Helping Children

If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Happy Father’s Day to dads and grandfathers everywhere! My dad (who, incidentally, I thought hung the moon AND stars) is spending his 12th Father’s Day in Heaven. He died alarmingly young, but I’m thankful to have had him in my life as long as I did. His sense of humor and laid back approach to life were his trademarks and our world’s loss was Heaven’s gain.

Even though there’ve been 12 Father’s Days without him, it still gets to me. Today when I drove by a steakhouse, there were people pouring out of their cars with their dads. Waterworks. Time heals wounds but the scars remain.

The tears gave way to smiles though when I got home to another character that hung the moon and stars - my husband and father of our three daughters and 4 cats. No father in the world has ever out-loved their children more than Michael does our girls. Like all fathers, though, he doesn’t get the sometimes gentler role in the parenting equation.

I feel for fathers, I really do. They have to be the tough guys so often - while the mothers pat on the child’s back, smooths the hair and whispers lovey dovey mommy-isms. Sometimes it resembles a good cop/bad cop scene and fathers seldom get to be the good cop! The decisions they make, the stands they take - they’re always for their child’s best. Funny thing about children though, they generally don’t see past their own little noses.

The quote at the top of the post, at least in our own household, symbolizes a father’s mindset. Fathers often look further into the future than mothers do. I think the reason’s obvious… “mommies” don’t want to see the future. Give us the present, give us the past, but spare us the future!

It’s a good thing that fathers and mothers look at things differently and have different approaches. Two of either approaches would make the kids nutty. -er. Nuttier.

Know that the day will come when your loving strictness, your stern no’s, and, yes… even your lectures…. will be very much appreciated. Keep up the good fight - being a parent in this day and age isn’t for the faint of heart. Or stomach, for that matter.

Happy Father’s Day!

Save Polar Bear Tote Bag

Warning: She’s stepping up on her soap box and she has painted it green.

Not surprisingly, the Bush administration recently added the polar bear to the “threatened” species list, agreeing with conservationalists that the bear’s Arctic habitat is melting because of global warming.

Global Warming, “living green,” Conservation, Animal Protection, Saving the Planet, and even the proverbial phrase tree hugging shouldn’t be thought of as just political issues. They’re far deeper than that - they’re human issues, they hit all of us where we live.

As with everything in life, when it comes to issues such as these, we are either part of the solution or we’re part of the problem. It doesn’t matter if it’s a personal issue such as weight, procrastination, temper, hypertension, etc. or a global issue such. We always have a choice: We can either stand up and do what we can to make the situation better or we can sit down and hope it takes care of itself.

When we stand up, we’ve chosen to become part of the solution. When we sit down, we’ve chosen to become part of the problem.

While it’s a sobering thought, one day, our children will have children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  I desperately want these children to grow up in the beautifully green and blue world that I’ve always loved so much. I want them to see, firsthand, how amazing all of God’s animals are. I don’t want them to have to just read about Polar Bears, Bison, Whales, Sea Turtles, Bats, Sea Otters, Dolphins, Elephants, Snowy Owls, Woodpeckers, etc. 

Sometimes we all tend to live in our own personal little space.  I think it’s time for us to throw open our doors and windows and see what we can do to make the world a better place for us as well as future generations. 

• We should make places on our blogs and/or websites for buttons and links to support the Red Cross, the WWF,  WorldVision - to name just a few. 
• We should donate money to these causes and encourage others to do the same.
• We should support agencies seeking cures and better lives for victims of cancer, autism, alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, diabetes, etc. 
• We should let our political leaders know how we feel.
• We should educate ourselves and always know what’s going on in the world around us.  Being an ostrich with its head in the sand doesn’t accomplish anything.

We know what we should do, now it’s time to see what we will do. 

If not us - who? 

Also Read:
U.S. adds polar bear to threatened list
Senate poised to take up sweeping global warming bill

With all due respect to my boy Kermit, it is, in fact, very easy to be green.  “Living Green” is simply a matter of choice.  If we CHOOSE to do our part to save the planet, we will CHOOSE to make positive decisions.  Every decision we make, after all, affects the world we live in for the better or for the worse.

Living green is what responsible, caring, and giving people do.  Fortunately, it doesn’t hurt and can, actually be pretty fun.  Below are some ways to add more green to your life and, in turn, add more green to our beautiful earth.

