Spiritual

One of my favorite authors, Maya Angelou, hit the unhappy nail on the head when she said, “Frowning makes you ugly.”  If you’ll notice, most pictures you see of the great lady are smiling…okay, she’s smiling, the picture, itself, isn’t exactly smiling.

(Uh, yeah, I just “word-policed” myself.)

I thought of that saying a few days ago when I was at the mall.  So many people buzzing around - and, it seemed, that 8 out of 10 looked mad or unhappy.  I’ve seen happier faces in emergency rooms.  Now, I’m not expecting everyone I see to look like a morning talk show host.  If everyone was all pressed and smiling ear to ear I might think I was in the middle of a Sci-Fi novel and that they’re happy faces were about to peel away - revealing skin covered with green scales and eyes that glowed red hatred. Not a scene I want to be caught inside of.

I’m really not trying to blow sunshine up the world’s collective butt, I’m just saying that some people get stuck in a funk. A funk of telling themselves, and the world, that they’re feeling down…sad…mad…depressed…whatever unjoyous feeling they’re embracing at the moment.  Young people are so fond of the funk, they’ve even named it - emo. 

You only name something if you want it to stick around.  I mean, my husband has always known that.  He has always realized that the minute I name a stray cat, dog, raccoon, possum - whatever - it is officially part of our family.  He usually doesn’t blink…he just heads off for food to feed it/them.  He did, however, raise an eyebrow when I said I had left some dry cat food out for Stinky. I guess the name gave my cute, quiet little friend away.  

That’s the way it works, you name it…it’s yours.  Whether the name is Stinky, Emo, Depression, the Blues - if you want it, invite it in, give it a name, and sure enough, it’ll dwell with you as long as you keep calling for it.

Why not invite something better in?  Give it a name like Excited, Hopeful, Upbeat, Happy…then ivite it to stick around.  Call on it enough and it’ll move right in.

While I’m on the subject, why are so many people so freakin’ obnoxious? There’s a select number of people who just go around trying to make everyone else as miserable and gloomy as they are.  They seem to think that by unleashing their nastiness on everyone else, they’ll make them as cranky and cantankerous as they are. Ill-tempered, quarrelsome, disagreeable little pestilences - I’d take Stinky over them, any day.  Truth be known, I feel for them.  The people who never have a good word to say (let alone two)…instead of getting mad at them, I’ve come to feel sorry for them.  Can you imagine how miserable it must be to be them? Emo adults are the stuff nightmares are made of.

Like every post I do - whether it’s sharing the ramblings inside of my own head, like this one, or sharing a quote or story that I hope will move you as it did me…I do it from a good place:  My home office.  No, just kidding (not that my office isn’t a good place)…I do it from the heart.  I honestly care about other people - that would be you - and if I ever think I’ve come across something that might slap a smile on your face, give a squeeze to your heart, or drop a thought in your head…I’ll be slapping, squeezing, and dropping like I’m in a hip hop video.

Abraham Lincoln said that we’re all about as happy as we want to be.  And, while there are medical exceptions, truth lives inside of his words. He was Abraham Lincoln, after all! If you’ve been down lately, pick yourself up.  Kick out the family of negative terminolgy and invite the Positives in. 

They’re much better houseguests.

Click on the link to see a cartoon of a boy-ish emo kid.  I thought it was funny…or sad - I forget which.  http://www.phatcowcartoons.com/images/Original/emo_kids_suck___by_c_t_supahfly.jpg

It always strikes me, and it is very peculiar, that when we see the image of indescribable and unutterable desolation - of loneliness, of poverty and misery, the end of all things, or their extreme - then rises in our mind the thought of God.  - Vincent van Gogh

I’ve been thinking this morning (dangerous, I know).  When something goes wrong or just to the right of perfect, the majority of us blame whomever is in charge. I’m as guilty as anyone. For example, the other night my beloved St. Louis Cardinals fell behind early in a game against the Brewers.  Our pitcher threw a few pitches that my arthritic 18 year old cat could have hit.  Did I grumble at the batter(s) for having the audacity to swing?  No.  Did I grumble at Yadier Molina for not giving different signs?  Heck no (my youngest daughter loves him and would have thrown something at me).  Did I call out the pitcher, himself?  Oddly enough, no.  In between bites of popcorn, I went after the head honcho with a “LaRussa!” 

