The October 2008 issue of Success Magazine has a mini-article titled “Healthy, Wealthy, & Wise - Your Checklist.” The reader is given 6 small but powerful goals that’ll lead us down a path to better health, more wealth, and increased wisdom. Sign me up for all three.

The first tip is “Add a small fitness goal to your routine each week.” The author suggests drinking one extra glass of water each day, running for one more mile a week, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I think I can swing the extra glass of water each day. But run? Only if I’m giving chase or being chased. As for the stairs, I’m all over that one. I don’t love elevators, so stairs are fine by me.

My favorite tip of the 6 is this one: “Don’t use people as mirrors.” The reader is told to have a strong sense of who he/she is without letting other people influence how they feel. This can be a hard one, can’t it?

Some of us are more inclined than others to care too much about what others think of us. A lot of times, our own opinion of ourselves is heightened or lessened by other’s words. We can be feeling pretty pleased with ourselves or with a particular accomplishment until someone criticizes us. Then we basically bottom out.

As the article points out, we should try very hard to keep a healthy sense of self, without allowing others to affect it. After all, there are some people who can only make themselves feel bigger by making others feel smaller. After years of practice, they’ve perfected the art.

The advice is positively golden - and the more I think about it, the more golden it is.

All 6 of the tips are golden. I’ve given away two of them, if you want the other 4, grab the issue! The issue’s packed with great stuff - including the last page: “Turning Knowledge into Power, 10 Actions You Can Take Right Now.”

I was doing a little autumn cleaning today - clearing shelves, rearranging our book collections, dusting, etc. I lingered longer with the books that are “older” because they never cease to touch me on some level.

I did more than just linger when I came across one of my favorites, Words to Live By (Copyright 1947-1957). This golden oldie is a collection of writings by some of the wisest men and women of the time. This afternoon, I sat down with it and a cup of coffee and re-read some of the articles.

I thought you’d get a lot out of this particular article, so I’m going to type it in for you. Enjoy!

Failure Isn’t Fatal

by The Reverend James Keller, M.M.
Author of “You Can Change the World”

Too often, it seems to me, people lose their courage in facing life because of past failures or fear that they may fail in the future.

One good way to cure such fears is to remember the story of a man who actually built a lifetime of accomplishments out of defeats. The following litany of failures that punctuated his life throughout thirty years is a living and eloquent example of the successful use of defeat in achieving victory.

Abraham Lincoln’s record is as follows:

• Lost job 1832
• Defeated for legislature 1832
• Failed in business 1833
• Elected to legislature 1834
• Sweetheart died 1835
• Had nervous breakdown 1836
• Defeated for speaker 1838
• Defeated for nomination for Congress 1843
• Elected to Congress 1846
• Lost renomination 1848
• Rejected for land officer 1849
• Defeated for Senate 1854
• Defeated for nomination for Vice-President 1856
• Again defeated for Senate 1858
• Elected President 1860

Lincoln’s deep conviction that God had given him a mission to fulfill accounted in no small way for his deep humility and ability to push on in the face of difficulties and failures that would have discouraged most people.

His abiding faith was well summed up in this comment which he made after becoming President:  “God selects His own instruments, and sometimes they are queer ones; for instance, He chose me to steer the ship through a great crisis.”

You, too, in God’s providence can be an instrument in bringing His love, truth and peace to a world in urgent need of it.

And with Abraham Lincoln, you too can learn to say, “With God’s help I shall not fail.”

Never despair. But if you do, work on in despair. - Edmund Burke

I was just responding to a comment left on one of my posts when an idea for this post struck me.  My husband and three daughters (Emily, Brittany, and Stephany) are very busy people.  They come and go at all times - most of our cats gave up, long ago, trying to keep up with them.  One, Alexa, is fighting the good fight and still stays on top of watching the revolving kitchen door.

For some peculiar reason, when one of them or one of their boyfriends (we’ll exclude my husband on that one) come through the door, Alexa will find me to “tell” me that she/he is here.  She knows that’s when I like to go meet them and see what they’d like - be it coffee, tea, hot chocolate, food, or an ear.

Needless to say, they don’t have as much time to get lost in a great book as I do.   Ahhhh, the sweet perks of working from one’s home.  I read all the time - as I’ve said before, I usually have at least 3 books going at once.  If I recommended EVERY single book I like to them, they’d think I was completely off my nut. 