1. Reduce the number of “Packages” you buy.  When possible, buy bulk (think Sam’s Club).  This also is a sound decision financially - it’ll save you some green while you live green. 
2. Be informed.  Frequently check out websites such as Conservation International.  CI will keep you informed on the effects your lifestyle has on our environment. 
3. When we were first married, my husband was in the Air Force and money was about as tight as it could get.  I bought a book (yard sale!) about saving money/spending less.  It had a quote that jumped off the page at me and has stayed with me since.  While I’ve always used it in regards to spending/not spending, it also carries a lot of weight when it comes to living green.  Use it up.  Wear it out.  Make it do.  Or do without. I can’t for the life of me remember the name of the book (we’re talking YEARS ago!), let alone the name of the author, but the little verse is a great one.  One of the most important things we can do is to consume less. 
4. Choose products (printer paper, canvas totes for groceries, clothes) that are made of recycled material or can be reused or recycled.   Little changes add up.
5. Give your business to companies that have proven to be eco-conscious.  A few that I know of, off hand are Office Depot, McDonald’s, and Starbucks.  (I’ll add to this list as I find more.)
6. Another change I’ve personally implemented - Use glass plates, glasses and cloth napkins, even when the temptation for paper or plastic is at an all-time high.  We have a large family, so I know how tempting it is to grab plastic cups, paper towels and plates, but it’s another of those small changes that pile up, and I’d rather pile up small changes than trash our planet has to find something to do with.
7. Reduce toxicity by reusing your batteries and use batteries with reduced mercury.
8. Find fun, creative uses for old products before throwing them out.  Be sure to get every possible use from everything you have!  Old table? Dress it with a table cloth and a gorgeous plant and give it a new lease on life. 
9. Buy furniture, toys, clothes, etc that’ll hold up and stand the test of time.
10. When planting trees, flowers, herbs, and shrubs in your yard - keep in mind that all living things (from  bees and butterflies to frogs and birds) contribute to a healthy environment.  Each has a role they play and a purpose they serve.
11. Buy food that in no way harms threatened species or habitats.  Remember: Clearing forest for agriculture is one of the leading causes of global deforestation and habitat destruction. (Conservation International.org) 
12. Buy your produce as locally as possible.  Not only is it just a great idea to support your own community, when you buy locally, less fuel is used to deliver the produce.
13. Make living green a topic of conversation.  Discuss it with everyone you know.  After all, the more people who are doing their part, the more of an impact we’ll all have.
14. Find out if there are any threatened species in your community and see what you can do to help.
15. Whenever you travel - whether it’s walking at a local park or vacationing someplace a little more exotic, be sure you only TAKE photographs, only MAKE memories, and only LEAVE footprints.  Don’t even take one acorn - that’s something’s lunch!  Make sure children don’t make a mess by leaving wrappers, napkins or other culprits lying around. Things they think nothing of can be disasterous.

* The list above will grow as more information becomes available.

 Click HERE to see how Starbucks is doing their part on Earth Day!  As if I didn’t already love them enough.  Sigh.

Photo Credits:

The top picture is from Land Between the Lakes (Kentucky) and is courtesy of a guy I know, Mike.

The bottom picture is used, with permission, from a collection photographed by Petr Kratochvil.

Okay, it’s been a while since I’ve ranted, right? Maybe, kind of sort of a while? At any rate, I’ve felt one coming on all week and I should warn you, it’s about to go down. 

My youngest daughter and I get out and about everyday.  For one thing, we walk at the mall, at least until the weather gets nice enough to return to one of our beloved trails or parks.  We also grocery shop each day, because my little mind thinks I have to have the freshest produce and meats when cooking supper.  Then there are the trips to Starbucks, bookstores, back to Starbucks, etc.

Suffice to say, we see a lot of what goes on out in public and it’s not always pretty.  Frankly, unlike my daughter, I don’t care about the fashion mistakes - but, be warned, if you’re out and about in head to toe denim, she’s looking for you.  What people do with their hair or don’t do with their hair is their business.  Blue hair? Tattoos?  Piercings?  Whatever. The way I see it, some people simply express themselves differently than others - I’d never try to clamp down on their expression any more than I’d want anyone telling me that I wear too many bracelets.  My arms are my own business and their heads are theirs.

