Relationships

From My Husband, I’ve Learned That You Have to Fight For What You Want, No One’s Going to Do It For You

My husband, Michael, had more hardships before he even knew what the word meant than some people have in their whole lifetime. Without going into specifics, he was a very premature baby at a time when their survival wasn’t likely, his father died in a car wreck when he was a baby, and he was raised by a single, unemployed grandmother. This grandmother, who he knew as “Mama” got by on sheer grit - and we all miss her to this day.

He has told me several stories about fights he had in school and I suppose it makes perfect sense. He was born into a fight (for survival), so fighting has been a way of life for him.

Fortunately for the other males in his small town of Kentucky, it didn’t take long before he channeled this fighting spirit in a direction that led to more than fat lips on smart mouths.

He “fought” for his education. He was one of those real life cases of someone having to walk to school both ways. He could have skipped more than he went, but he respected his “mama” and education too much to cheat them, or himself.

He “fought” for his country - serving proudly in the Army as well as the Air Force.

Most of all, he has “fought” for his family. After September 11, the business Michael was in (like a lot of businesses) went to hell in a sack. We lost our dream home (it was so beautiful!) but we didn’t lose our, even more beautiful, dreams.

During a span of about 3 years - losing our home was actually the kindest favor life threw our way. Michael’s mom died, his sister was killed in a sudden accident, and my mom suffered a heart attack and began, health-wise, to go down rapidly. She was just 60 years of age, at the time, so that was all a great shock.

We all felt like the wind had been knocked out of us, and, frankly, I wanted to stay down on the mat for a while. But “Rocky” jumped back up and pulled me up along with him. My mindset was, “Are you crazy - if we get up, we might get hit again!” But his mindset was, “Are you crazy, you can’t hit back if you’re on the mat!”

We got up. Correction - I got up. He never succumbed to the mat. Sure, he may have taken a knee, but he stayed up.

We’re very different - Michael and I. You see, I am the stereotypical only child - I was spoiled rotten by the time I met Michael. To me, a fight was something Sugar Ray Leonard did in the ring. I never really had to fight for anything - thanks to my mom, dad, aunts, and uncles everything was always given to me.

When I got into the real world (you know the one…where mom doesn’t do your laundry and dad doesn’t have sausage and biscuits made for you first thing in the morning) - it could have eaten me alive. It tried a few times, but Michael taught me - with his words, but mostly from watching him - that you have to fight for what you want from life. No one else is going to do it for you.

Not only that, but he has also taught me that you should never settle for anything. I learned, long ago, never to tell him that something was “good enough” or that it was “okay.” Those aren’t just words to him, they’re challenges.

Career-wise, Michael went on to become the absolute best in his field.  He, literally, has had people try to hire him all over the country.  That would have been “good enough” for most people.  But he has always wanted to make sure that, in the unlikely event that anything happened to him (I say unlikely because I don’t think the grim reaper would stand a shot) - the girls and I would have something of our own.  So we launched a web publishing business that is, in my estimation, quite successful.  In his?  It needs more work, of course!

He hasn’t given a fat lip to a wise guy (to my knowledge!) in over 20 years. But he has jack slapped every obstacle that was foolish enough to get in his way. He has never settled and he has tried his level best to make sure no one he loves ever settles, either.

I know, for a fact, that I’ve accomplished more and have gotten more out of myself because of the things I’ve learned from him.

Fighters never quit and quitters never win.

From My Middle Daughter, Brittany, I’ve Learned That You Have to Be True to Yourself……

My daughter Brittany has more artistic talent in her eyebrow than most people have in their whole body. She’s very bright, imaginative, and creative. This creative streak has always caused her to march to a different drummer - one often unheard by the rest of the world! Since I’ve always had my own personal band, I understand, perfectly, where she’s coming from. I may not always applaud her decisions, but I always applaud the bravado with which she makes them.

When she was 12, she up and decided that she’d no longer eat anything that “once had a face on it.” She made this declaration one night as I was fixing supper. As we talked about protein and its other sources, I made two pans of spaghetti sauce that - one with meat and one without. Deep down, I knew her mind was made up and that she would probably stick with this forever. She has.

