UnHappily Ever After?

We all have occasional tiffs with our Mr., Mrs., or Miss Right - inevitable times when they’re so wrong they couldn’t even find right.  With a search party.

That’s normal.  In fact, if you think about it, it’s a good sign.  It means we’re hooked up with someone who has a pulse.  Only a person with the disposition of a sheep would never get their back up about something.  Sheep people aren’t sexy.

However, what isn’t normal and what isn’t healthy is the “Bickersons” of the world. The couples who just fight all the time.  You’ve probably been around them before.  They create an air of tension when they’re in the same room, as everyone’s just waiting for the yelling to start.

When we lived in Southern Indiana for a few years, we lived next door to a couple that fought (loudly) every night.  Their garage, which was their favorite place to fight, was near our bedroom window.  The man would go to the garage to hide from her, but she’d find him.  (Wouldn’t you think the doofus would have found a better place to hide?  Like South Dakota?)

Anyway, she’d scream and turn the air so blue you thought you were in a bottle of Powerade.  It seemed to become a way of life for them - until one day she never came home and he stopped hanging out in the garage.  Months later, he found a new girlfriend - and everytime I saw them they were laughing and smiling.  I hope the screamer found happiness as well.

They came to mind this morning when I was reading a relationship newsletter.  It was all about how unhealthy it is to be in confrontational relationships.  I guess that should be pretty obvious, huh?  All that stress and tension, yelling and crying. Can’t be good for one’s physical health, mental health OR emotional health.  I know someone in my corner of the world who has found herself in a stressful relationship.  It’s the theme of each one of her days, and I’m afraid that she’s doing what most people do.  Settling. 

Personally, I think life’s (as Andy would say) waaaaay yonder too short for that approach. 

If you had a car that died on you each time you drove it, you’d either fix it or get a new one if it was beyond repair.  Simplifying?  Guilty as charged.  But if you love someone that you can’t seem to get along with, you need to look under the hood and see where the noise is coming from.  Jealousy?  Lack of trust?  Lack of respect? A grudge?  I’m all for fixing that which can be fixed - but I’m all against living inside of unhappiness so long that you forget what happiness looked like.

One other couple comes to mind.  They lived next door to me and my parents when I was growing up.  He was a surly, disagreeable grunt that no one liked to see coming.  She was a great girl with a personality as bright as the August sun.  The personality grew tired (”FINALLY!” the neighborhood yelled in unison.) of the grunt and kicked him to another neighborhood.  She then met a sweet man who became her new and improved husband.  I remember eavesdropping one night on her and my mom.  She said, “Life’s so much better when you’re happy!”

Can’t argue with that.

Joi