What irks me, angers me, saddens me, and makes me wish there was a Justice League comprised of super heroes who looked after little people is parents/grandparents/guardians/whatever who act like jerks to their children.  Steph and I saw two little boys with their dad in Kroger a few nights ago. The little boys (who both looked kind of like Beaver Cleaver in the early days) were laughing and talking, like any normal kids do.  The dad turns to the taller little boy….grabs him by the hair and says, “Shut up!”  The kid yelps in pain and surprise, I’d imagine.  This, of course, just gets him in more trouble.   The words, “My God!” came spilling out of my mouth and I gave the man such a glare, he cowered toward his cart.

Our entire night was ruined after that.  Just the thought of what some kids have to live with breaks my heart.  It is never, never, never okay to lay your hands on a child (or anyone for that matter!) like that.  People wonder why so many kids are violent and angry - they learn it from their parents.  Why humiliate a child in public like that?  Why pull hair like a 7 year old?!  Why can adults not act like adults?

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better? - Jane Nelson

The very same day, we’re in the mall’s public restroom and there’s a lady with a 3 or 4 month old baby at the fold down changing table.  The baby’s crying, so the mother reaches into her purse for something - she pulls out her key chain that’s full of keys, but it falls on the floor.  She bends over, picks them up and hands them to the baby. He, of course, puts them in his mouth.  Clean keys would have been gross enough, but HELLO, they had just fallen on a public restroom’s floor!  Do some people have bat#&$! for brains?

Yesterday, again in Kroger, we see a well-dressed lady with an adorable little boy about 3 and a little girl around 7 who looks like a baby Queen Latifah (adorable!).  The little girl is telling the mother about her school day.  The mom doesn’t even listen to a thing the little girl says….she just rolls her eyes and says, “I’m trying to shop.”  The little boy tells her he has to use the restroom and the mom responds with, “If you say that again, I’m going to smack your face.”

What’s up with people any more?!  Fortunately these incidents are few and far between, but in the name of all that’s right, they shouldn’t happen at all.

Children are a blessing - a beautiful, beautiful blessing.  Sometimes, like all blessings, they may not seem that way at the time - but they’re always a blessing!  I just don’t get how anyone could ever mistreat or disrespect a child.  I don’t know what kind of a man can live with himself after he has grabbed a little boy by the hair.  I don’t know how a mom can expect her child to ever listen to her when she never listens to the child.  I don’t know how a parent can threaten to smack someone who barely comes up above her knees!

I’m posting this rant in the hopes that if any parents read this they’ll think a little bit about how they treat their children.  The instances we witnessed this week were extreme - I honestly don’t know what’s happened to everyone this week! But parents not taking the time to listen to their children is something that happens everywhere, everyday.  If it’s important enough for the child to talk about it, it should be important enough for a parent to listen to.

And hitting, threatening to hit, pulling hair?!  Pretty classy.

Maybe we should all treat our children the way we want them to one day treat us.  Whether we realize it or not, I think we pretty much do.

In 1998, on a deserted road, 21 year old Matthew Shepard was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die.  Tragically, 3 days later, that’s exactly what happened.

Was he guilty of a crime that vigilante justice insisted he atone for?  Had he cheated on or wronged someone for the last time?  Was someone settling a score?   What had this beloved son done to “deserve” to be tortured and murdered?

In a sentence?  Matthew Shepard was gay.   His young life was brutally ended for that reason alone.

I cannot even begin to imagine a more horrific or terrifying death.  The pain, the fear, the helplessness, and the suffering.   I also cannot even begin to imagine something else:  The HATE.  How can any human have so much hate inside of them that they would do this to another person?  How could anyone be so demonic and so unspeakably evil?

Unfortunately, Matthew Shepard wasn’t the first victim of a hate crime or the last.  No race, sex, denomination, or individual is safe from hate crimes.  Anyone could be targeted, actually, because we’re all different.  Christians, blacks, gays, latinos, Jews, native Americans… the list goes on and on.  History has proven that hate, when fed a continual diet of rage and intolerance will lead to unspeakable crimes.

Some people think nothing can be done about it, so why even try.   Fortunately, at least as many people know that love is greater than hate and that to not try is somewhat like contributing to the hate.