This was right before Hollywood made vegetarianism a “cool” thing to do, long before it was so PC. She got a lot of ribbing from family members, and more than a few arguments. When we’d go out to eat and would have to take into consideration her eating restrictions, she’d feel uneasy (especially if it went against what one of her sisters wanted - she’d feel the glares along with the uneasiness), but she never caved in.

It wasn’t the popular thing to do, but it was her call to make. Well-meaning family members and acquaintances told us that, if they were me, they’d make her eat meat. Britt’s response, “I’m glad you’re not her!”

She also went through an unusual phase when she was around 15. She fell in love with wearing black and it became practically the only color she’d wear. It wasn’t any sort of a statement - the kid just preferred the way she looked in black. Drove her dad nuts! Here was this beautiful girl and all she’d wear were loose black t-shirts and black shorts or pants. During this time she also decided that THE way…the only way… to wear one’s hair was peeled back in a ponytail, without so much as a hair free. So her long, gorgeus, thick, naturally wavy dark hair was gelled and pulled daily.

Her grandmother would buy her colorful clothes, but they’d just hang in the closet, watching the black clothes have all the fun.

Thankfully, this passed about as quickly as it came. Since then, she has worn every color of the rainbow - often at the same time! Thankfully the hair is allowed more freedom as well.

From watching a very young girl have a strong enough willpower and a sense of herself to stand up and make what were unpopular choices, I learned that you don’t have to fit in or follow the crowd. Everyone doesn’t HAVE to like everything that you do. It takes courage to be true to be yourself and “find your own way.” It’d be much easier to just follow along the way someone else chooses for you - but, isn’t that “their way?” Finding “your own way” means finding it yourself.

Sure, you’ll make wrong turns along the way, but you’ll navigate through the detours and grow stronger as a result.

I’m what my mom always called a “people pleaser.” I honestly get ill if I think I’ve done something that someone else doesn’t like or approve of. I’ve been that way since I can remember. Brittany has taught me that you absolutely, positively cannot please everyone - not even those closest to you. You’re going to do things that make them think you’ve gone around the bend and you’re going to do things that cause others to whisper about you behind your back.

I’ve learned, from watching Brittany, that you can treat these whispers as your own personal background music - it harmonizes sweetly with the drum you’re marching to.

Originality is something to be worn with an exclamation, not an explanation.

This post is the second in a series of “What I’ve Learned…” posts.

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I‘m nothing if not a learner. For all of my faults, and they’re a varied and entertaining lot, I can honestly say that, at least, I am always open to change and embrace learning like a 3 year old embraces a stuffed animal.   Something I’ve discovered is that the best lessons don’t come from books.  That statement probably seems astounding coming from someone who practically worships the shelf a book lies on.  Nonetheless, the best lessons come from life, itself. 

Lessons spring from the most unexpected places - I’ll give them that.  While they’re often found hovering around their favorite hangout: our mistakes,  they’ve also been known to show up in movies, television programs, the lives of other people, quiet moments on the beach, in songs, and in life-changing events.

I’m getting together a series of posts titled “What I’ve Learned…”  Thankfully, the learning process continues daily, but I wanted to spotlight some of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life, to date. It’s my hope that if the lessons touched me, you’ll feel something from them as well. What can I say, I’m touchy-feely.

Each person and (often) event has provided, of course, multiple lessons, but to keep from being at my keyboard all summer, I’m only highlighting one lesson for each.

The order they’ll appear in is the result of a very scientific and complicated process. That or, I just wrote them down on little pieces of paper, turned them on their faces, and chose their order at random.

My middle daughter, Brittany, was the first name I drew - so she’ll be the first post. I can’t wait for you to meet her, she’s not just a character, she’s a character’s character.

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If you’re a blogger, this would actually serve as a great idea for future blog posts. You know those times when you just can’t think of anything to say? Let your life lessons do the talking for you. They always have something to say, anyway, don’t they?!

People don’t always hear what you say but they always see what you do.

The statement above once danced deliriously around my head while chanting “Na na na boo boo..”  I had been teaching one of my daughters to drive.  From the very first time she got behind the wheel, I noticed the odd way that she held it.  Her hands would always default into a really peculiar position.  Each time, I’d say something like, “Here. Why don’t you put one hand here, the other hand here…and if you have a third one, put it here.”

Finally, she got to where she’d arrnage them in a more reasonable position - but I noticed that the reasonable position was always Plan B.  Plan A was to instinctively go with a haphazard, funky positioning.

