Because Laughing Feels Good, That’s Why!

Our youngest (and chubbiest) cat, Alexa, and I were innocently plowing through my e-mail this morning.  Amongst the CNN news alerts telling me what the world’s doing wrong and my health newsletters telling me what I’m doing wrong, there was an e-mail from my aunt.  She forwarded me an e-mail sent to her that included what I like to refer to as “Real Life Idiot Moments.”  Not Real Life Idiots, because quite frankly, none of us are immune to these moments!  Maybe that’s part of the reason why they’re so funny….we laugh out of relief that it wasn’t us. 

At any rate, they’re reprinted below.  I hope they make you smile and maybe even laugh out loud like your’s truly.  After picturing the airport worker “nodding knowingly” like Barney Fife, I spewed Iced Green Tea all over Alexa.  She didn’t appreciate it any more on her outside than my daughters do when I put it on their insides.

BTW, I’ve removed the names of the places and replaced them with #####.  I wouldn’t want to imply that everyone at any certain place is capable of such DUH moments.  That’s just not cool.

Real Life Idiot Moment 1 

We had to have the garage door repaired. The ##### repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a “large” enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one ##### made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, “Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.” I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, “NO, it’s not.” Four is larger than two..” We haven’t used ##### repair since.

Real Life Idiot Moment 2

My daughter and I went through the #####’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, “you gave me too much money.” I said, “Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.” The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at #####’s.

Real Life Idiot Moment 3

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: “Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.”  From Kingman , KS 

Real Life Idiot Moment 4

My daughter went to a local ##### and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce. From Kansas City

Real Life Idiot Moment 5

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” To which I replied, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled knowingly and nodded, “That’s why we ask.” Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

Real Life Idiot Moment 6 

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger’s side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “It’s open!” “I know,” answered the young man, “I already got that side.”

I love what was written at the bottom of the e-mail:  STAY ALERT! They walk among us… and the scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and our enemies know it!!!