Just a few thoughts:

1. Examine your own heart.  Do you harbor hatred toward any group of people?  If so, ask yourself how comfortable you are being filled with something as ugly and poisonous as hatred.
2. Listen to your children.  Do they continually make fun of or condemn a certain type of person?  Ask yourself how comfortable you are with your children being full of such hatred.  One of the saddest things in the world is when parents raise their children to hate just as they hate.  WHY WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO HATE INSTEAD OF LOVE?
3. Realize that we are all different.  It may be a shock to one’s system, but we are all hated by someone.  Whether it’s for our race, our religion, or our sex - we are all the object of someone else’s hatred and intolerance. 

After you take a good look inward, make the necessary changes outward.  Hate destroys all of those it touches - those who harbor it every bit as much as those they harbor it towards.

Granted, we all have different views and different beliefs.  There’s nothing wrong with that. If one person is a Democrat and the other’s a Republican - neither has done anything wrong.  But when one develops hatred for the other and becomes so intolerant that they treat the other as though they’re diseased, they fail to realize that the one who is diseased is actually themself. 

Hatred is a disease.  Love is the cure.  Even if someone does something you don’t agree with or understand, you should love them.  Hating will destroy you long before it does them.

Matthew Shepard’s family has set up a remarkable foundation in their beloved son’s name.  It’s too late to save Matthew, of course, but the hope is that it isn’t too late to save other sons and daughters, mothers and fathers…..  Their message is a simple yet powerful one:  Erase Hate.  There are pendants and tees that shout the message out loud and proud.

The more of us who wear and live this message, the better.  When the haters of the world see how completely outnumbered they are, perhaps they’ll retreat to a corner and figure out how to get a life.  Maybe then, when they step back out of the corner, they can actually enjoy life, contribute to society, live a life worth living, and allow everyone else to do the same.

Visit the Matthew Shepard Foundation’s Web Site today. 100% of the net proceeds go to the Matthew Shepard Foundation. 

Free Rice.com is a pretty cool site, so I thought you might like to know about it - after all, you’re too cool for school, too!

The web site presents you with a word, such as stationary - you’re given 4 different words to choose from, you choose the one that best describes or defines your word.  When you’re right, Free Rice actually donates rice to the United Nations World Food Program.  The more you play…and the better you play…the more rice is donated.  There’s even a place on the web site to see rice being distributed.

See the handsome little man above?  His name’s Theoneste and I love that little face now as much as I did when I first saw it on January 2nd.  Isn’t he a doll? Look at his little shoulders?

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to do more for those who can’t do more for themselves. My heart has a particular heaviness for children who are in need, so I spent New Year’s Day researching children’s charities and organizations.  After doing my homework, I decided that World Vision was perfect.  My family is sponsoring the little angel above (Theoneste).  We got our “welcome kit” yesterday with pictures, a magnet, a cd, and lots of fascinating information.  There’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll be sponsoring more children or even a family. 

Please don’t think I’m bragging - I have no reason to brag, whatsoever.  It was foolish of me not to have done this years ago.  If I had started sponsoring children, say 10 years ago - how much good could have already been done?   I can’t even think about that - it makes me uncomfortable in my skin.  I also don’t want to mentally calculate the money I spend on exotic coffees and teas, only to realize the impact that same amount of money could have on someone else’s life.

As we sit in our comfortable homes, with our computers in front of us, a stocked refrigerator at our disposal, clean water when we need it, and more clothes than we’ll ever need - there are people in the world who must think we live like kings and queens.  Yet we complain if our sofa isn’t new or we have to get a new microwave. 

Having Theoneste’s precious face looking down at me from the bulletin board in the kitchen does more than just keep my thoughts in perspective. It reminds me that we’re all under God’s loving eye and that we should look after one another.  Children are a gift from God, whether they’re the children in the next room (currently playing her music way too loud!), or the children in a village in Rwanda.  As adults, shouldn’t we do everything in our power to improve the lives of these little ones?

I would urge you to visit World Vision.org or a similar organization, but I have a feeling you’re already headed in that direction.  If that’s the case, you’re about to begin an adventure that’ll touch your life as deeply as it does the child on the other end.

Jesus said, “…whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.” - Matthew 18:5 (NIV)