Selfishness vs. Selflessness

“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly selfish if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.” - Oscar Wilde

One of my greatest pet peeves is selfishness - in any form. If God, Himself, hadn’t labeled the love of money as the root of all evil, I’d give selfishness the honor. As it is, I have no intention of second-guessing God. I’m a lot of things, but incredibly stupid isn’t one of them.

Not long ago, I was talking to my lovely daughters about relationships. I told them that a great deal of arguments could be avoided simply by thinking less about self and more about the other person. That’s not always possible, of course, and as a mother of three girls, I most certainly preach and teach the importance of standing up for yourself. I was (and am) talking about the little, petty disagreements that act like little pins and needles in any relationship.

Things like:

• “Remember when you said such-and-such…“  Basically, when you keep pointing out a past “wound,” you show that you want them to pay again and again and again for a mistake they made, sometimes years ago.  It’s a common, but selfish and unforgiving, mistake.  It actually hurts the person who keeps digging in the past even more than it does the other person. 
• “I gave you three things for your birthday and you only gave me two…“  Graciousness and unselfishness don’t keep score or run a tab.
• “You’re going golfing?  What am I supposed to do?!“  I hate when one person seems to grieve over what someone else is doing.  Hate it!  When you love someone, shouldn’t you want more than anything for them to enjoy life?  Again, turning off the “ME” switch and switching on the “OTHERS” one will make everyone a lot happier. 
• “I don’t want you to dress that way (wear your hair that way, talk that way, drive that car…..)“  The quote at the top by Oscar Wilde sums this one up beautifully.  Why are some people so incredibly full of themselves that they think everyone should look, act, talk, and dress just like they do?!  Just as a garden would be less interesting if every flower were the same height, color, and shape, the world would be far less interesting if everyone looked and dressed the same.  Those of us who delight ourselves in “people watching” would probably break down and cry! 

I heard a DJ on the radio tonight talking about a friend he’d recently “lost.”  I thought he was going to say the friend had died at worst or moved away at best.  I was shocked when he said that it was because they had a difference of opinions concerning the upcoming election.  He said that he was okay with their difference of opinion, but his friend was not.  Silly DJ, selfish people don’t allow others to have opinions! 

No one wears selfishness well, but selflessness looks beautiful on anyone.

Related posts:

1. Is Your Personality an Asset or a Liability? In a superficial society, we often neglect the most...