I’m still trying to keep that fact a secret from them, so I only recommend only the books that I KNOW will touch their lives and make them and their future brighter and better.  The following are the last 5 books that I recommended to my much beloved family.  I’d like to recommend them to you, because I heart you a great deal, too!

1. The Bible.  Obvious, much?   I’ve always loved the Bible and reading it has been a constant in my daily life for too many years to even count.  Every single one of life’s problems can be found in the books of the Bible and I’m convinced that the first step in living a better life begins with being a faithful Bible reader.  After losing my mom, far sooner than I should have, in 2006, I found a great deal of comfort by turning to Psalms.  The beauty of the words brought more calmness into my heart than it thought possible.
2. Just Who Will You Be? by Maria Shriver - Click HERE for my review of this remarkable little book.  Each one of my family members has read this book and commented on how much they loved it.  It’s a very fast read, and I think each one of them read it in one sitting.
3. How to Think Like a Millionaire - Read my review of this exceptional book HERE.
4. One Can Make a Difference: Original stories by the Dali Lama, Paul McCartney, Willie Nelson, Dennis Kucinch, Russel Simmons, Bridgitte Bardot, Martina … Dozens of Other Extraordinary Individuals - How’s that for a title??  This is another wonderful book that’s also easy and fast to read.  It’s actually compiled of a series of amazing essays, so they can be read in a one essay a day fashion.  I would actually advise you to read them that way, because each essay stands on its own as a powerhouse of motivation and inspiration.  The book is so amazing that you’ll want to devour them all at once.  I have to confess, that’s the way I did it.  But I’m going back now and reading them one essay at a time - really allowing each one to “set in” before moving to the next.  This is a profound and powerful book that will change you forever.  The truly beautiful thing?  If enough of us are changed, we can change the world!
5. Little Gold Book of YES! Attitude: How to Find, Build and Keep a YES! Attitude for a Lifetime of SUCCESS - A wonderfully fun, yet highly motivational little book. It, too, will change your life for the better - by changing the way you “look at” things. It’s a make-over for your attitude, which is pretty essential because your attitude touches every single inch of your life.
6. Strength for Life: The Fitness Plan for the Rest of Your Life - My family’s health is even more important to me than my own, so I recommended this great all-in-one book to them. The author, Shawn Phillips, has as much knowledge about nutriton and fitness as any author I’ve ever read. He lays it all out for the readers in an easy-to-read and easy-to-live style that puts better health within arm’s reach.

For my daughters, I also recommended a fictional book by Kate Jacobs: Comfort Food. She’s the talented, engaging author who also wrote “The Friday Night Knitting Club.” I love her style! Comfort Food is about a lovable host for a television show on the Cooking Channel. The main character, Gus is a fifty year old mother who has had this show for 12 years. The ratings are dipping, so the producers add a diva-like co-host, Carmen. Carmen loves nothing more than Carmen, so you can imagine how well that goes over.

Carmen decides to use her show as an on-air cooking class that brings together her fighting daughters Sabrina and Aimee.

Another great character, Oliver, provides the romance for the novel. He’s the new culinary producer who adds spice to Gus’ life. Sorry, I couldn’t resist the spice comment. I tried - but, in the end, I had to go with it.

Wow, this is all kinds of cool! I’ll just say, right up front, that I have a couple of phobias - heights, deep water, and snakes. If you were to put me on a bridge with a snake, I’d try to choke myself before the other evils got to me.

I’ve always been very annoyed by my unfounded fears. I say unfounded because, frankly, I’ve never drowned, fallen from anything higher than a bicycle, or met a snake that meant me any harm. The few I’ve encountered seemed more interested in escaping the screaming wild woman than anything else.

Fears are like that. Unreasonable, annoying, irritating, and frustrating. They can hold us back from doing the things we want to do. If we let them, they take a lot of our life away from us and defeat us in a way we hadn’t expected.

GoGetter JetSetter is just what we need to put all of the power back on our side. WITHOUT medication, deep breathing, “talk therapy,” or any of the methods you may have heard about and dismissed.

From their Website:

According to Modern Psychology the technique I teach “may be the most powerful vehicle for change in existence”, and as a former sufferer I know it’s the most powerful because it cured me of Aerophobia (fear of flying) and my fear of heights - I now live on the 28th floor right across from the airport!