One day - about one week and 200 Tylenols into the lessons - I got into my rightful “Starbucks, Here I Come” position in the driver’s seat.  Turned the key, popped in a little vintage Janet Jackson and grabbed the wheel.  As Janet was demanding to know what someone had done for her late-ly, I happened to catch a glimpse of my hands. 

Oh, yeah, my hands were getting three kinds of freaky.  My way of holding the wheel was kind of cock-eyed, too.  She had obviously picked up the technique from watching me… probably the last person one should pick up driving techniques from.  Unless, of course they have Nascar or demolition derby aspirations.

On the way to Starbucks, it occurred to me that some of the other things that bothered me about her driving could also be traced back to me.  While cruising down the road, wind-surfing out the window with one hand and controlling the wheel with the other, I remembered the times I’d ask her, “Why do you keep taking one of your hands off of the wheel - that’s dangerous.  There.  Good girl, both hands.”  Once she even told me that she just wanted to hang it out the window.  I told her there was nothing out there for it, so put it back on the wheel.

Funny how, when it’s our beloved children that’ll be driving, we do everything short of putting a helmet on them.

Anyway, the whole thing made me think.  People, watch us daily - whether we know it or not.  And it’s, of course, not just our children who are keeping an eye on us. It’s something to kind of tuck away and keep in mind. 

They watch our driving (horrors), our temperment, our manners, our character, the way we relate to people, etc.  Our actions either betray our words or back them up.

For example:

• If we tell people that we’re laid back and cool, then we flirt with road rage if one car pulls out in front of us - we’re lying to ourselves as well as everyone else.
• If we tell people that we’re kind and helpful, yet we never do so much as one thing to help another person - we might have a skewered definition of the words kind and helpful.
• If we tell people they should respect us, we might need to think again.  I saw a t-shirt last week that read, “If you have to DEMAND respect, you haven’t EARNED it.“  Incredibly, profoundly true.
• If we tell someone else that they have a problem with their temper, yet we’re the ones who are always into it with someone - we’re making a fool out of ourselves.

The point is, people are watching you and they’re watching me.  We can say and write whatever we want to. We all possess vocabularies consisted of countless words.  Anyone can arrange them to create any thought or statement they want to.  I could say that I weigh the same amount as Keira Knightley and that I’m completely fed up with not being able to put on weight, no matter how many trips I make to Dairy Queen. I can say that the dipped cones never show up anywhere on my body, unless, of course some drips onto my little Keira-sized hands  - but it doesn’t make it any of it anywhere near the truth.  Oh, that it were.  DQ wouldn’t have enough chocolate to sustain me. 

Every now and then, take a good look in the mirror as the soundtrack of your words plays in the background.  Are they in agreement or so out of tune that it makes you laugh?  If the words are setting the bar beautifully high, hold your actions accountable.  Your words are creating the YOU that YOU desire to be.

Now start living up to them.

If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang. - Charly Reese

Said another way, nastiness always comes back and usually hits you in the face.  Sadly, we often stand there, dazed, wondering how such a thing could happen to US.  Oh the unfairness of it all!

Like a boomerang, though, the things that often come back to us originated in that very spot.

In Charley Reese’s quote, the words “malice and envy” could just as easily be replaced with other traits.

For example, the statements below are just as true as the one above:

If rudeness was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If anger was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If suspicion was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If laziness was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If selfishness were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If dishonesy was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

By the same token…

If generosity were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If honesty was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If kindness was tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

If thoughtfulness were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

It’s the same lesson we try to teach our children, and the same lesson God tries to teach His. You get back what you give out. Right in the middle of a Barbie marathon, I once overheard our oldest daughter, Emily, talking to her younger sisters. Emily was 5 which would have made Brittany and Stephany 4 and 2. I’m not sure what Britt and Steph had done to earn their lecture, but from the kitchen I heard Emily telling them, “If you do good stuff, you get good stuff. If you do bad stuff, you get bad stuff.”

A few minutes later, Brittany left the living room. The pressure must’ve been too much for her.

Emily’s phrasing became a catch phrase for me and my girls.

