A Real Life Lesson from A Reel Life Family

One of the things I enjoy most about seeing movies with my family is the opportunities they open up for conversation.  Juno certainly provides its share of conversation starters and thought sparks.   My daughters and I mulled over a few of them after seeing this adorable movie.  

I’ve said it, like a gazillion times, but there are lessons to be learned everywhere you go and everywhere you look.  You just have to have your eyes, mind, and ears open.  For most people, it’s the second one that trips them up.  They cross out mind and replace it with mouth.  Unfortunately, a closed mind and an open mouth will never learn anything.  People like that just don’t realize that if they’d close the right one and open the other, they’d open more than their mind - they’d open up a whole new world.

I just wandered off my path and out into the wilderness, didn’t I?  My bad.

In the movie, Juno learns that she (at 16) is pregnant.  Even worse, she has to break the news to her dad and step-mom.  Each character is forced to face and deal with something they never wanted to face and, most definitely, never wished to deal with.  But they went about it in a way that I think we could all learn from.

None of the characters gave high fives or chest bumps in honor of the occasion, of course.  Each, in their own way, made their displeasure known.  However, they also didn’t harp on the past. They realized that what has been done has been done - you can’t very well go back and undo it.  You have to keep your mind and heart in the moment and take care of what (and who) needs you there.  Not only is it the mature approach, it’s the only one that’ll be of any service to anyone.   

Faced with similar news, most parents, in real life, would scream, “What were you thinking?!?!” at their daughter.  They’d beat her over the head with how disappointed they are in her, how she let them down, ruined her life, and destroyed their world all in one fell swoop.  None of which, of course, helps anyone.

Basically, I think most parents would spend far too much time in the past (when it happened) than they would in the present or the future - both places where their child needs them more than ever.

In a way, we’re probably all guilty of that sort of approach, irregardless of the news or situation.  We get far too hung up on what has already happened:  Delving out blame, guilt trips, “why me’s” pity parties, etc.  None of which any of us wear very well.  The past is the past is the past is the past.  If it has happened, it’s too late to address it! 

It might not be very pleasant to think about (as a mother of 3 girls - believe me, I know!), but ask yourself, “If I were in the position the parents in the movie were in, what would my reaction be?”  Would you…

• Hug your child and hold her close - telling her that everything will be okay? Would you remind her that part of being human is making human mistakes - and that, yes she made one, but that it didn’t cost her your love or, even, your respect.
• Scream until you’re both crying?  Would you keep shining the spotlight on what caused the situation - as though she didn’t realize it?
• Crumble into a heap of “Where did I go wrong?”s, making certain that your daughter knows you’re 100 percent disappointed in her.

The problem is, most would go the route of #2 or #3.  Given anywhere between a couple of hours and a couple of days, they’d make their way up to #1.  But, by then, a lack of maturity and self-control has already said and done a world of harm.

I’m, by nature, a very humble person.  There are very few things that I get anywhere near arrogant about.  Cooking, yes - I’m a cocky cook…a very cocky cook, in fact!  But I do believe myself to be a very good mother.  I’m extremely proud of my girls and can think of only a few things I would have ever done differently.  I would, without a doubt, hug my girl and let her know she was still my girl and always would be.  I would bite my tongue until it bled before I ever said anything that would add to her pain.  Words can never be taken back, and they have a way of lingering in memories forever.

Yes, I consider myself a very good mother but I’m just as guilty as anyone of expecting too much from my daughters.  We parents want nothing but the best for our children - nothing but A’s on report cards, nothing but compliments from teachers and bosses, nothing but cookie cutter perfect boyfriends or girlfriends, etc.  When reality hits and a C rolls along, a child is called a “class clown,” and a mutant hellion comes to take your beautiful little girl to a movie…it’s up to us to act like the adults that we are.

Sometime today, just ask yourself if you’re the sort of husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter, boss, employee, friend (whatever!) that someone could come to with anything.  Do you keep your head in situations that don’t suit you or does it explode right off your neck? 

If you’re the sort who explodes, then returns to the scene of the melt down to pick the pieces up later, consider working on that. Save yourself and everyone else a lot of grief by skipping the bad and going straight to the good next time.  No one is ever, ever, ever too old to change.  Too stubborn?  Absolutely.  But never too old. 

Remember, when you work on yourself and your relationships - you’ll be as big a winner as anyone.  Work on becoming the FIRST person people want to come to when they need help, not the LAST one. 

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