It is a completely natural approach to eliminating 100% of flying anxiety within 18 minutes. This may seem very hard to believe for someone who may have had this condition for some time, but believe me the new information is now available to free you from fear of flying - especially if it’s severe.

You may be amazed at how such a simple technique known as “The Fast Phobia Cure” could be so powerful in eliminating a fear of flying, and allows you to fly calmly while feeling in-control.

This little known technique was developed by Dr. John Grinder and Richard Bandler, and I refined this technique specifically to cure a fear of flying, so chances are you will not have come across anything like it before.

I just finished reading one of the most fascinating pages I’ve ever read online - it’s their “About Us” page, but it’s sort of like a little course in phobias. I learned a lot before I even got halfway down the page! It’s good to know that our phobias CAN be relatively easily destroyed. I would love to throw mine off of the highest bridge I could find. Er, once I’m able to stand on it, myself.

GoGetter JetSetter just may be the thing we need to fly high. Sounds like fun to me!

Check out their website and read every inch of their About Us page, it’s truly fascinating.

* The above is a sponsored post, which means I am paid to take a look at a website, program, service, or product and tell what I think about it. Whether I like it, love it, hate it, or want to wrap my arms around it and call it mine is entirely up to me.

“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.” - Oscar Wilde

One of my greatest pet peeves is selfishness - in any form. If God, Himself, hadn’t labeled the love of money as the root of all evil, I’d give selfishness the honor. As it is, I have no intention of second-guessing God. I’m a lot of things, but incredibly stupid isn’t one of them.

Not long ago, I was talking to my lovely daughters about relationships. I told them that a great deal of arguments could be avoided simply by thinking less about self and more about the other person. That’s not always possible, of course, and as a mother of three girls, I most certainly preach and teach the importance of standing up for yourself. I was (and am) talking about the little, petty disagreements that act like little pins and needles in any relationship.

Things like:

• “Remember when you said such-and-such…“  Basically, when you keep pointing out a past “wound,” you show that you want them to pay again and again and again for a mistake they made, sometimes years ago.  It’s a common, but selfish and unforgiving, mistake.  It actually hurts the person who keeps digging in the past even more than it does the other person. 
• “I gave you three things for your birthday and you only gave me two…“  Graciousness and unselfishness don’t keep score or run a tab.
• “You’re going golfing?  What am I supposed to do?!“  I hate when one person seems to grieve over what someone else is doing.  Hate it!  When you love someone, shouldn’t you want more than anything for them to enjoy life?  Again, turning off the “ME” switch and switching on the “OTHERS” one will make everyone a lot happier. 
• “I don’t want you to dress that way (wear your hair that way, talk that way, drive that car…..)“  The quote at the top by Oscar Wilde sums this one up beautifully.  Why are some people so incredibly full of themselves that they think everyone should look, act, talk, and dress just like they do?!  Just as a garden would be less interesting if every flower were the same height, color, and shape, the world would be far less interesting if everyone looked and dressed the same.  Those of us who delight ourselves in “people watching” would probably break down and cry! 

I heard a DJ on the radio tonight talking about a friend he’d recently “lost.”  I thought he was going to say the friend had died at worst or moved away at best.  I was shocked when he said that it was because they had a difference of opinions concerning the upcoming election.  He said that he was okay with their difference of opinion, but his friend was not.  Silly DJ, selfish people don’t allow others to have opinions! 

No one wears selfishness well, but selflessness looks beautiful on anyone.

In a superficial society, we often neglect the most important thing we possess: Our personality. This is what makes us who we are. It dictates who wants to be around us and who avoids us like a Biblical plague. Two years after we’ve left this world for the one beyond, our personality (for better or worse) will be the thing we’ll be remembered for most - not our waistline or our hairline. Not EVEN our clothes, or (YIKES!) perfume and jewelry.

When it comes to personalities, I believe the following statements to be 100 percent true:

1. They can make a person MORE attractive or LESS attractive.
2. They can help an individual get AHEAD in their career or HOLD them back.
3. They’re each built upon one of two foundations:  A SELFISH foundation or a SELFLESS foundation.
4. People can change.

