Holiday Blues

To me, those two words always seemed totally at odds with one another:  Holiday and Blues.  The holidays have always brought my inner little girl out to play - I absolutely love everything about them, even the crowds and 12 hour days in the kitchen.  Great stuff!

There have only been two years when the holidays lost some of their luster for me - the first holiday season without my father and this year, the first without my mom.  With Daddy, Thanksgiving was the hardest - it was his favorite holiday.  He loved it so much that I sometimes wondered if he didn’t keep a calendar marking down the days to that magical Thursday each year.

With my mom, the Christmas season was her favorite.  She was almost as bad as me.  Someone once told her that she was nuts because she started thinking about Christmas the day after Halloween.  She asked them what that’d make her daughter, who’d officially been talking about it since September 1st.  Not the first or last time I’ve been called completely nuts.

I actually considered for a span of 5 minutes not decorating this year. The Grinch knocked on my door and I actually invited him in.  But after I pictured what my mom would have said to me (”Joi Tania! Are you out of your mind?”).  She always pulled out the middle name when I was in trouble or had done something odd.  I kicked the Grinch out of my house and brought the Santas, Snowmen, Angels, Greenery, etc in.  There’s still plenty of blue, mind you - but all the green and red is making it a lighter shade of blue, somehow.

If I’m going through this, I know others are too - or have or will.  So I wanted to give a few words of the “I’ve been there” brand of wisdom.  To me, that’s the sort of advice I’ve always looked for.  The kind that comes from someone who has been on the road I’m on.  And if any of us have navigated a particularly nasty road - I think the least we can do is tell others about it, in the hopes of helping them in any way we can.  Tell them to watch out for this bump, how to make this turn, and where the road gets better.

So how do you handle the Holiday Blues?  The answer lies in the question.  You handle the blues or they’ll handle you - they’ll take you down to the floor and everyone you love right along with you.  They’d love nothing more, actually.

You have to literally make yourself find normal in a decidedly abnormal time and put a smile on days that are drenched in heartache.  Grief is one of the cruelest things we ever endure, and holidays shine a spotlight on it - you remember the times you had with your loved one(s) and you’re painfully….no, PAINFULLY….aware that they’re missing from their rightful chair.

Seems almost too much to cope with, doesn’t it? So what can get you through the day(s)?

1. Prayer.  If we pray for God to “Get us through” something - He’ll not only get us through it, he’ll carry us.
2. Instead of looking at the “empty” place - look at the “full” ones.  Try with all your might to concentrate of the loved ones you have with you.  Draw strength from them. 
3. Keep busy.  They say that idle hands are a devil’s workshop. Well, if that’s true - an idle mind is grief’s production line.  Stay just as busy as possible.  Not only will you be too busy during the day to think - you’ll be so exhausted at night you’ll drift right off to sleep.  Again, keeping thinking at a minimum!
4. Try to keep things as normal as possible.  Keep the traditions and routines in place as much as possible.  Remember, your loved one would want that.  Several times this year, I’ve taken myself to task - asking what I’d want my own daughters to do if I’d been the one to die.  The answer was always the same, I’d want them to keep living - if I were looking down on them and saw them crying more than laughing, it’d break my heart in a billion pieces.  I’d want them to make the holiday that I loved so dearly as beautiful as possible - and I’d want them to love it as much as I did.
5. Finally, realize that no matter how tightly wrapped you try to stay, you’ll come unwound.  Just try to master the art of unwinding on your own terms.  I’m getting better at that one.  On Mother’s Day, I lost it in the middle of a store - all at once the tears just came and refused to stop.  My daughters were all with me and I’ll never forget the helpless looks on their faces.  One minute we were looking at fairy figurines (I collect the little lovelies) and the next minute my face was drenched and three daughters watched as one tried to climb out of a heartbreak.

If you’re going through anything like this, know that you aren’t alone.  There are a lot of us out there.  We’ll all get through it - just remember to balance out the blues with lots of reds, greens, and golds. 

Joi

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little deep to find it.”  -Tori Amos