Getting Along With Nitpickers, Sourpusses and Crybabies Part 1

Although the title calls out Nitpickers, Soupusses, and Crybabies, we’ll actually be looking at things we can do to get along with everyone better…not just this celebrated group. 

After all, we can wear name brand labels, have manners Dale Carnegie would be proud of, and be so intelligent the CIA has a file on us - but if we can’t get along with others, we’d be better off staying in bed. With the covers over our head.

The first thing we all have to keep in mind is this:  We’re all different.  No two people look at the world in quite the same way.  Everyone has their own personal life experiences that have made them the way they are.  Just because we want another person to behave or react the way we think they should doesn’t mean they will…or that they’re even capable of it.  The sooner we realize that, the sooner more peace will come pouring into our life.  Blankets of it.

When my girls were little, I’d often tell them that you can’t change others, you can only change yourself and how you react to them.  If you know a bully, chances are you’ll never change him/her.  Their own life story has been written in a way that has developed their “character” into a bully.  You can’t rewrite someone else’s story! 

You can, however, perfect your own.  Which is why I’ve always taught my daughters to spend the majority of their energy taking care of their own actions and reactions. 

Below are suggestions for dealing with people who, seemingly, go out of their way to be contrary:

1. When dealing with a complainer, let them complain.  People handle situations differently - and there are those that simply like to complain. They enjoy it! Trying to change them is presupposing that they aren’t happy.  Complaining may be their way of letting off steam - and unless you’re under the exact same pressure cooker, you can’t honestly say their way is the right or wrong way for them. More times than not, we want a complainer to quit complaining so we don’t have to listen to them - but sometimes, the best thing to do is to just listen to them.  It’s not letting them win, and it’s certainly not being weak, it’s being strong enough to allow an unpleasant situation to pass without making it worse.  That’s good old-fashioned common sense that’s anything but common anymore.
2. If someone is argumentative, listen to their argument.  They may be going about it entirely in the wrong way, they may be using inflammatory words, they may even be flailing their arms, yelling, turning red and making a complete ass of themself!  But, listen to the words amongst the fury and see if they carry any weight.  If they do, say so quickly.  Many, many times a person will get to the point of boiling because no one pulled them off the stove when they began to simmer.  Again, it’s not about letting them win - it’s about making a bad situation better.  If you take a bad situation and turn it into a good one for everyone involved, guess what - you aren’t the weak one, you’re the strong one.
3. Don’t ever sink to someone else’s level.  This one’s tough, right?!  When dealing with a really difficult, contrary person, human nature makes us want to respond to them in a like manner.  But doesn’t that make us just like the person who’s actions we despise the most?  Why would we want to look like, sound like, or be like them?  Our goal should be to look like, sound like, and be like the complete opposite of them.  If you know someone who is “sour,” don’t let their sourness rub off on you - stay sweet.
4. Never, Ever use sarcasm.  It’s just ugly.  I honestly can think of few things that are uglier and more unattractive than a sarcastic tongue.  Make a vow to never let your tongue become a sarcastic one.  If someone has done something you don’t like or don’t understand, just say so like an adult.  When we act like adults, a funny thing happens - we’re treated like adults.
5. If someone is a Nitpicker, again, let her pick!  In the book, “How to Get Along with Difficult People,” the author (William J. Diehm) had the following to say about Nitpickers:

When I practiced marriage counseling, I would often say to a quarreling couple, ‘In a prive fight, even the poorest fighter can make an occasional point.  You two fight over everything.  Can you not concede the smallest victory to the other person?’  When picky people are right, let them know.  it will make them less persnickety.

A final thing about getting along with others - if you find that you worry too much about what other people are doing, saying, not doing, not saying…it’s entirely possible that you aren’t spending enough time with the one person that matters most: You.  Sometimes we get so caught up trying to direct the show around us that we forget our own lines!  That’d make as much sense as studying someone else’s script.  If we study theirs, who’ll study ours?