Pretty is as Pretty Does

For obvious reasons I won’t name names, but one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever known was (at first glance) not much beyond cute or somewhat attractive.  Yet, after just 10 minutes in her presence, you were convinced that she was, possibly, one of the most beautiful people on the planet.  She was extremely sweet, soft-spoken, kind, neat, feminine, witty, and was a very good mother to her beautiful children.  She was also very fond of laughing and kept one on standby at all times. Mostly she had the one trait that I am drawn to more than any other - she loved life and squeezed all she could out of each second.  She had a vivacious personality that served as a killer running mate for her physical features. Ooooooh, don’t get me started on running mates, not just yet, anyway!

 By contrast, we all know people who have been blessed with wonderful physical features, but possess personalities that serve as ugly masks - hiding the beauty that they should be enhancing.

You Can’t Make it to the Top if No One Likes You!

People who come across as arrogant, sarcastic, dull, disinterested, or constantly angry aren’t likely to advance in their career.

One of the things that makes my husband so good with his clients is the fact that he is honestly 100 percent interested in them. He turns his work phone off 10 minutes before going to bed and turns it on 1 minute after waking. He wants to be available to people who need him 24/7. Not only is he available to them, he is interested in them. He knows the names of each one’s family members, health issues each has, their favorite restaurants, their favorite sport’s teams, etc. He has laughed with them, cried with them, and fought for them.

People who do business with him always attribute his success to his intelligence, killer drive, and work ethic which is second to none. However, I’ve always said that it comes down to one thing - people like him. He’s funny, compassionate, outgoing, and as my mom always said, “A real character.”

Are You Selfish or Selfless?

Every single one of us is either more selfish than we are selfless or more selfless than we are selfish. I tend to believe that no one is TOTALLY either one - but everyone definitely has more of one trait than the other.

Very often, a rotten disposition comes from being self-centered. Think about people who have angry outbursts. They certainly aren’t thinking about other people - they’re only thinking about themselves. How they’re being “put upon” or how others aren’t doing enough for them. Me, me, me - it’s all about me!

Anger (including road rage) is just selfishness having a temper tantrum.

Sarcasm is just selfishness acting petty.

Mocking is just selfishness acting childish.

Benevolence, tolerance and kindness are selfless acts. They’re traits from people who honestly care about the needs and feelings of others. The person who slows down to allow someone to pass rather than gunning it to stay in front - they’re being selfless.

For those predisposed to selfishness, selflessness takes practice. But it can be achieved.

Be totally honest with yourself, do you think you are more concerned about yourself or others? During the day, do you concern yourself more with your own needs or those of others? When’s the last time you put yourself totally out for another person - without shining a spotlight on it?

Start today: Do as many kind acts for others as possible. Smile and speak to strangers. Put the grocery cart in the corral in the parking lot. (Pet peeve! I hate when people leave it out in the open and justify it by saying, “That’s what they get paid for.” I hate when selfishness tries to explain itself.)

People CAN Change

Change a habit and you change your life. If selfishness seems to dominate your personality, make it your #1 mission to change that right away. It can’t be something you think about today then forget tomorrow. You have to make a concentrated effort each and every day to care more about others than you do yourself.

Think about personality traits that you admire in others. Do they always seem happy or upbeat? Do they make you feel better when you’re around them? Do they look you in the eyes when they talk to you? Are they honest? Do they make you smile? Do they dwell on positive things rather than negative ones?

Identify personality traits you admire and are drawn to - then take inventory of your own personality traits. Are they a service to you or a disservice? Do they elevate you or demote you? Do they benefit your relationships or serve as a barrier between you and others?

If you don’t like the answers you’ve come up with, what are you going to do about it?

Hurricane Ike has caused more damage and loss than any of us want to think about. He even reached us here in Kentucky this weekend with high wind storms that have left many without power for days. The worst tragedies, of course, are those who have lost their lives. A woman in a town nearby lost her life when a tree limb fell on her. She was outside making her three children come inside. One of the children broke his arm, and I wish with all my heart that were the only casualty that day.

Ironically, another tragedy involved people trying to save a young life. A man and his son drowned as they tried to rescue a ten year old boy. Like so many heroes, they didn’t walk away from their finest hour.

The local news wanted to tell me more stories, but my heart couldn’t take it. Suffice to say, you won’t hear me complaining about the damage done to our trees, roof, or about the time we were without power. I pretty much welcome the problems we’re having with cell phones and an internet connection that crawls at a snail’s pace. I know we’re amongst the very, very lucky ones.