When prices go up or something ugly happens in the world, we blame the individual in the oval office.  Clinton was to blame for all of the world’s problems when he was in office and Bush gets them laid at his feet when he’s in office.  Fair?  No, of course not.  What’s even more out of whack is the number of Republicans who were watching with baited breath for Clinton to mess up and the Democrats who are doing the same with Bush.

However, even worse than the scenarios above is the deal God gets.  Whenever there’s a tornado, hurricane, war, or human suffering of any kind - THEN God’s name comes up.  How could God let this happen! 

It’s sad, when you think about it.  Every minute in the day, there’s a miracle happening somewhere in the world.  Yet, God’s name is rarely mentioned as the source.  But let something bad happen and His is the first name brought up.

We should all be just as quick to praise and applaud as we are to criticize and blame.  Quicker.

Don’t look for God where He is needed most; if you didn’t bring Him there, He isn’t there.  - Mignon McLaughlin

I posted this once on another blog, but it doesn’t really matter - it’s great stuff and deserves to be repeated.   I’m not sure where it came from, it’s been written down inside of an old notebook of mine as long as I can remember. 

I’ve Learned…

• That we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
• That money doesn’t buy class.
• That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
• That the Lord didn’t do it all in one day…what makes me think I can?
• That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
• That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
• That when you plan to get even with someone you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
• That love, not time, heals all wounds.
• That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
• That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
• That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
• That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
• That opportunities are never lost - someone will take the ones you miss.
• That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
• That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
• That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
• That I wish I could have told those I cared about that I love them one more time before they passed away.
• That I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
• That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances:  When it is requested, and when it is a life-threatening situation.
• That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
• That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

One of my daughters e-mailed me the link to a post Mandisa made on her MySpace.  She wrote it at the end of Sanjaya’s American Idol run.  It was so moving and sweet that it left tears in my eyes - not tears of sadness, but tears of amazement. 

MySpace is, primarily, a place where people promote themselves.  It’s covered with young girls and boys (and not so young girls and boys) who post pictures of themselves in various stages of dress and undress. Here I am laughing (I’m just funny that way…), Here I am making a mad face (You’d better not mess with me…), Here I am sitting on the john (Oh my gawd, is that sexy or whut…).  A recent AI contestant took it a step further and, in addition to the john picture, included a patriotic set of pics of her on a war memorial. 

Another recent contestant, after making her exit, hastily added nude pictures to her MySpace page.  It’s like it hit  her: Wait a minute! I don’t have any talent! Plan B!

Then like a candle burning in the middle of the night, you have someone like beautiful Mandisa. Click the link (http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=56974104&blogID=255117148&MyToken=fc13a23c-2f3f-4cce-bbc9-f403c80c8480) for a post you’ll want to read.

Even if you’ve never watched American Idol before and have no idea who either of these young people are - you’ll get something out of her words.  I promise.

At the end of the message, Mandisa encourages everyone to pray for Sanjaya. I propose that, in addition, we all pray for more Mandisas.  

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

 Like many the world over, I’m having to type and see through tear-filled eyes.  If I miss a key and mistype, I’m sure you’ll forgive me - after all, your eyes probably aren’t clearer than mine.

I’d been working on a few online projects all day and, literally, just went to CNN.com.  I can’t tell you how much I wish the main headline had been about Sanjaya and his hair or Imus and his mouth.  Unfortunately the headline was far crueler.  32 are dead and 29 injured after a gunman at the University of Virginia Tech chained a classroom door and opened fire on the class.  I can only imagine the horror that these students endured.  Or the hell that was on the other end when unsuspecting parents answered a call from Virginia. 