All of us KNOW, I suppose, the truth of this lesson when it comes to actions we take. But we often fail to realize just how true it is when it comes to the way we treat others. In a very real sense, we’re the author of our life’s script. We totally control (or fail to control) the things we say, the places we go, and the way we treat others. When we make these decisions, whether we realize it or not, we dictate what others will say to us and how they will treat us.

I just have to call someone out for something extra kind and thoughtful they did recently. Steph’s boyfriend (who I adore, btw!) was at our house this weekend. They had been watching a movie and he’d fallen asleep on the couch. Like all young boys, all it takes to sleep is the body being still for 5 minutes. My husband was outside mowing when he noticed that one of Sleeping Cutie’s tires was nearly flat. He took it off the car and took it to be patched up, then brought it back and put it back on the car.

The thoughtfulness meant a lot to Steph’s boyfriend, but I’m sure it meant even more to Steph. It’s always a great feeling when your parents are ridiculously cool. And what he did was a ridiculously cool thing and I’m all kinds of proud of him for it.

It makes you wonder what the world would be like if more people went out of their way to be kind and thoughtful for others. Not for recognition, not for glory, not for anything except the chance to be…well… cool.

It’s just something to think about this week. Treat everyone around you as nicely and kindly as humanly possible. Be thoughtful and go out of your way to make other people smile.

But whatever you do - you’d better watch out. What you throw out will come back to you. As someone once said, “If you do good stuff, you get good stuff. If you do bad stuff, you get bad stuff.” So if you make it your mission to send out a lot of good, you’re going to get a lot of good flying back at you!

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. - Og Mandino

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One of the best Online Support Groups and Self Help Programs live at the same url: Tools to Life.com.

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One of the phrases I use the most often when talking about self help and self improvement is, “Improve your world by first improving yourself.” That’s the order it has to go in. We get frustrated, overwhelmed, and…. well, downright nasty…. when we wait for our circumstances to improve first. We put the cart in front of the horse and watch in amazement as nothing happens.

We have to set the change(s) in motion or things will always be like they’ve always been.

That’s why I’m especially excited to be able to tell you about one of the best Self Help Programs I’ve ever seen. Tools to Life is a completely free, online self help coaching system and support network. They have been helping people loose weight, improve their relationships, resolve depression, overcome anxiety and get better careers for over 20 years! Now that’s a reputation worth being proud of. They wanted to bring this success “online” so they could reach even more people ith Inspirational motivation and community support. It’s a labor of love and, take it from someone who recognizes the symptoms, is a clear case of people who simply want to save the world.

Oh, I love the way they think!

The article archive is amazing. You’ll find help, advice, and motivation for every aspect of your self improvement journey. Physical fitness, mental fitness, relationships, health, careers… you name it, they’ve covered it beautifully. I’m glad to see people who realize that there isn’t just one magical area of a person’s life that needs attention. We’re made up of so many different threads, not just one!

There are hundreds and hundreds of articles on Tools to Life. I came across so many that I not only enjoyed, but gained insight and helpful advice from. One of the first ones I read was titled “Healthy Eating on a Limited Budget” - that one gets us all where we live, doesn’t it?! We all want to eat healthy, just as the experts advise us to. But we go to the grocery store and are stopped dead in our tracks by the price of blueberries, red peppers, cauliflower, broccoli, seafood (Three times a week? On who’s budget?!) This is a really great article and I highly recommend it.

Another section of the site that you’re going to love are the Inspirational Videos. These are amazing - you won’t want to stop until you’ve seen them all. They’ve inspired me to add an Inspirational Videos section to Self Help Daily. I only hope to find some half as amazing as the ones they’ve gathered together. Honestly, they’ll blow you away.

The Life Coaching Support Groups seem to be a favorite with people in the Tools to Life community. I like that word, don’t you - Community. It makes you feel as though you’re a part of something. That’s exactly how you’ll feel when you join the Tools to Life Community. Sign up is 100 percent free, and the amazing thing is that you’ll have the opportunity to motivate and inspire just as many people as are motivating and inspiring you.

Does it get any better than that?

If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Happy Father’s Day to dads and grandfathers everywhere! My dad (who, incidentally, I thought hung the moon AND stars) is spending his 12th Father’s Day in Heaven. He died alarmingly young, but I’m thankful to have had him in my life as long as I did. His sense of humor and laid back approach to life were his trademarks and our world’s loss was Heaven’s gain.