My heart goes out to everyone who has been affected by the nastiness of Ike. And I guess that’s pretty much all of us in one way or another. If today doesn’t call for an extra dose of comfort and encouragement, I (literally) don’t want to see the day that does.

We live by encouragement, and we die without it - slowly, sadly, angrily. - Celest Holme

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. - Author Unknown

You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life. - Zig Ziglar

God is closest to those with broken hearts. - Jewish Saying

The heart is the only broken instrument that works. - T.E. Kalem

Sadness flies away on the wings of time. - Jean de La Fontaine

Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light. - Jean Giraudoux

The more sympathy you give, the less you need. - Malcolm S. Forbes

To ease another’s heartache is to forget one’s own. - Abraham Lincoln

When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. - Author Unknown

When you think of a “hateful” person, what do you think of? Someone with a biting sarcasm and so much nastiness about them that they’re pretty much a human repellent? I’ve known a few people like that - so mean-spirited it’s a wonder they could stand themselves.

Then again, maybe they couldn’t and that’s why they’re so mean.

I’m actually not thinking about the word “hateful” in regards to how a person acts, though. I’m thinking about the following definition of the word:

Hateful - full of or expressing hate; malignant

Sadly, there are a lot of people who are full of hate and this makes them, just as the definition says, malignant (1. disposed to cause harm, suffering, or distress deliberately 2. very dangerous or harmful in influence or effect. ). I can’t imagine that anyone would wake up in the morning and tell their cat, “I’d sure like to be malignant today! Yep, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to spread destruction, suffering, and hatred. If I get cracking, maybe I can have a harmful influence on 10 people or more!”

Nah. Maybe I’m naive, but I doubt there are any human grinches walking around. More likely than not, having a sour disposition has crept up on them and they don’t even realize it. They’ve become a negative, cynical, pessimistic, and hateful person without even realizing it.

That’s how all bad habits take root in our lives. Over time, they slowly soak into us until they become us. If left unhalted, they come to define us. Think for a minute about the people you know - most of them, when you think of their name, conjure up an attribute or characteristic. Personally, I can’t think of anything worse than to be considered “hateful.”

What concerns me is the fact that, with the popularity of blogs and forums, a lot of people feel that they’ll only be listened to, or they’ll only generate laughs, if they spread negativity and hate. Personally, I don’t find them so entertaining.

I was thinking earlier about some of my favorite people. I’ve always been particularly fond of people who are agreeable, funny, and kind-hearted. People who are so busy living their own lives and trying to perfect the person in the mirror that they haven’t time time to criticize and demean people around them.

Show me that sort of individual and I’ll walk to the ends of the world with them. I’m lucky to have a great number of people around me who fit that bill.

The next time you catch yourself even thinking something mean or hateful about another person, catch yourself and MAKE yourself think something positive about them instead. After a while you will have developed a newer, better habit and no one will benefit from it any more than you will.

Think about it this way, the way we see others is the way we look at the world. Do you want your view of the world to be beautiful and happy or ugly and miserable?

Not much of a choice is there?

Every so often, I’ll absolutely, positively overload life’s plate. My eyes will write checks my calendar can’t possibly cash. I’ll line up a billion and one things that I just can’t live without, then stand around wondering, “How did I ever think I could manage all that?”

Hmmm, there’s an unsettling similarity in my approach to budgeting, too…

My desk is covered, literally covered, with amazing books I’m reading. I’m honestly in the middle of 5 right now - a personal best. The two I just finished, How to Think Like a Millionaire and The Emotional Lives of Animals (Click the link to read my review of this beautiful book) were each great books. I’ve been on a real roll this year. One Can Make a Difference, Strength for Life, and Why the Wind Blows (review in the works) are just three that come to mind as being super special and life-changing.

I’m nearly halfway through another beautiful book titled, “The Hero With a Thousand Faces.” It’s by Joseph Campbell and I honestly get hand cramps from all the note taking. But I just stretchit out, pour more coffee, and get back to something I dearly love - getting lost in a great book with a great author.

People don’t read enough books lately, if you ask me. Sure, we read blogs, e-mails, and online articles - and, when we have time, we even read the newspaper. We should all (oh no I didn’t just include myself here) make a point of reading more books.

There’s just nothing quite like curling up with a cat, a cup of coffee, a homemade cookie, and a great book. Or five.

Miserable are the persons who do not have something beyond themselves to search for. - Charles L. Allen