The Differences Between Constructive Discipline and Destructive Discipline

“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?”  ~Jane Nelson

Have you ever seen a parent rip into their child with the worst of all weapons - words?  In one breath, they’ll tell them how much they love them, then in the next they’ll tear them down so many notches it’s a wonder they can even stand.

How do they explain themselves?  Well, they’re “parenting,” of course.  Providing the “discipline the young person needs.”  If you’re lucky, they’ll even launch into “…it’s how I was raised, and look at me!” scenario.  Love that one.

Most parents seem ignorant of the fact that life is a cycle.  The way you treat your child will have a large influence on how that child will turn around and treat you one day. 

Young people (and some not so young people) need discipline and guidance.  And a good parent will provide constructive discipline and guidance as opposed to destructive discipline and guidance.  How can you tell the difference between the two?

Constructive discipline and guidance Teaches.  Destructive discipline and guidance Taunts.

Constructive discipline and guidance Instructs. Destructive discipline and guidance Insults.

Constructive discipline and guidance Guides. Destructive discipline and guidance Goads.

Constructive discipline and guidance Builds up. Destructive discipline and guidance Tears down.

Constructive discipline and guidance Discourages. Destructive discipline and guidance Encourages.

Constructive discipline and guidance Persuades. Destructive discipline and guidance Dissuades.

Constructive discipline and guidance Cheers. Destructive discipline and guidance Jeers.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world - if there is anything harder, I want no part of it.  Even when you’ve done your level best, the child will sometimes disappoint you - and, that (of course) goes both ways. Both sides of the relationship have to respect, listen, and open up to the other side.  Unfortunately, too many people are only interested in one voice - their own.  And, sure enough, it’s the only voice they ever really hear. I guess that’s why they never learn anything or grow - nothing new ever penetrates….the old stuff just keeps running around bouncing off the walls of their mind. 

Ultimately, the main difference between constructive parenting and destructive parenting can be seen in the relationship between parent and child.  Especially down the road.

Joi