I’m speechless.  What can you say when you know that so many hearts are absolutely broken and lives shattered.   My daughters are, each, within 20 feet of me right at this second - yet there are mothers who will never see their little girls or little boys ever again.  (And, trust me, they’re always our little girls and boys.)

Please remember all of the moms, dads, grandparents, sweethearts, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, in your prayers.  They’re all looking for answers to questions that don’t HAVE any answers and for comfort for wounds that will not be comforted.   Pray for all of them daily, because they’re going to need it. At times like this, God is the only one who can help.

With love and a broken heart,

Emily, Brittany, and Stephany’s mother

How do I love you, let me count the ways…..

One of the companies nearest and dearest to my heart, Starbucks, is giving out free coffeee today only - between the hours of 10:00 am and Noon.  Click HERE for proof (in case you think I’m living in a fantasy world..hey, it happens) and for a store locator, to find the one nearest you.

Hmmm, if you think about it, that’s kind of a weird thing I just did.  I mean, if you live near enough to a Starbucks to get to it in time for the free coffee, you pretty much know where it is, right?  And what person wouldn’t already know where all the Starbucks are in their state as well as the border states.  Addresses, hours, barista’s names…. 

“The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.  ~Hans Hofmann

There’s a lot of beauty in simplicity.  Sure that’s kind of a tired saying, but like a lot of sayings, it’s only tired because it’s been good enough to stand the test of time. Standing the test of time makes one tired - generally, it also makes one right.

Take the art print above, for example.  I look at a lot of art on a daily basis.  My eyes have a lot more money than my hands do, so looking is usually about as far as it goes.  Today, alone, I must have browsed through 500 prints online.  The most beautiful one…the one that stood out in my mind at the end of the day….was the simply beautiful art print above (The Dog, Drawing on Paper by Pablo Picasso).

My uptown eyes saw hills, valleys, beaches, sunsets, vases, abstracts, horses, and architectural brilliance - but when all was said and done, the one thing they couldn’t stop talking about was a little black weiner dog drawn on a plain white paper. Usually, of all of my members, my eyes are the only art collectors, but this art print will be an exception. My whole body’s in agreement - we have to have this dog. Not only for its beauty, but also for the sermon it preaches about simplicity.  I’ll hang him somewhere my whole family can see as a reminder to simplify.

Sometimes I wonder if we aren’t all driving ourselves stark raving mad because we’re fighting so hard against what’s best for us - a simpler life. 

• Simpler meals - which would be physically healthier
• Simpler lifestyles - which would be financially healthier
• Simpler days - which would be mentally healthier
• Simpler evenings - which would be emotionally healthier

Just a thought - and a simple one, at that.

Credit: The wonderful framed art print is from Chef’s Corner - when you get to the website, enter The Dog, Drawing on Paper by Pablo Picasso in the search box.  

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” - Bible

“Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.” - Rabindranath Tagore

“That’s the thing about faith. If you don’t have it you can’t understand it. And if you do, no explanation is necessary.” - Major Kira Nerys

“It is good to dream, but it is better to dream and work. Faith is mighty, but action with faith is mightier. Desiring is helpful, but work and desire are invincible.” - Thomas Robert Gaines

“Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.” - Elton Trueblood

“Faith… Must be enforced by reason…When faith becomes blind it dies.” - Mahatma Gandhi

To me, those two words always seemed totally at odds with one another:  Holiday and Blues.  The holidays have always brought my inner little girl out to play - I absolutely love everything about them, even the crowds and 12 hour days in the kitchen.  Great stuff!

There have only been two years when the holidays lost some of their luster for me - the first holiday season without my father and this year, the first without my mom.  With Daddy, Thanksgiving was the hardest - it was his favorite holiday.  He loved it so much that I sometimes wondered if he didn’t keep a calendar marking down the days to that magical Thursday each year.