Even though there’ve been 12 Father’s Days without him, it still gets to me. Today when I drove by a steakhouse, there were people pouring out of their cars with their dads. Waterworks. Time heals wounds but the scars remain.

The tears gave way to smiles though when I got home to another character that hung the moon and stars - my husband and father of our three daughters and 4 cats. No father in the world has ever out-loved their children more than Michael does our girls. Like all fathers, though, he doesn’t get the sometimes gentler role in the parenting equation.

I feel for fathers, I really do. They have to be the tough guys so often - while the mothers pat on the child’s back, smooths the hair and whispers lovey dovey mommy-isms. Sometimes it resembles a good cop/bad cop scene and fathers seldom get to be the good cop! The decisions they make, the stands they take - they’re always for their child’s best. Funny thing about children though, they generally don’t see past their own little noses.

The quote at the top of the post, at least in our own household, symbolizes a father’s mindset. Fathers often look further into the future than mothers do. I think the reason’s obvious… “mommies” don’t want to see the future. Give us the present, give us the past, but spare us the future!

It’s a good thing that fathers and mothers look at things differently and have different approaches. Two of either approaches would make the kids nutty. -er. Nuttier.

Know that the day will come when your loving strictness, your stern no’s, and, yes… even your lectures…. will be very much appreciated. Keep up the good fight - being a parent in this day and age isn’t for the faint of heart. Or stomach, for that matter.

Happy Father’s Day!

One of my daughters and I were having a good old fashioned gabfest recently. Somewhere between determining that we’d watch anything starring Will Smith and agreeing that gas prices were to blame for every ill known to man, we got around to relationships. We’re female, so it was inevitable, right?

In addition to Mr. Smith and ungodly fuel prices, we agreed on one thing: We pretty much train other people how to treat us. Very often, if someone’s treating us a certain way or behaving a certain way around us…we’ve set the whole thing in motion.

I once heard a girl having a huge fight with her boyfriend on the phone. She was screaming at him so loudly that she had to hold the phone away from her face to keep from blowing her own head up. She called him this, she called his mother that, she threatened to poison his dog (okay, I made the last one up but I was on a roll)… Then, suddenly, silence. She snapped the phone shut and said with a look of total stone cold shock, “He hung up on me.” Uh, yeah. Maybe he wasn’t such a this after all.

When it comes to relationships, have you ever found yourself thinking:

• People are always snapping at me
• People seem to avoid me
• No one talks to me until I talk to them first
• People take the things I say the wrong way
• Why is everyone so sensitive?
• No one listens to me!

If you recognize any of the above statements, I have bad news for you and I have good news for you.  Which do you want first?  The bad?   Okay, brave one.  You are the writer,  director, and leading star of your own life. You have created the character that is you.  People react to and treat you in the way you have conditioned or directed them to. 

It’s just you and the computer screen right now - I’m not even here right now.  I’m probably off cooking, rubbing a cat, talking with one of my daughters, or allowing my husband to buy me something.  It’s just you and the words I left behind.  Open up your mind and heart for a few minutes - they may just be the most important minutes you’ve spent in a long time.

• If people seem to snap at you, get ruffled easily, or take things you say the wrong way:   It’s now officially time to GET REAL.   Take a good, long look at how you treat others.  More likely than not, it’s probably with very little respect.  We all get so busy in our own little worlds that we sometimes forget to treat others as equal humans, which they most certainly are.  They aren’t annoyances, they aren’t here to serve us, and they aren’t obstacles.   They’re humans who happen to be as worthy of respect and kindness as we are.  What we put out there comes back at us in spades.  If you don’t like how you’re treat-ed, it’s time to start treat-ing differently. 
• If people seem to avoid you, again, there’s a reason behind it.  They don’t all meet every Wednesday at 2:00 for a seminar on avoiding you.  They avoid you because you bring something to the table they find unbearable.  The trick is to uncover what that thing is and bury it in your back yard!  Think about people who you, yourself, try to avoid.  WHY do you do so?  Are they always mad, always down in the dumps, or sarcastic?  Are they gossipers that revel in knocking everyone down a couple of notches?  Maybe they’re one note choirs - you know the kind who seem able to talk about only one thing.  I knew a guy once who only talked about cars.  That’s all he had. Yet he was easier to bear than the one I knew who only griped about money.  At least Car Boy was happy, talking about engines, Trans Ams, what’s its, and whatevers.  Money Man was a downer.  He never had enough money for this, he always needed more money for that…  The dude literally knew what every job in the county paid, how much everyone made, how much taxes were taken out of everyone’s checks, etc.  Yeah, I grew to hate him.  What’s more, I offered to pay him to just disappear. 
• How about this one:  People seem to take everything you say the wrong way.  Maybe you say everything the wrong way!  When you think you’re “requesting” something, maybe you’re actually barking an order.  If it has gotten to the point that you think everyone around you is overly sensitive and defensive - go ahead and get the mirror, you’ll find the guilty person inside waiting for you.  In your defense, it’s easy to get into a mode of being a drill sergeant.  When you work long hours and then have to take care of things at home as well - it’s easy to get into a habit of just ordering people around.  After all, your number one priority is “getting things done.”  Therein lies part of the problem.  Our relationships and the people in our lives are worth far more than any job, business, work, housework, lawn, or chores.   Pay close attention to the things you say to others.  Are you talking to them or at them?  Listen to the words - would you want anyone talking to you that way?
• Finally, if people don’t listen to you, they’re tuning you out.  Your words may be fast approaching the yadda yadda yadda stage.

