is I have open along with my mind.  Sometimes “it” just isn’t there and for the life of me I don’t know where “it” went.

Lost Zone, incidentally, is a name I came up with for this feeling while I was in high school.  I loved Literature, English, Composition, Biology,  Spanish, and History.  (I don’t have any kind words for Math and it doesn’t have any for me.)  Still, there would be times when I just didn’t care if I finished the Shakespeare play I was reading at the time or if I ever saw another art thou again.

My mom and my Bassett Hound would always tell me to leave the books for a while and do something else.  Mom would suggest cleaning my room, “Honey” would suggest a walk. We walked a lot.

When you feel like you’re in the Lost Zone, you need a new perspective.  Fortunately, one can be found just around the corner.  Below are a few of their favorite hiding places:

• New Perspectives love to hide near water.  Lakes, Oceans, Rivers - you can almost always find one simply by looking out over a beautiful body of water. 
• Parks.  Whether it’s a State Park or a City Park, these are some of the most ALIVE places on earth.  One of the great things about them is the way they conjur up amazing memories from yesterday.  Trips to the park when we were children, times we took our little ones to the park, etc.  It was even in a park, by a lake, sitting at a picnic table that my husband asked me to marry him.  Is it any wonder water and parks are numbers one and two?!
• Don’t look now, but a new perspective might just be in your own yard!  Grilling out, planting flowers, feeding birds (and squirrels, raccoons, possums…), soaking up a few rays, spying on the neighbors, petting your cat or dog, throwing a frisbee - they’re all perfect ways to just get away from it all and find a new perspective.
• Taking a ride through the country - or across the country - can do wonders to clear your head.  Some people (moi included) like to turn the radio up, sing along, and even, when the move hits, do a little seat dancing.  Others like to just roll the windows down, turn the radio off and listen to the world as it passes by.  That’s cool, too.
• Watching a movie is also a great escape.  Whether it’s on your sofa or your nearest movie theater, this one’s a great way to get away.  (Btw, if you haven’t seen Iron Man yet, you really should - I’ve seen it twice and that’s something I never do.  What’s even more telling is I’d go a third time!  Yeah, he can fly. And, yeah, I loved it.)
• The zoo!  Another one of my favorite places on the entire earth is the zoo.  Even though I always make my husband spend a fortune in the gift shop.  (This polar bear figurine, that lion coffee mug, those stuffed bears…)  Watching amazing, beautiful, and always entertaining animals takes you away from anything and everything troubling, unsettling, or even mildly annoying.  Who could fret over writer’s block when a monkey is clowning at one turn and a polar bear is taking a dive at the next?

A Fresh Perspective will do a world of good when you need a break.  

The ones above are just a few of my favorites - your own fresh perspective may be hiding on a golf course, in a fishing boat, in a bowling alley, etc.  It may be at a baseball, basketball, or football game.  Sporting events are great places to get away from it all and just have fun.  If you need and want a fresh perspective, it’s there waiting for you.

Make it a point to find at least one this weekend.  Monday will thank you for it! 

According to Everyday Health.com, taking an aspirin at bedtime can help control hypertension.   Dr. Ramon C. Hermida reported Wednesday at the American Society of Hypertension annual meeting, in New Orleans, that his study proves that aspirin can help people who suffer from prehypertension, but only if the aspirin is taken at bedtime.

Prehypertension is defined as blood pressure just below the 140/90 level. Prehypertension is a known to be a warning sign of future risk of heart disease, stroke and other cardiovascular problems.

Research was done on 244 individuals with prehypertension over the course of three months.

A third of the group were put on a special diet designed to reduce blood pressure, another third were told to take a 100-milligram aspirin tablet every night at bedtime, and the final third were told to take the same aspirin dose when they awoke in the morning.

Their blood pressure levels were monitored closely and the following results were found: Systolic blood pressure (the first number in a blood pressure reading) dropped 5.4 points and diastolic (the second number) pressure by 3.4 points for those taking aspirin before bedtime. No drop in blood pressure was found in those taking morning aspirin or following the general guidelines.

Dr. Hermida admitted that they aren’t sure why aspirin’s benefits for prehypertension only show up when taken at bedtime.
 

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.  - Henry Ford

Men and women who we we would quickly describe as ”great” and “heroic” didn’t earn those reputations while smoothly sailing through life.  My own heroes and heroines (Jesus, John the Baptist, Harriet Tubman, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr., Helen Keller, Mother Teresa) certainly were unfamiliar with the calm seas of life. 

In fact, as they rode out the roughest seas imaginable, each would probably ask, “Calm seas? What’s a calm sea?”

Granted, when life’s tossing us to and fro, it’s hard to pause and appreciate the moment.  Yet, in reality, we very well could do just that.  Life’s trying moments and trials develop character and an inner strength that would, otherwise, be non-existent.  They keep us from becoming people who aren’t even worth knowing, let alone being.

If you feel as though you have not only your own share of trouble, but enough for three or four people - take comfort in this:  You have the opportunity to help yourself to more strength than most people will ever know.  If, that is, you take your rightful position.

What’s the rightful position?  Being on top of the trials rather than under them.  When we allow them to dictate our moods, how we spend our time, our outlook, our faith, and our relationships - we’re under their control.  They’re on top and they’re scarcely allowing us enough air to breath!

But if we take the upper hand and refuse to let them get us down, monopolize our time, shake our faith, or cause us to become bitter - we’re in control and can remain on top.  Since the view’s much better from that vantage point, it’s easily the option we should aim for.

The people who show up on lists of heroes and heroines had this view of the world and we’d do well to share it.