With my mom, the Christmas season was her favorite.  She was almost as bad as me.  Someone once told her that she was nuts because she started thinking about Christmas the day after Halloween.  She asked them what that’d make her daughter, who’d officially been talking about it since September 1st.  Not the first or last time I’ve been called completely nuts.

I actually considered for a span of 5 minutes not decorating this year. The Grinch knocked on my door and I actually invited him in.  But after I pictured what my mom would have said to me (”Joi Tania! Are you out of your mind?”).  She always pulled out the middle name when I was in trouble or had done something odd.  I kicked the Grinch out of my house and brought the Santas, Snowmen, Angels, Greenery, etc in.  There’s still plenty of blue, mind you - but all the green and red is making it a lighter shade of blue, somehow.

If I’m going through this, I know others are too - or have or will.  So I wanted to give a few words of the “I’ve been there” brand of wisdom.  To me, that’s the sort of advice I’ve always looked for.  The kind that comes from someone who has been on the road I’m on.  And if any of us have navigated a particularly nasty road - I think the least we can do is tell others about it, in the hopes of helping them in any way we can.  Tell them to watch out for this bump, how to make this turn, and where the road gets better.

So how do you handle the Holiday Blues?  The answer lies in the question.  You handle the blues or they’ll handle you - they’ll take you down to the floor and everyone you love right along with you.  They’d love nothing more, actually.

You have to literally make yourself find normal in a decidedly abnormal time and put a smile on days that are drenched in heartache.  Grief is one of the cruelest things we ever endure, and holidays shine a spotlight on it - you remember the times you had with your loved one(s) and you’re painfully….no, PAINFULLY….aware that they’re missing from their rightful chair.

Seems almost too much to cope with, doesn’t it? So what can get you through the day(s)?

1. Prayer.  If we pray for God to “Get us through” something - He’ll not only get us through it, he’ll carry us.
2. Instead of looking at the “empty” place - look at the “full” ones.  Try with all your might to concentrate of the loved ones you have with you.  Draw strength from them. 
3. Keep busy.  They say that idle hands are a devil’s workshop. Well, if that’s true - an idle mind is grief’s production line.  Stay just as busy as possible.  Not only will you be too busy during the day to think - you’ll be so exhausted at night you’ll drift right off to sleep.  Again, keeping thinking at a minimum!
4. Try to keep things as normal as possible.  Keep the traditions and routines in place as much as possible.  Remember, your loved one would want that.  Several times this year, I’ve taken myself to task - asking what I’d want my own daughters to do if I’d been the one to die.  The answer was always the same, I’d want them to keep living - if I were looking down on them and saw them crying more than laughing, it’d break my heart in a billion pieces.  I’d want them to make the holiday that I loved so dearly as beautiful as possible - and I’d want them to love it as much as I did.
5. Finally, realize that no matter how tightly wrapped you try to stay, you’ll come unwound.  Just try to master the art of unwinding on your own terms.  I’m getting better at that one.  On Mother’s Day, I lost it in the middle of a store - all at once the tears just came and refused to stop.  My daughters were all with me and I’ll never forget the helpless looks on their faces.  One minute we were looking at fairy figurines (I collect the little lovelies) and the next minute my face was drenched and three daughters watched as one tried to climb out of a heartbreak.

If you’re going through anything like this, know that you aren’t alone.  There are a lot of us out there.  We’ll all get through it - just remember to balance out the blues with lots of reds, greens, and golds. 

Joi

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little deep to find it.”  -Tori Amos

My youngest daughter and I were in our favorite Dairy Queen a few weeks ago - getting all kinds of busy with a Mushroom and Swiss Burger and Onion Rings (Oh My Gracious God, them’s good…).  We saw an adorable little, elderly man come in and approach the counter.  We couldn’t help but smile mid-bite when we saw the reaction of the women behind the counter - they each jumped, smiling ear to proverbial ear, trying to get to him first.  The one that made it “Honeyed” him to within an inch of the law.  After she gave him his order, she even offered to help him out with it.

Joi