Friend or Foe?!

You know, if we really cut to the heart of the matter - all self help books and blogs have one thing in common:  They’re trying to help others get the most out of life by getting the most out of themselves.  The only real way to do either is to begin looking inwardly more often.  By that, I don’t mean thinking selfishly, of course - don’t re-program your mind to start chanting, “Me, me, me, me…”  Looking inwardly is more about accountability.  You know, looking in the mirror - as tough as it sometimes can be.

One of the best books ever written on….well…on anything is How to Win Friends and Influence People.  Don’t let the title or the age of the book fool you, this is required reading for life.  If you want to graduate to the next level, that is.

Author Dale Carnegie had a very brilliant mind and we could do ours a great service by spending more time with his.

If you’ve never read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” yet, make it a New Year’s Resolution to do so. Put it at the top of the list - unless, of course, you’re battling something that could kill you, like smoking, then put the book second.  If you have read it, you can put it on your list a little lower - somewhere between drink more water and get more exercise. 

One of the main principles of this great book is the admonition for us to become friendlier people.  I’m sure we all read that sentence and think, “I’m already a friendly person.  I speak to everyone that speaks to me, I let elderly people in front of me in line, I say please and thank you….”  And while those are all perfectly commendable, there’s a difference between being a polite person and a friendly person.

Below are ten areas the book advises us to look at.  As you read them, you’ll begin to see a picture forming - you, as you really are.  You’ll realize one of two things, “Whew, I’ve got friendliness covered, I can move on to the next lesson…” or “Oh. My. God. I’m a grouch.  No wonder things I want aren’t coming my way.”  If the latter’s the case, Oscar, just start working on it!

 1.  Don’t criticize or condemn people.  Some adults act like they skipped kindergarten - they call names, make fun of people, mock, etc.  Then they wonder why people don’t give them the respect they believe they so richly deserve! 

 2.  Give honest, sincere appreciation.  If the only time you open your mouth is to complain, critique, or demand something - you’d be better off keeping your lips zipped.

 3.  Arouse enthusiasm in the other person.

 4.  Become genuinely interested in other people, what THEY want and need - not just what YOU want or need from them.

 5.  Smile!

 6.  Remember that a person’s name is to that person one of the important sounds in any language.  Use their name when addressing them.

 7.  Don’t complain.  Everyone is fighting his or her own battles in life. Besides, if you complain about every little thing, people will develop the habit of tuning you out.  Then one day, when you have a legitimate biggie….it’ll be too late.  People will have been trained, by then, to only listen with one ear.

 8.  Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.  Don’t make it all about YOU - bring THEM into the picture.

 9.  Be a good listener.  Ask what others need or want.  Then, when they tell you - do your level best to help them.

10.  Make others feel important.  Don’t be a kiss up, for crying out loud….people see kiss up lips coming a mile away. Just develop the habit of sincerely caring about other people and letting them know.

Think about it this way.  If your thoughts this past month were a painting, would you be the only person on the canvas?  If there were others in the picture, would they be serving you or would you be serving them?  Maybe, just maybe, your picture would be a real work of art:  One in which you and others are working together on something to make everyone’s life a better place to call home.