Could you just get outraged or discouraged because others aren’t treating you the way you want them to?  Sure.  Could you yell at them, whine to them, or give them the cold shoulder.  Yes, yes, and yes.  Could you throw a pity party to end all pity parties?  Abso-freakin-lutely.   But, guess what, none of those are going to help you one little bit.  Whether it’s one particular person or an army of them - if you aren’t comfortable with how they treat you, start treating them differently.  Treat them the way you want them to treat you.  No, that’s not new advice.  It’s just the best advice.

Treat others with patience, respect, graciousness, tolerance, and love.  If, that is, you want any of that to come back your way. 

Test it!  Start immediately after finishing this post.  Let the very next words out of your mouth be kinder.  Treat your very next co-worker with a world of respect.  Act genuinely happy to see everyone you come in contact with.  Smile more, laugh more and, more importantly, make others smile and laugh.   Don’t let your conversations revolve around just one subject.  Show MORE interest in others and less interest in YOURSELF.   You get back what you put out - just remember that.

I promise you that you’ll notice a difference in your entire world. 

If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase. - Epictetus

When angry, the wisest thing to do is to go off by yourself until the storm passes. It’s NEVER the easiest thing to do, but it’s ALWAYS the smartest.

Think of Anger as a trunk full of regret and remorse waiting to be opened. If you open it in front of others, they’ll see you at your worst and the trunk’s ugly contents will spew out so fast and so furiously that you won’t be able to corral them. The damage will be done and, once done, it can never be undone.

On the other hand (you know, the more mature and sensible hand), if you go off, cool off, and open the trunk when you’re the only one around, you’ll be able to sort through its contents and see what needs to be said and what needs to be left unsaid.

By doing so, you can find a way to handle what made you angry in the first place. Another benefit from opening the trunk in private is that others will see you at your best rather than your worst. We all want other people to take us seriously and we want their respect whether we admit it to ourselves or not. Hot heads, sarcastic Sams, and screamers don’t get other people’s respect. They get their ridicule, their wrath, and their avoidance. Need yet another benefit? How about this: You won’t create an ugly pile of regrets in the corner of your psyche. Clean corners in one’s psyche are all kinds of cool.

One more thing - when you get your trunk off in private and you’re pilfering through its contents, very often you’ll find that nothing is there of any substance. One of two things will occur to you:

1. There really isn’t even a good reason to be angry!  Whew, what a relief, you can go back to being happy again.  Take your good mood back around humanity and let them enjoy it.
2. What you THOUGHT was making you angry isn’t even at the source of your bad mood.  Your son’s messy room isn’t even in the trunk - instead you find an unresolved problem from work.  Cause for another sigh of relief… you didn’t take it out on junior.

***The approach above works just as well for a Sack of Sadness as it does a Trunk of Temper.  The key is to get to the root of the emotion, yourself.  We should confront and deal with our emotions in as much privacy as possible.  I’m all for asking for help from loved ones when it’s called for, and sometimes a good old-fashioned confrontation is is order.  But we’ll have a much better chance of holding our ground if that ground isn’t shaking.